


We'll Never Be Truly Free

by LaurensandIdrinktea



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety, Arrest, But so is Lams, Comfort, Court, Deppression, It doesn't work out well for him tho, Jail, John and Laf are OTP, John is a badass, John isn't innocent, Lawyer Stuff, Lots of John Laurens love here, Lots of cryingg, Multi, Prison, So I threw a bit of both in there, Sry John, Stabbing, Those weirdass orange jumpsuits, thats all for now, trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-21 19:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 40,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8258504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurensandIdrinktea/pseuds/LaurensandIdrinktea
Summary: When Lafayette gets attacked on a late night in the city, John steps in to save the day. Things get a little out of hand. Jail time and trials ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME, MES AMIS!!!!!! Yo, I'm starting up a new fic cuz my friend gave me the idea for this one and I'm UBER excited. To y'all reading this....Thank you, I love you, please comment and leave kudos and ENJOY! Have a great day:)

"Petit, I MUST tell you what Alex was gossiping about the other day! I swear that boy--"

"Hey, man you got a light?" A tall man with a hood pulled over his head approaches them out of an alleyway, looking shady as hell. John and Laf had been walking home from a restaurant. It was almost 1 AM in the middle of New York City, you were bound to come across at least a few odd balls. 

They had been the closest of friends since the beginning of college, and now it was the start of their junior year. Their other two best friends (Alex and Herc) were 'too busy' to hang out that night, so they decided on heading downtown together, just the two of them. 

Laf instinctively pushes John behind him, standing up a little straighter. "No, sorry." He says with a curt nod, trying to get by the man who relentlessly blocked their path. "You don't?" The guy stalls, and Laf (perhaps a little idiotically) pushes him forcefully, intent on moving past the crazy man and dingy looking alley. 

The man explodes at this, grabbing Laf by his shirt collar and throwing him against the dirty brick wall of the dark alley. "Don't you fucking play with me, boy!" It's only a second before John realizes what is happening, before he sees the glistening silver of the blade in the hooded man's palm. Shit. 

John is quick to action, kicking the guy in the gut FULL blast. The man doesn't lose grip on the knife, however and attempts to swing it upwards towards John, who miraculously manages to grab the handle and swing it back around on the man, plunging it into his chest before he can give it a second thought.

Murder mystery books and crime TV shows had always depicted murders as bloody and LOUD. The blood part was true, there was oh so much blood. Not the loud part though. John had expected yelling, from whom he's not sure, but just SOME sort of noise. The man underneath him hardly made a sound, and frankly, he might have preferred a bloody, screaming battle to the death. Not this. 

"John." He can hear Lafayette's shaky voice behind him, but it doesn't register. None of it registers. He's just killed a man and he can't even believe it. The blade is still in his hand, the dead man is still underneath him, but he can't bring himself to believe it. 

John was not a violent person. He urged peace and NON-violence if anything. This wasn't him. This was just his body acting out of pure fear for Lafayette's life. He saw his best friend about to be killed by this psychotic man and he acted upon it. Simple as that. 

So then why did he feel like he had suddenly transformed into a mass-murdering monster?  
  
"John. John we need to go." Lafayette's hands are on his shoulders, trying to pull him up. It was odd to hear Lafayette so disheveled, so out of sorts. He was always so clear headed and pristine, even when he wasn't expected to be.

"Did I.." Kill him? John doesn't finish the question. There's silence for a moment. "John, come on..you gotta get up. Somebody will find us, petit.." Laf sounds like he's about to cry, but John can't bring himself to move.

"I killed him." John says weakly, as if it were just NOW dawning upon him. "Non. Do not say that..you did not kill anybody." Lafayette says. While John was so focused on the matter of his crime, Laf was thinking of how to cover it up. He knew what the consequences would be. He was not about to let John go through that. He KNEW the boy meant no harm. 

"I did..Laf, I kill--" "Jack!!" Lafayette uses the name that he KNEW John hated. The one his father would have used. If only to get him to cooperate. "You did not kill anyone. We are going home." He sounds stern as a school teacher, and it shakes John almost fully back to reality. He nods and finally stands up, scrambling to get away from the body with the knife still plunged into it.

Lafayette frantically pulls him out of the alleyway and into a nearby bus stop, with a dim light hanging above them. Thankfully there was hardly anybody on the street.

"You are not hurt?" He asks quickly, searching for wounds on John's body. He was covered in blood, not his own thankfully. John just shakes his head, still in a bit of a daze. "We need to get home. You do not think anybody saw us?" Lafayette's English becomes a little shaky in his panic. "Uh..no.." John manages to get out. 

Somehow they managed to walk home, in complete silence. "Home" actually meant the apartment that they shared with Alex and Herc. Laf was not sure how he was going to explain this to them, but figured he'd have to, considering the state John was in. 

Lafayette had never dreaded returning home THIS much. He was usually excited to knock on the door, knowing that one of his friends would answer it. Now, that exact same thought is what frightened him to his core. 

His knuckled knock lightly on the wood, unlike his usual loud banging against the door, followed by an annoyed groan from one of his three roommates. "Coming!" It was Herc. Footsteps are heard approaching the door, and "I thought you had your keys--" He stops mid-sentence, staring wide-eyed at the scene before him. Both his roommates (and best friends) were standing at the door. Laf had tears in his eyes, his bouncy hair was tangled and you could see a light bruise starting to form on his cheek.

John looked like he had gone comatose. Pale face, eyes glossed over. He had blood covering his hands, his entire midsection, and even some on his face. Herc had no CLUE it wasn't John's own blood. 

"Oh god. Oh god. Man, what the hell happened?!" Herc yells, doing the same thing that Laf had and searching them both for any serious wounds. Before he can even investigate or get an answer out of the two, Alex comes running over, eyes immediately going wide.

"What the--Jesus Christ!! What did you guys do?! We need to take you to the ER or--" "Alex." It's the first thing Laf says. "That blood is not John's own."  
  
Herc and Alex don't know whether to be relieved or just disturbed. "There was an..exchange.." Lafayette can't find the words to say it, and looks about ready to pass out. "Hey hey..man, come here." Herc pulls Laf inside, sitting him down on the couch while sending Alex off to clean John up.

"Breathe. Breathe." Herc reminds Laf, but his breathing doesn't slow back down to it's normal pace, and he seems like he's hyperventilating. "Respirer..respirer.." He says it again, it French. As if it made a difference.

"Knife.." Laf chokes out, tears running down his face. Herc is alarmed by this word, coming up with endless possibilities of what could have happened. "John..knife.." Laf starts shaking violently and Herc throws his big arms around the man, trying to quiet him. "You don't need to talk about it--" "He's gonna get arrested..somebody will find him..he did not mean to.." Lafayette is sobbing now, feeling unbearably guilty about it all. John not only threw himself in the line of fire for Laf, but then killed a man JUST to keep him safe.

"You can not tell anyone, Hercules...I can not lose him.." He clenches tightly onto Herc's shirt, and Herc just stares at him in disbelief, still confused. "Laf..man, you gotta calm down..I don't know what your saying.." He sounds apologetic.

"John has killed someone.." Lafayette tells him, finally. The words hit Herc like a ton of bricks. It was incomprehensible. Surely he was dreaming. John would never hurt a soul! How could he have possibly done something like this? Herc doesn't say a word, just holds Laf like his life depends on it, shock radiating through every inch of his body.

He wonders if Alex knows yet. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo yo! Welcome to chapter deux! Hope y'all enjoy! I'll see you on the other side of the war ;)

"John, PLEASE put your arms up." Alex had been trying desperately to get John's shirt off, but the man had been refusing for the past 10 minutes. He was too in shock to do much of anything. "John, it's covered in blood, you need to put something else on." Alex urges. He had hoisted John up onto the bathroom vanity, intent on cleaning the blood off of his friend, but John had refused to cooperate.

"I like this shirt.." John says sadly, tugging on the sleeves of his green sweater (which actually did happen to be his favorite). "And I will put it in the washer for you, but you need to take it off first." Alex becomes impatient and pulls John's arms up, tugging the sweater over the man's head. "There." Alex sighs in relief. Somehow, no blood had gotten on John's pants, which created much less of a hassle for Alex.

He doesn't say a word as he wets a washcloth, holding it up to John's face and wiping off the blood gently. John closes his eyes and breathes, letting Alex clean off the evidence of what he had done. "I'll get you one of my shirts." Alex says gently, once he's finished. "Just wash your hands, okay?" He turns on the faucet. John is grateful that Alex hadn't asked him anything yet. He was always good like that, not pressuring John to talk when he knew he didn't want to. 

Alex sees Laf crying when he goes to find a shirt. Herc looks up at him and gestures for Alex to just keep walking, which Alex does. He grabs a big green t-shirt for John, knowing that that was his favorite color and it might bring him SOME comfort. When he returns to the bathroom, John is still sitting on the vanity, hands washed, completely rid of any blood. "Here." Alex smiles softly as he hands the shirt to him, and John takes it gratefully, pulling it over his head.

"That better?" Alex asks, putting a comforting hand on John's shoulder. 

Alex was confused. Very VERY confused. His priority right now though, was making John comfortable. If he didn't do that, he knew he wouldn't get a word out of John.

"Mmm.." John hums with a nod, giving Alex a blank stare. "John.." Alex says softly, and John KNOWS whats coming. He couldn't avoid the questions forever..Alex needed to know. "What happened?" He asked, in a hushed tone, as though it would upset John. It did.

"I don't know.." John averts his gaze to the floor, playing nervously with his fingers. Alex breaths for a second, thinking about how to approach him. "John." He takes his hands, squeezing them gently. John doesn't look up. "John, look at me." John shakes his head, and Alex sees a tear fall down the man's freckled face. It was heartbreaking. 

Alex lifts John's chin gently with his fingers, forcing the man to look him in the eyes. He wants to cry simply from the pained and helpless look on John's face. "Please tell me." He pleads, suddenly unbearably curious. 

John didn't want to. No, he really didn't. He knew he had to though. He had almost gone numb since it happened, but now his feelings were returning, leaving him in a worse state than before. "Alex.." His voice cracks, more tears fall. This was excruciating. 

"He had a knife...I thought..he was gonna stab Laf.." The sentence is broken, but Alex gets what John is saying. He doesn't say anything, but visibly tightens. He knew Laf and John were safe now, unharmed, but just the words were enough to frighten him. "I didn't think..I just DID..and it was wrong..I shouldn't have.." He looks crushed, enveloped in self-loathing, even if his actions were justifiable. 

"He tried to take a swing at me..I grabbed the knife and.." He starts sobbing, and Alex instinctively pulls him into his arms, letting him cry into his chest. He knew EXACTLY what happened. The man was dead. Alex knew John would not be this upset if the man had survived it..he also knew that John would go to any extreme for his friends, ESPECIALLY Laf. There was no way a man plotting to kill him would make it out alive.

"P-please don't tell the cops..I didn't want to..I s-swear I'm not a murderer.." He holds onto Alex with all his might, the guilt eating away at him with such rigor that it physically HURT. "Shh..I'm not gonna tell anyone.." Alex doesn't know why John came to this conclusion. In a right state of mind, he wouldn't have even CONSIDERED that Alex would turn him in, but the man was ballistic. 

Neither of them are sure how long they stay there in each others arms, but it's long enough for Herc to come check on them. "Hey, I got Laf to sle--" He stops when he sees the situation, but Alex turns to him, letting him know that it was okay to come in.

"I got Laf to sleep." Herc repeats, finishing the full sentence this time. "Maybe you should get some sleep too, kiddo.." He pats John's back lightly. All John could think about was WHY aren't they mad? Do they KNOW what he did? Somebody is bound to find the body..there must have security cameras..witnesses nearby..SOME sort of evidence that pointed to John. 

"John?" He hears his name and breaks out of his thoughts. "Mmm?" He asks, his eyes look up at Herc, still puffy from crying. "Sleep." Herc says it as a command, and John just nods, suddenly feeling exhausted. "Okay." He says plainly, standing up and hardly acknowledging the both of them as he walks out of the room without another word.

The apartment had two bedrooms, with a door that connected the both of them. Laf and John shared a room, and Herc and Alex shared one, though half the time it would all be mixed up, depending on who wanted to stay up and watch TV and who wanted to go to bed. So, they all had their belongings scattered between the two rooms. It was a system, perhaps not the most organized, but a system.

John slept with Laf that night, even going so far as to crawl into bed next to him, ignoring his own bed on the other side of the room. He needed somebody close to him. Laf mutters something in French when John curls up next to him. He puts his arms around John's waist and pulls him close. All four of them were close like this, much more touchy than most guy friends were with one another, but it didn't bother any of them. They liked it.

"Bonne nuit, tortue.." Laf says with sleep tinting his words, using his nickname for John. "Night.." John says back, pretending to not hear Herc and Alex's hushed voices in the other room. He knew EXACTLY what they were talking about. 

It was a shock that John got any sleep that night. Boy would he need it for what was about to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of chapter twooooo! Sorry if it was a little short, I'm trying to do one a day though! Love y'all! Bonne nuit;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY:)

When John woke up the following morning, things almost felt _**normal.**_

For the first twenty seconds at least.

Lafayette was absent from their shared bed, and John figured he was already in the kitchen with Alex and Herc.

"Dude! Shut it off!" "No! I just wanna see!" "WHAT good comes from watching--" John could hear his three friends arguing about SOMETHING, but decided to tune them out. This usually happened in the mornings. Alex would want to watch the news while Herc would be dying for some cartoons.

"I don't want John seeing OR hearing this, man!" Frankly, they were a little too loud to tune out.

 _What don't they want me to hear?_ John wonders.

**20 seconds up.**

It only took half a moment for John to remember EVERYTHING that happened last night. Before he even realized he had stood up, he fell over in his daze, hitting his elbow on the ground. HARD. "OW! Shit!" He groans and manages to pull himself up off the ground. That's gonna bruise for sure.

There's only silence from the rest of the apartment, now. John presumes his friends had heard him and didn't know what to do. He wouldn't have known what to do either. They were living with a **murderer.**

 _You're not a murderer, don't think like that._ John chides himself, but he didn't believe a word of his OWN lies.

He steals a glance at himself in the mirror as he goes to leave the room, realizing that he looked horrible. Despite FEELING somewhat rested, he looked exhausted. Alex's green shirt looked big on him, which didn't make sense, because he always thought that Alex was smaller than him. Had he lost weight? Were those circles under his eyes REALLY that dark?!

_Stop. You're psyching yourself out, John._

He continues on, nevertheless, walking into the kitchen like he would have any other morning. But this just felt wrong.

"Hey, kiddo!" Herc is WAY too enthusiastic, and John could see right through it. The TV was off now, and Laf was holding the clicker behind his back, out of reach from the other two.

"Hi." John says quietly, going to pour himself a cup of coffee from the pot that someone (Alex probably) had made. There is only the sound of John's coffee being poured, the tension was palpable.

"You want a bagel?" Herc offers after a moment, and John shakes his head. "No thanks, I'm not hungry." He admits, sitting down at the counter. He's sure he would puke if he consumed anything other than this cup of coffee.

They stay in the kitchen for a few minutes, asking each other stupid, **normal** , questions. They all knew what they should really be discussing, but no one had the guts to start the conversation. Well, maybe Alex did.

"Are we gonna talk about this?" The man asks, suddenly sounding angry. At least things felt less awkward, now. John would honestly prefer awkward over whatever this was, though.

"John, it's all over the news." John chokes on his coffee, spitting out a little of it. Lafayette pats his back, secretly cursing Alex for being so blunt. This is always how Alex acts though. It's a miracle he didn't pull a full interrogation on John last night!

"What do you MEAN? It..did someone see?" John asks, panic dripping from every syllable.

"There were security cameras, man. From the restaurant next door." Herc sounds absolutely heartbroken. John was FUCKED. He brings his hands to his face in shock, shaking his head. "Were they clear?" He manages to ask.

"Not terribly, and it was dark too." Alex sounds slightly optimistic. "But one of the frames got a good shot of your face..and Laf is pretty recognizable. Especially since his hair was down." Alex lays out all the facts for John, and for once John was grateful that someone was being straight with him. No matter how terrifying it was.

"Well what are they saying about it? Did they include the part where the guy tried to STAB Laf?!" He sounds ready to fight, suddenly. He felt ready to fight, too. "It was self-defense!!" He defends himself. "Shhh.." Laf works a hand into John's hair, stroking it gently. It calms John only slightly. "They can't arrest me for this!" He sounds confident, but then a look of doubt shows in his eyes. "Right?" He asks, directly to Alex. He's studying to become a lawyer, he would know the best.

Alex is quiet, seemingly thinking it over a moment. "They say Laf initiated it." He starts, sounding unaffected. "The cameras don't have audio, and the only clip they showed started when Laf pushed the guy." Alex informs.

"He would not move out of the way!" Lafayette says, defensively. "We know, Laf. We know. It's just how the cameras caught it. It looked like you wanted to start a fight." Herc tells him solemnly. Lafayette had already told them EXACTLY what happened. Like four times that morning. It was infuriating that the media was making it out to be something it wasn't.

"Why do the stupid news people even care that much, anyway?! There are murders all the time in New York!" John adds.

"It's a race issue. The guy was white." Alex says, holding himself back from a rant about racial inequality. "What?! What does it matter if the guy was white or not?!" John asks, yelling now.

"It's more that you two AREN'T white." Alex tells him.

"But.." John looks hurt, confused, robbed of something. "They can't just.." He looks ready to cry.

"We know, man..it's bullshit." Herc says, rubbing John's shoulder comfortingly. "They're a bunch of racist assholes. They introduced the story as two black men kill twenty year old social worker." Alex scoffs, shaking his head furiously.

"Oh, so first they act like its all MY fault and then they just ASSUME my race! Incorrectly! Of course they do, those fucking bigoted pieces of--"

"We know. We know." Herc quiets him, scared that someone was listening in on their conversation. "It's horrible, but there's nothing we can do, bro." He looks at John with eyes too pathetic for a man so big. 

It was hard to hear. How could his whole life have been turned upside down in an encounter that lasted less than two minutes?!

"Social worker, my ass.." John mutters. "That guy was shady as hell." He wants to  _scream._

But Alex just continues on with his list of reasons WHY John was getting blamed for the whole thing. 

"Also, duty to retreat. They say in order to make a self-defense claim, you have to have attempted to get AWAY from the guy." "We DID!" John yells at Alex.

"Hey hey, I believe you! But that's not what the video makes it look like. And so far that's some of the only concrete evidence you've got." No wonder he was gonna be a lawyer. 

"He approached US!!"

"Well you can tell them that in court!" Alex shoots back, frustrated.

"I'm not going to court! This is bullshit! He had a KNIFE!" Suddenly it's a fight between Alex, who was presenting the legal issues with it all, and John. Who knew what ACTUALLY happened. 

"Yeah! The knife that YOU killed him with!" Alex only meant to give John a bit of a reality check. He needed him to know that it might not be easy to defend himself to the court. But all he did was make John feel like absolute dirt again.

Tears quickly prick at John's eyes, and he stands up, slipping on his shoes and a hoodie. "John, don't go--" 

"I just need some fresh air." He says, coldly. 

"What if somebody recognizes y--"  
  
"I'll kill them too." He says, swinging the door open and walking out before anyone can get another word in. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry that took me a couple days to get in, I started it but it got deleted and things have just been hectic! I promise I'll try to update more regularly. I REALLY hope you liked it though! Please please PLEASE leave comments and stuff (even if they're critical) I absolute love hearing what y'all think! Anyway, hope you're having a great day! BYE:)


	4. Chapter 4

"Mr. Washington, you have to understand! This isn't his fault! I KNOW what it looks like, but you can't turn him in! Please, sir!" 

Alex assumes he should have expected his professor to question him about the news story. George and Alex were very close, almost like father and son. George had seen SOMETHING in Alex when he came to king's, and immediately took the boy under his wing. 

"Alex, it's my responsibility--" Mr. Washington starts, but Alex interrupts.

"You LOVE John!  **I**  love John! Please, you can't do this..just pretend you didn't see the news!" Despite Alex's nonchalance towards the threat of John going to prison earlier in the day, it really hit him hard when Washington pulled him aside and asked him about it.

"I am an EDUCATOR! I need to keep this campus safe! If I have knowledge that one of our students has committed a felon--"

"John isn't a MURDERER! He's not a threat to anyone!" Alex argues.

"If he did it once he could do it again." Washington responds, oddly calm. 

"This is bullshit. And you KNOW it! John never hurt a soul--"

"Until last night. Alex this is my responsibility as a--"

"Don't you pull that responsibility crap with me! Your only responsibility is to make sure an innocent man doesn't get charged for a crime he didn't even commit!" Alex is fuming.

"Hamilton. Stop acting like John is completely innocent. He's not. I KNOW the media might have blown it up a little, but that doesn't change the fact that Mr. Laurens killed someone. If I don't turn him in, someone else will. I recognized him and Lafayette as SOON as I saw the tape! And I was hardly paying it much attention!" He sounds deeply apologetic, but it didn't change a thing.

"Son, the easier you understand--"

"Don't call me son. I'm not your freaking son." Alex's jaw is set, and he looks ready to punch Washington right in the face. 

"Alex, please--" George goes to put a hand on Alex's shoulder, but he flinches away.

"Don't touch me! Don't come near me, don't talk to me! I hate you!" Angry tears burn at his eyes and he turns away, heading right out the door. The battle was already lost. 

......

"John. You need to leave. You need to get OUT! Out of the city, out of New York, out of the COUNTRY if that's what it takes--"

"Alex. What the hell is going on?!" Alex had started rambling as soon as he walked back into the apartment. After storming out that morning, John had eventually calmed down and come home, deciding to skip classes and lay low. Well, now that wasn't going to happen.

"Washington. He saw the news, he knows it's you.." Alex is already pulling a bag out for John, stuffing it with clothes. 

"So what? Washington isn't gonna--"

"Oh YES he is!" Alex reads John's thoughts, muttering angry things to himself. "I ran back here, but that was still a good fifteen minutes ago. I don't know when he was gonna call..I don't know if he even still IS but either way--" There's a knock at the door.

They both exchange a wide eyed glance. "Shit." John looks terrified. "No no, he couldn't have called so quick..that can't be them! That can't be--"

"Losers! Open up!" John lets out a HUGE sigh of relief when he realizes it's Herc and not a bunch of policemen coming to carry him away. He doesn't even realize Alex left to get the door, he was too paranoid now. 

"The fuck? I'll go take that man down right now! No one messes with my boys!" Herc is furious at Washington, and John assumes Alex told him the situation. "No. Then you'll BOTH go to jail."

"Can we PLEASE stop talking about jail?!" John is about ready to cry again, scared out of his mind. 

"Sorry, man..it's gonna be okay. We'll figure this out." Herc assures him. 

"Herc, stop with the false hope. We're screwed." Alex admits, and John flinches a little at his inability to even come up with a euphemism. 

"Alex, man. CHILL." Herc gives him a "Shut up" look. "This is no time to 'chill' Herc! The cops could be here any seco--"

"You don't know that, Hamilton!! Maybe Washington changed his mind! We still have TIME!" Herc argues, looking on the bright side as usual. 

"Time for what exactly?! The only time we have should be used to get John OUT of here!" Alex is ballistic.

"Oh, so you're gonna ship him off to Antartica for the rest of his days? Stop with the running Alex! Face up to whats happening right now!" Herc shouts right back. They both don't even realize that John has started crying until they hear a little sob escape the man's throat.

"Can you guys stop, please?" He asks, covering his face with his hands. "John..we didn't mean to upset--"

"Well you did!" John cries, crossing his arms. "I have no clue whats going to happen to me. To all of us. But I am scared out of my mind and I just can't handle you two screaming at each other when the police could quite possibly be standing outside! I just.." He sighs, taking a deep breath. "I want to be happy while I still can. I just want to pretend for a MINUTE that everything is okay. Please." The curly haired man looks utterly pathetic.

"Okay." Herc manages, forcing a smile. "Alright." Alex adds, agreeing. 

"Thank you...." He sighs, thinking he'll feel relief. But even the action doesn't fake his mind out, and he still feels like there's a rock in his gut. 

The three stand there for a moment, unmoving, not talking, just standing. 

"MES AMIS--" Laf swings open the door, confusion filling his eyes when he sees the odd picture before him. He doesn't know particularly why it was odd....they were just STANDING there..but perhaps that IS why it was odd. 

But the confusion in the Frenchman's eyes did nothing to cover the fear, and John sensed it the second he saw it. 

"What happened?" He asked Laf in a low tone, scared to hear what his friend had to say. He could tell something was wrong.

Usually, John was happy to hear anything that came out of Laf's mouth, as it was usually nice or funny or witty or cute or..SOMETHING good. But the next five words he muttered would be forever ingrained in the part of John's mind that his nightmares also inhabit. 

"There are police cars outside." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyaaa! Thank you SOSOOSOSOSOOOOOOO much for reading! If you're reading this, please plEASE PLEASE comment! It's what keeps me going, y'all! Even if it's a "This totally sucks" I will still appreciate it xD Hope you enjoyed, though! Sorry for the delay on this chapter, I started writing it DAYS ago but haven't gotten back to it until now. Also, sorry G-Wash was a total pendejo in this chapter. I needed something to move the story along.   
> Welp.  
> Have a good night! Or day, or afternoon! Whenever you read this xD


	5. Chapter 5

There WERE police cars outside.

Cars being plural.

Plural meaning THREE.

Why the hell do they need THREE police cars? John wondered.

"We can sneak you out the back, buy us some time." Herc suggests, turning John away from the window before he saw the policemen getting out of their cars. "It might not even be for John! There could have been a burglary or--"

"They're for John. Let's accept that now, and figure out what the hell we DO! We have like two minutes! TOPS!" Alex says, harsh and blunt. John was almost grateful for it. He didn't want this to be sugar-coated for him.

"I say we take the back route." Lafayette agrees with Herc's idea. They knew it well. You take the door on the left, right off of the right stairwell. It takes you straight to the bottom floor and the back exit is right there. They had memorized it in case they ever needed to get out quickly or meet back there. It was like their own little hiding spot. No one else ever went back there, anyway.

"Well, what the hell are we waiting for?! Go go go!" Alex orders, like a general in an army. Lafayette takes John's hand, who had hardly said a word, petrified. "You are okay, petit..we are getting you out of here." Lafayette tells him, all while they're sprinting down the hallway.

They successfully make it down the stairs, their footsteps echoing loudly in each stairwell. Alex has Herc check to make sure nobody is outside before they leave out the back route. "We're all clear." Herc gives them the thumbs up.

"What now? We can't just STAY here! What if they come looking?" Alex asks as they all huddle around the back of the building.

"Do any of you have keys to your car?" John pipes up, shivering in the cold fall air. "Oh! Yeah, I grabbed mine on the way out, thought they might be helpful." Alex smiles, dangling the black keys in front of the other three.

"And you didn't mention that before, because....?" "Shut up, Mulligan. Save the cat fight for later." Alex sticks out his tongue, glancing around for sign of police or people for that matter. None.

They leave the safety of their hiding place, heading straight for the small lot next to the apartments that housed everyones cars. Alex always parked his in the same place, so they knew EXACTLY where to go.

"Man, I can't believe we actually pulled this off!!" Herc whisper-shouts as Alex tries to open the car door. "I KNOW! Things never work out for us and here we are--"

"Put your hands up!!"

They all freeze. This HAD to be a joke. They were so close! While his other three friends stand frozen in shock, Alex doesn't even glance up at the policemen, trying desperately to get the car door open. 

"I said put them up!!" Two officers enter the lot, both with guns in hand. Everyone EXCEPT Alex, follow orders.

"Drop the keys!" One officer yells at Alex, gun pointed. Alex has no choice. He drops them to the ground with a thud.

And that was the moment John knew it was over. His whole life. He'd given up.

 The same officer grabs John and slams him against the car, attempting to cuff his hands behind his back. "Let me go!!" John protests instinctively, but the cop knees him in the back and he yells out in pain.

"Monsieur...please. He did not do anythi--" "SHUT UP!" The policeman shrieks at Lafayette, who stops talking immediately.

It was crazy to all four of them that the officers in the city were so brutal. Though, they had to deal with so many lunatics, they probably just assumed John was one, too.

"John Laurens, you are under arrest for--"

"I fucking know what I'm under arrest for! This is bull shit! Get off of me!" John flails and writhes underneath the man's grip. "I could shoot you right here for resisting arrest." The officer tells him, sounding deadly serious. John knew he wasn't actually allowed to do that, but didn't want to challenge him.

"Sorry.." He mutters, going as still as he possibly could.

"Okay okay..everyone calm down. Please." Herc says, looking more fearful than John or anyone had ever seen him. "Officers, you don't have any proof that--" Herc starts to protest John's arrest calmly, but is interrupted.

"Son, that camera footage was MORE that enough proof." The other officer tells him. "He'll be given a fair trial, alright? We're not sending anyone straight to prison." He tells him, and Herc deems him as the nicer of the two cops. 

"Please, Charles.." The man wrestling Laurens says to the other cop, presumably named Charles.

"I doubt any lawyer is gonna be able to defend this one. It's clear he's a murderer." He spits out, and John flinches at the words. "It was self defens--" John starts. 

"Tell them that in court! Now, come on!" Man, the guy was brutal.

"Shit shit shit.." John starts swearing under his breath as the man tries to drag him towards the police car. "Shhh..petit, it'll be okay." Lafayette says, hands still above his head and under the gaze of Charles.

"We'll get you out, man..don't worry." Herc says, but his face showed nothing BUT worry. 

John was waiting for Alex to say something, he NEEDED Alex to say something. But he didn't. He ran forward instead, grabbing John's shoulders and kissing him deeply. The officer restraining John just froze, unsure of how to handle it.

It would be the last moment of calm or bliss that John would have for the next months.

"You're gonna be okay..I promise." Alex tells him, sincerely. John is just in shock of what happened, but his heart fluttered a little, and Alex kissed him one more time, ignoring the death stare he was getting from the police officer.

"I love you, John Laurens." 

John would have said it right back, if he wasn't so caught off guard by the officer yanking him away from Alex and pushing him into the back seat of the car. 

They give you one phone call when you go to jail, right?  
  
John knew who his would be to. And he knew he'd be saying "I love you" back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhhhh! Sorry that took so long, y'all! Hope you enjoyed it though! Please please PLEASE comment and stuff! It's one of the only reasons I keep writing xD And I'll happily return the favor! I love y'all!  
> Bisous! :)


	6. Chapter 6

"I. Can. Not. Believe. You."

The three had returned to their apartment, and while Hercules was still in a state of shock and panicking for John, Laf and Alex had been screaming at each other for the past ten minutes.

"Well you better believe it, Frenchie! I'm sorry, but it is CLEAR that John prefers what I have to off--"  
  
"Alexander, don't you DARE finish that sentence!!" Herc scolds Alex, breaking out of his trance of shock. "John. OUR John is in JAIL right now!! And you two are here screaming at each other because you're both in love with him!"  
  
 _There's silence._

Someone had finally said it. 

The moment Alex kissed John about broke Lafayette's heart. And the moment he saw the look it put in John's eyes....well that about shattered it. John was in love with Alex, and while he'd never admit it, HE was in love with John.

It was a fucked up love triangle that the frenchman did NOT want to be a part of. 

_The silence breaks._

"It's not MY fault that Laf is in love with MY boyfriend!!" Alex protests like a six year old. "He is NOT your boyfriend! I could kiss Hercules right now and we still wouldn't be dating!" Lafayette shrieks, accent heavy. 

"Yeah, whatever. Get over it now, Laf. John doesn't love you like you love him." Alex says, so coldly that it shook Laf to his core. "I am not in love with John!" Is all he can muster as a response. "It's pretty fucking obvious--OW!!" Herc grabs a fistful of Alex's hair, holding it tightly.

Lafayette laughs cruelly. "See? I am not the ONLY one that thinks you are a--OW!! HERCULES!!" Herc grabs a fistful of Laf's curls as well, holding them both in place.

"SHUT UP!! Unless either of you have ideas as to how we are gonna get John out of JAIL then SHUT UP!!" He practically has smoke coming out of his ears.   
  
"I will shut up if you let me go.." Laf winces, and Herc releases them both, hearing two sighs of relief in response. Herc finally sits down, resting his head in his hands pathetically.

Hercules Mulligan was a  _force of nature_. He was such a big guy with such a big HEART..seeing him in this state was unnerving. The seriously upset and depressed Hercules Mulligan was not one that either of the boys wanted to see.

Laf is the first to step forward, resting a hand so gently on Herc's shoulder that he might not even feel it. "Petit, I am very sorry. It was..uh..how you say.." He looks at Alex for help, but Alex has no clue where Laf is going with this. "Inconsiderate! Yes..it was inconsiderate of us to fight after what happened. It won't happen again, mon ami." He looks at Alex for backup.

"Yeah yeah. No more fighting." Alex assures.

"Je te promets." Lafayette throws his arms around Herc, hugging him tightly. Alex steps forward as well, throwing his arms around the both of them. 

They all stay like that for a while, enjoying the comforting moment. Though their comfort was tainted by thoughts of John and just where HE was right now.

"I wish I could give Laurens a hug." Hercules says after a few minutes. It's the first thing he has said since they apologized, and they take it as an acceptance of said apology.

"Me too." Laf and Alex say in unison. 

It's another few minutes before a single word is uttered, all of them quietly grieving.   
  
"We should go to the station. Maybe they'll let us see him." Alex offers, and without much protest, the other two agree. 

......

The protesting starts when they GET there. "No, I'm afraid it's not possible for you to see him at this time. There's an interrogation going on." The lady at the front desk told them. 

"Interrogation?!" Alex was appalled, and Laf and Herc were too. "There's no reason for interrogation!!" He screeches.

"Sir. I need you to calm down. Technically, we can issue an interrogation. He has not been charged or prosecuted, obviously, but interrogations are simply routine."  
  
The three storm off shortly after. "What bullshit..this is insane..it's insane..JOHN!!" Alex screams suddenly. He runs up to the glass window of a small, dimly lit room. He sees John inside, sitting at a metal table with some other man dressed in a uniform. They'd figured an interrogation would take place in some dark back room without any glass WINDOWS to peak through, but this was even better.

"What do you mean--OH! It really is John!" Lafayette quickly follows Alex and Herc goes as well. They all stare through the glass expectantly, but nothing much happens. John doesn't even glance up, perhaps he couldn't see them. Though, it was PRETTY obvious they were standing there. Thank goodness the officer had his back to them. 

John was sitting with his shoulders slumped down slightly, twiddling his thumbs in front of him, hands cuffed together. He was staring quite intently into space, refusing to meet the officers or his friend's eyes. As far as they could tell, he wasn't saying a word. 

"We need to get in there--" Alex starts, but the officer was already standing up, getting ready to leave. Herc grabs his two friends and pulls them around a corner, out of sight of the officer. They hear the man's footsteps echo in the hall, though they eventually fade away. He must have gone in the other direction.

Herc looks around the corner for any more people. "All clear." He tells Alex and Laf. The three rush back to the room that John was in, trying the door handle instinctively. QUITE surprisingly, it was unlocked. Man, these cops were really out of it. 

"John! Man!" Herc is the first to enter the room, grinning at the sight of John. The poor boy looked terrified for a moment, Herc's voice shaking him from whatever dazed state he had been in.   
  
"Oh! Petit!" Lafayette throws his arms around John, and the man calms a little, not saying a word yet.

"Baby.." Alex finally speaks up and John nearly melts. Alex had never called him THAT before. Were they a thing now? He didn't know. All he knew is he LOVED the feeling when Alex came over and threw his arms around him, kissing his forehead. 

"Are you alright? We were so worried." Lafayette interrupts their moment, careful not to fight anymore after making his promise to Herc. 

"I'm fine." John shrugs, staring at his hands again. He was being oddly quiet.

"Oh my god! John, what happened to your cheek?!" Herc asks, and while Laf and Alex hadn't immediately noticed, John had a HUGE bruise on the side of his face, stretching from the corner of his lip to his temple.

"Oh, love.." Alex says sympathetically, caressing John's cheek. "It's nothing. I kinda mouthed off a bit earlier..it was my bad." He explains quickly. 

"These cops are fucking crazy! I can't believe they would do that to you!" Herc sounds angry. "Herc, it's okay. I'm fine--"  
  
"We must get you out of here." Laf interjects, tears brimming his eyes simply from seeing that John had already been caused such pain. 

"That's gonna be harder than you think, Laf." John says softly. He was usually so loud. But nobody commented on his soft-spokeness..he was probably just shocked. Scared. BOTH.

"We will still try." Laf says assuringly, but the door swings open suddenly, making a loud sound that John flinches at. 

"What the hell are you doing in here?! No visitors! OUT!" The cop was DEAD serious, and so was the gun in his pocket. "Oui oui we are going, monsieur." Lafayette tells him, but turns back to John nonetheless. 

"We will be back, petit. Do not worry. I love you." He says it to John a lot, but now the three words felt less platonic. "I love you too--" But Alex was grabbing his face and kissing him a little TOO roughly. "Oh, John...I'm so sorry. We'll come back soon, love." He promises, and John is caught up in so much love and too many emotions that it's overwhelming.

"Yeah, brother. Could never leave you behind." Herc adds, hugging him one last time. John still says nothing. 

"I said GO!!" The officer shrieks again. "Allez..allez.." Laf urges Alex and Herc, suddenly terrified. 

"Guys!" John finally speaks up, and they all turn around, despite previous orders. "Don't mess with my stuff." He manages to crack a soft smile. He was always so touchy with people messing around with his personal belongings, it had become an inside joke between the four of them. 

"You got it, Laurens." Herc smiles back, and then they're gone again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Wazzup chicas and chicos?! It's been like..two months? I dunno! Sorry about that! Christmas break is soon though, so I should update more frequently! Thank you SOOOOOSOOOO much for reading! It means the WORLD, and I really hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are ALWAYS appreciated! I hope y'all are having a fantastic holiday season! Have a great night/day/whatever! Hugs and love! <3


	7. Chapter 7

"John Laurens, meet your lawyer."

John quite nearly falls out of his seat. He never thought he'd have to see **him** again. That pretentious, anti-charismatic, irrational--

"Oh, we've met." Thomas Jefferson sits down across the table from John, who attempts to push his chair further away from the table. From HIM. 

"John, it's nice to see you again." 

_What bullshit,_  John thought.

He couldn't form a single word, a single intelligent THOUGHT, even. 

He hadn't seen Thomas Jefferson in YEARS, and he had hoped it would stay that way. 

It was before Herc and Laf had moved in with them, so Alex was his only roommate. He had met Thomas in freshman year of college, and didn't hate him at first. That is until Alex told him the man's REAL story. John hadn't bought it at first, Alex was one for being dramatic. He soon realized though, that Alex had been right. 

_ "Alex, he's perfectly nice--"   
_

__ "JOHN!!" Alex seemed horrified at the thought of John actually LIKING Thomas Jefferson. "He's an asshole! Trust me, you don't want to be near that guy."  
  
"You sure you're not just jealous? I could be finding a new best friend." John had teased, grabbing his jacket from the back of a kitchen chair. "You're not my mother, Alex. Quit bossing me around." He said it light-heartedly.

_ "John, I don't want you hurt." Alex told him, voice softer but full of concern. John had only laughed in response.  _

_ "You're a drama queen, you know that?" John chuckled, giving Alex a clap on the shoulder. "I swear you'd thing he was a serial killer judging from the way you talk! I'm going out with him now, I'll be back by ten, alright?" He smiled softly at Alex, feeling bad for worrying him so much. _

__ "John, please listen to me. He's awful--"   
  
"Sh! Not another word, mister. Let me have my fun." He gave Alex one more of his classic smiles, then walked out the apartment door. He didn't have a worry in the world.

"I..I..uh.." John can't come up with a response. Even a simple "You too." seems incomprehensible. Jefferson merely sits there and smirks at him.

The officer that had escorted Jefferson there speaks. "Great, you're already acquainted." It sounded flat and scripted. "Well, I'll leave you two to talk. Call if you need anything, Mr. Jefferson." He said curtly, closing the door. The sound of it locking sends shivers down John's spine. He couldn't be in a locked room, ALONE with this man.

"So, how are you John?" Jefferson asks, fake as all hell.

_ "How are you doing tonight, John?" Jefferson questioned with a grand old smile. That smile made John's heart flutter. He couldn't help but admit..he was a LITTLE attracted to this man.  _

_ "I'm good. Now that I'm here." He said, perhaps he was being a little too obvious. "Roommate was giving me a rough time." He explains with a shrug. He wouldn't have trash talked Alex with anyone else. But he was DYING to just converse with this gorgeous man. _

_ "Why's that, doll?" Jefferson had asked, his Southern accent quite apparent. John liked that. He had spent years HIDING his accent, Thomas made him feel like he could just be himself.  _

_ "Oh..just silly stuff. It was my turn to do laundry and I forgot. He started bitching about it." He lied, blushing at Jefferson's pet name for him.  _

_ "Hmm...you should move in here, Johnny. I'd do our laundry every week." He offered. How could he make a sentence like THAT sound so sexy?! John coughed awkwardly. _

_ "Oh, I couldn't." John shook his head, playing with the corner of his sweater nervously. Only THOMAS could make him this nervous. _

_ "Why not, darling?" John's breath hitched. Those NAMES, dammit.  _

_ "He's not a bad guy, Alex. Just irritable." John passed off with a chuckle. _

_ "Alex?" Jefferson questioned, and that's when John remembered that they KNEW each other. He couldn't acquaint himself with Alex! Thomas might hate him, then too! _

_ "Oh, yeah. Uh..Alex..Mulligan." John blurted out. Herc's name was the first name that came to his head. "Alex Mulligan, yeah."  _

_ Thomas gave him a curious look, but shrugged. "You know.." He moved closer to John from where they had moved onto his couch. "I'm sure I'd be a much better roommate than this Alex Mulligan kid." He said it teasingly, but for some reason it worried John.  _

_ "I don't think I can--" But Jefferson stops John mid-sentence, brushing a strand of curly hair behind his ear. God, his hands were SOFT. _

_ "We could share a bed if you want." Thomas joked. But things were moving TOO fast for John. Sure, he would love to have a relationship with this man. He was one heck of a catch, but he wanted to get to know him first. _

_ "I like my space." John told him, maybe too seriously. But Jefferson didn't falter a second, ignoring the message John was giving him and pressing their lips together quite fiercely.  _

_ John enjoyed it for a second, but then pulled away. He didn't want this, not right now. It was overwhelming. He had JUST come to terms with his sexuality, after being raised in a household where he was told it was wrong. He couldn't have a relationship that moved this quickly. _

_ "Thomas, I'm sorry.." John immediately apologized for pulling away, but stood his ground. "But I can't do this right now." He explained, feeling very cornered. Instead of a disappointed look and an "okay" from Jefferson though, he got a "Sure you can, doll." As the man pulled him back in for another kiss.  _

_ It bothered John that he wasn't listening, and now Jefferson had made it so he was practically on TOP of John. It scared the freckled boy terribly. This wasn't the man he had met just a few days before.  _

_ "No, Thomas. Please, I really don't want to." John explained, but the man was already trying to wrestle his shirt off.  _

_ John immediately attempted to push him off, but was met with a startling glare from Jefferson. "Come on.." Jefferson urged, going again to take his shirt off. _

_ "No." John said seriously, now trying desperately to get AWAY. But Jefferson had him pinned down. Boy the man was strong.  _

__ "I don't take no for an answer." Thomas told him cruelly.   
  
Oh God. John started panicking. He REALLY didn't want this, now. 

_ "I said NO. Respect that, Thomas." John tried to stay assertive, but his voice was shaking terribly.  _

_ "Shut up. Look at me. Be GRATEFUL that I'm giving you all THIS." Jefferson said, cold and cocky as hell. John didn't find him attractive at ALL anymore, though. _

_ "Stop." John told him again, ignoring the comment. But Jefferson had managed to get his shirt off, it was clear he wasn't going to stop. John hated that he started crying, but he did. He HATED feeling so helpless. He prayed it'd be over with soon. _

"I'm in jail. And you're here. I've been better." John responds, cold as ice.

"Wow. I'm here to defend you and you're getting all snippy! Classic John Laurens. Was Hamilton the one that taught you to hold a grudge?" Jefferson asks, smirk still on his face.

"Get out." John tells him, terrified. "Get the HELL out." He points at the door, he can't stand a moment more of this. And it's not like he can run home to his friends for comfort.

"You don't mean that." Jefferson says, loftily. "I do." John retorts. "I really REALLY do. You need to learn to take no for an answer." He says, digging up their past quite quickly.

Jefferson just laughs. "Oh John, you're still claiming I raped you?"

John flinches. He HATES the way it sounded. It makes him sound weak, dumb, like he was overreacting. He knows he wasn't. He KNOWS he said NO. 

"You did." John responds, tears already finding their way into his eyes. "Please leave." He asks again, panic evident in his voice.

"I'm your lawyer. You don't want me to leave, doll." Jefferson says. And at that, John books it to the door. He tries the handle multiple times, nearly breaking down when it wouldn't budge even a bit. "Shit shit shit shit.." He mutters, banging on the door.

He feels like the walls were closing in on him. Jefferson is THERE. He's locked in a room with him. And he needs to get OUT. He starts banging on the door helplessly, whimpering when he hears Jefferson stand up. "Please open please.." But Jefferson was right behind him, breathing down his neck. 

"You look pretty in orange." Jefferson says smugly, and John feels his fingers trace down his spine, the only thing separating their skin was his prison garb. He turns around and pushes him away forcefully, surprisingly getting him to back off.

"Don't touch me." John orders, giving him a stronger look than he felt like he could even muster. "And get the hell out. I don't know how many more times I have to say it."

Surprisingly, it was ENOUGH for Jefferson. He stands there a moment longer, though, looking at John with anger now, not lust or ANYTHING else.

"I'll see you tomorrow, doll." He smirks for the thousandth time, taking out the key the officer must have given him and opening the door. John watched him as he pulled the door shut, and waited until he heard his footsteps echo down the hallway until he sat down again.

He needed to call his friends. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that! I got two chapters up in two days! #doneprocrastinating#notreally  
> Anyway....I'm SORRY!!!!!! Poor John. I love angst. Sorry if this was triggering for anyone, I really hope it wasn't. I tried not to go into too much detail xD Anyway I really hope you guys liked it! Your comments mean SO much to me, THANK YOU!! Just the fact that you're reading this means the WORLD! The whole UNIVERSE, really! So, thank you! Have a wonderful day/night/whatever it is! Love!! XXOO


	8. Chapter 8

It took about 20 minutes for John to convince an officer to let him use the phone. He lied and said he was calling his lawyer to discuss things again, which couldn't have been FARTHER from the truth.

He has the phone number to the apartment memorized, though no one picks up on his first call. 

"Shit.." He groans and tries again, jumping for joy when he hears a very familiar voice answer. "Allo?" Thank GOD it was Laf. 

Not that he didn't want to talk to Alex or anything...just Alex was a little much right now. John wasn't sure he could be a great boyfriend or WHATEVER he was while he was in jail and under extreme stress.

"Lafayette..oh thank god." John sounds breathless, and Laf is immediately worrying. "They let you call? Is everything alright?" He asks, the concern in his voice tugging at John heart-strings.

"No.." Is John's immediate answer. "I.." He doesn't know exactly how to phrase it. "Jefferson just showed up..apparently he's my lawyer. Don't I get to hire my own lawyer? He's gonna have me sent to prison for the rest of my life! God, Laf..it was awful..I was stuck. I-in this ROOM with him..and I couldn't get o-out and I thought.." His breathing becomes labored and he realizes he needs to calm down before going into full blown panic.

"Shhh..." Lafayette's voice was comforting even over the phone. "Mon chou, you must try and calm yourself..I'm not there, I can not help. I'm very sorry about that." 

John curses himself for the sudden attraction he has to Laf, he was with ALEX. He passes it off as just platonic love. 

"No no it's not your fault, Laf.." But John feels himself getting dizzy, and squeezes his eyes shut tightly. How did this happen? Was this all even REAL?

"I r-really miss you guys.." He admits, quite pathetically. "It's only been a d-day and all I want is to see you.." Laf can't tell if he meant this as HIM personally, or all three of them. Probably the latter. 

"We miss you so much, cher...I promise you won't have to stay there much longer. I promise. I promise." Lafayette could have said it a thousand times more. 

"Okay..alright..good..bueno.." John's voice cracks, and he feels reality completely slipping from him. 

"John, what are you doing?" Lafayette asks, confused as to why John just said "okay" as many ways as he could think of.

"I'm losing it." 

Theres a moment of silence, and Lafayette is rendered speechless. This was awful. When he says nothing, John continues.

"I can't go back into that stupid room..cell..whatever the hell it is. It's small. And freezing..and dark..and so lonely." He starts getting himself even MORE worked up, and Lafayette can hear it in his voice.

"Mon amour--"

"No. Laf, I CAN'T. I've been here less than 48 hours and I'm already going NUTS! I haven't slept a wink..I've hardly eaten a thing..I just sit in that room and think about how--"  
  
"John." Lafayette's voice has a sharp edge to it, and John actually shuts up. "Will they let me see you?" He asks, softer now. John's heart sped up again at the mere thought of seeing his friend. 

"Doubt it.." He says truthfully, frowning. Lafayette doesn't seem to care. "I will come anyway. I'll see you in 10 minutes, John Laurens." 

"Laf, they won't--"  
  
"Hush. I love you." And then the line cuts off. John stands a moment longer, phone still pressed to his ear. And then a guard shows up to take him back to his cell.

"I'm waiting for a friend, actually.." John tells the man timidly, and gets a shove in response. "Really, sir. My friend is coming to see me." John says again, wishing the man would just let him stay there and wait for Laf, who he was DYING to see.

"I'm sure. Move along." The officer says absently, grabbing John and trying to steer him by his shoulders. That REALLY set John off. "Hey!" John smacks his hands away, giving him a glare despite the OBVIOUS height difference.

"Can't I have visitors? I think I'm owed that right." John tells him stubbornly, suddenly more annoyed than anything. 

"You're not owed anything, kid. Let's go." The man says again, sounding irritable. 

"Quit being so fucking condescending! Can't I just wait for my friend?!" John screeches at him.

"You're a convict, buddy. Welcome to jail." And at that, the man was putting handcuffs around his wrists. "Piss off!" John starts screaming, and even attempts to KICK the man, which backfired completely. John was the only one that ended up with a bruise.

......

When Lafayette did show up, they made him sign out a "visiting application" which he was not too happy about. He really dislikes how John is ALREADY being treated as a felon, without even having a trial yet. Whatever it takes to see him though.

After thirty minutes and no sign of Lafayette, John completely gives up, crying softly. It was over. He knew even if he did make it out of this trial, no one would ever hire him. He doubts he'd even finish college! Everything is ruined, and it feels so unfair. SO unfair that he has to sit here and suffer. That he's stuck in this shitty cell with no one to talk to. With nothing but his thoughts to keep him occupied.

His head was still bleeding from when the officer had kicked him. It was QUITE the battle. John was appalled by how violent the officer was, what he did didn't SEEM legal. He's sure it wasn't. But still no one came to look at his head, and the man would probably keep his job. 

He sits there a while longer, whimpering every so often from the pain in his wounded head. When the door opens to reveal Lafayette, he's sure he's hallucinating. 

"Laf?" John says hopefully, going to stand up but finding he's too weak to do so, he had no leverage with his hands cuffed behind his back. 

"Oh..petit.." Lafayette nearly burst into tears right there. John was a depressing sight. His hair was in it's usual ponytail, but curly strands fell down on his face. He was wearing a bright orange prison suit, which made him look terribly thin. Blood was practically GUSHING from his temple, and the bruise he got himself yesterday had only deepened in it's purple color. The tears staining his face didn't help.

Laf had only seen him yesterday, but he looked FAR worse now. "My dearest John.." Lafayette rushes forward, scooping John up in his arms from where he was curled up on the floor. "Oh, god..you look.." He doesn't finish the sentence, eyebrows furrowing at the chains on John's wrists.

"Do they make you wear these all day?" He sounds horrified, and tries to take them off. It was a futile effort. 

"No. I got in a fight with a cop..he got pretty angry. Which explains my head." John informs, and Lafayette gasps, seeing the wound even clearer now. "We must get you help! That is dangerous, John! You're so pale, chou chou.." He touches John's temple gently, and John hisses. 

"I'll be okay." He manages, but Laf is shaking his head. 

"No no no, this is all wrong." Lafayette says, running his hands through his curly hair which he had left DOWN for once. "You..you can not be in here. Look what they've done to you. In such little time! And Jefferson..oh no.." Lafayette's accent is so thick, John hardly understands him.

"Laf, please calm down--"  
  
"It should be me! Not you not you.." Lafayette has tears on his own face now, and it breaks what is left of John's heart. 

"No. Laf, don't talk like that..I'm glad it's me. It'd be worse if it were you..worse than this." He admits, and Lafayette smiles, all watery and pathetic. 

"John..my John..I wish you would stop being so brave." The Frenchman lets out a broken laugh, and it sounds like a sob. John shakes his head. 

"Really, Laurens....you should have let that man beat me up..you shouldn't have stepped in..you should have protected yourself for once, mon ami--"  
  
"He would have killed you. I couldn't--"  
  
"You should have." Lafayette says resolutely, looking far too broken for John's own comfort.

"Well I didn't." John says a moment later. And that was that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very proud for ACTUALLY getting stuff done! Yeahhhh things just keep getting worse! But hang on friends, because they WILL get better! Thanks SOOSOSOSOOSO much for reading! I love y'all so much! XXOO


	9. Chapter 9

After that one visit from Laf, the days seem to blur together in John's eyes. 

Jefferson returns as he promised, but John refuses to go near him, and much to John's relief and Jefferson's dismay, the guards agree. No unwanted visitors.

Thomas returns day after day nevertheless, though John's answer is always the same. 

None of his friends attempt to contact him, and he doesn't talk much to ANYONE. There's no further discussion of getting him a new lawyer, though frankly he's stopped caring all that much. 

He sits in his cell for the entirety of most his days, though refuses to sleep on the bed, opting for the concrete floor instead. He had made a correlation between sleeping in a prison bed and actually committing a crime. He wasn't ready to admit to himself that he'd done something wrong. That he might never get out of this place again.

Its cold. VERY very cold. He doesn't know what day it is, though it doesn't matter much anymore. He's got nowhere to be. He doesn't even bother with food, only eats when they force him to. Only attempts the bare minimum. It takes it's toll.

The circles under his eyes look painted on, his hair is a lost cause now. He looks like a twig, and doesn't make any attempts to keep himself in good health. It's only been a few weeks, and he's caught a cold simply from SITTING in a cold cell all day.

He's sure his friends have forgotten him, and he feels ready to just let go altogether, accept his fate. But something pulls him from the edge.

SomeONE more like it. 

John barely registers the door opening, he's sitting on the floor, playing with the sleeve of his orange shirt. There's a very audible gasp from whoever has entered, but John doesn't even have the energy to look up. Not eating or sleeping can do that to you.

"John Laurens.." He hears his name, but still doesn't look up. He recognizes the voice, but thinks it's just his mind playing with him. Nobody could be here to see him. All his friends had forgotten. They must have forgotten.

Suddenly he sees a pair of shoes walking towards him. Those were familiar shoes. Beat up high tops, the Converse logo colored in with different sharpies. 

But they're too close to him now, and he doesn't like it. The room was small enough, he doesn't want anyone near him. TOUCHING him. He instinctively tries to back up, before realizing there's a wall there. There's a wall there and things feel claustrophobic again. He's gonna get hurt. This is going to HURT. He tries to take a deep breath, but his exhale sounds like some awful sob. 

"Oh John..what's happened to you?" 

_Wait._

He knows that voice. He knows it WELL. That voice was safe, warm, kind, friendly, love love love love--

"Hey JJ..?" John smiles for the first time in weeks. That nickname. Only ONE person called him that.

"Can you look at me, love?" The voice asks, and John has no choice but to comply. 

So it WAS Alexander.

"Alex.." John says, his voice sounding awful simply from LACK of use. But there's amazement in his eyes and the smallest of smiles on his lips. 

"I didn't think you were coming back.." He says softly, grabbing at the edge of Alex's sweater, trying to get him to sit on the floor next to him. Alex does. 

"Have you lost your mind, Laurens?" Alex asks, eyes filling with tears. The question hits a little too close to home for John. Alex shakes his head. "Why on Earth would I not come back? Of course I came back! Dammit, John..you know how much I love you!" Alex is terribly upset that John would even think like that. This sudden burst of emotion scares John slightly. He hasn't interacted with anyone for a while, he isn't ready for confrontations.

"I know." He looks back down, playing with his sleeve again, which was now wearing away from playing with it so much. "I'm sorry.." He squeezes his eyes shut, clearly bracing himself for something. 

Alex immediate regrets raising his voice. 

"No no..shh.." He cups Johns cheek very gently, not wanting to startle him. It does anyway. "I'm sorry, baby..I just don't want you to think like that. I tried to see you, I really did! But they wouldn't let me. Some bullshit about being an immigrant..I don't know. It's all settled now, though. I'm right here." He dares to hug John, and John practically melts. 

"God..you're thin.." Alex comments. He could feel John's ribs through his SHIRT.

"Haven't been hungry.." John says, curling into Alex's warm body. "Food here sucks anyway.." He laughs, but it's terribly sad. 

"You need to EAT, love. Look at you!" Alex feels a few tears slip from his eyes. He never thought John Laurens could be such a devastating sight. 

"I'm okay.." John protests, but is met with only shakes of Alex's head. "Don't lie to me, darling..I know you better than anyone." Alex claims, and John just hugs him tighter. 

"I'm cold.." He says, changing the subject entirely. 

"Here, love. Put this on..hm?" Alex takes his dark brown sweater off immediately, pulling it over John's head before he can stop him. It's too warm for John to give back once it's on. 

"Thank you." He smiles gently, loving how much the sweater smelled like Alex. 

"Oh!" Alex suddenly exclaims, startling John. "What?" John asks, and Alex is digging into his jacket. 

"I brought you something." Alex smiles at the curly haired boy, pulling an all too familiar item out of his jacket. 

It was John's turtle stuffed animal. It was no secret he cherished it deeply. He slept with it every night, it was named James after one of his brothers.

"Jamey?!" John's eyes light up, which looks so WRONG, taking the rest of his appearance into consideration. 

"Yes, Jamey. I thought you'd want him." Alex says with a grin, handing John the small green stuffed animal. John nearly bursts into tears of joy.

He grabs the toy eagerly and hugs it to his chest, breathing in it's scent.

"He smells just like home.." He observes quietly, home meaning their apartment. The thought makes him sad. The SMELL makes him sad. This wasn't home. He COULDN'T go home. Not now, anyway. 

"I really miss home.." He adds, still hugging the turtle close. Alex can't do anything but watch the poor man sadly. It was such a sad sight. HIS John, stuck in a prison cell, clinging to his stuffed animal like it was the only thing he had left. In some ways it was.

"I really d-do.." He bursts into tears suddenly, and Alex is quick to hug him again, sick to his stomach. "I want to go h-home.." John tells Alex, who shushes him gently.

"Shhhh...I promise you can go home soon, love..we'll get you out." He strokes John's messy hair, as the man's body is shaking with sobs.

"I want my own b-bed and the couch a-and I want to sit at the kitchen counter and watch TV with y-you guys in the morning..an-and I really want some c-coffee.." He completely loses it, and Alex feels helpless to pick up his broken pieces this time. Because the matter is, John isn't broken. He's **shattered.**

If something breaks, you take some glue, and you put it back together. It may take a while to fit all the pieces back together, and then you have to wait for it to dry....

But when something **shatters**....well that's a whole different story. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to do one a day but it takes so much time and I don't know wheRE TO GO FROM HERE BUT I WILL FIGURE IT OUT I PROMISE!!!!!! THANK YOUU SOOOO MUCH FOR READING!!!!!! ALL YOUR COMMENTS ARE MAKING MY LIFE AND I'M VERY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT IT SO THANK YOU SOSOOSOSOSO MUCH!!!!!! I LOVE Y'ALL XOXOOXOXO


	10. Chapter 10

"He's miserable. Miserable. We need him OUT of there!" Alex informs his two roommates when he arrives home from his visit with John.

"You think we do not know this, Alex? We feel just as awful as you do..." Laf sighs. While Alex was TECHNICALLY the boyfriend, Laf was the best friend, and it was clear that John's absence had taken it's toll. The Frenchman had absolutely none of his usual peppy spirit. 

"Y'all know we can't afford to bail him out of there.." Herc informs them for the tenth time that week. "I don't care if we have to live on the streets, Herc! Have you SEEN him recently? He'll die if he stays in there much longer! He's hardly eaten, or slept, I think he's gone into some deep depression--"  
  
"Ham! You don't need to guilt me into anything! We couldn't pay that bail money if we TRIED! We'd have to take out a loan, and we're not even allowed to take out as much as it'd cost to get him out!"  
  
"Fine. He needs a lawyer then. A GOOD lawyer." Alex is on to the next plan, making calculations in his head.

"We don't have the money for a GOOD lawyer." Herc tells him. Laf continues to sit at the counter quietly. They'd already had this conversation multiple times, and he was sick of it.

"It's not all about the money, Herc!" 

"Except it IS! No money, no lawyer!" Herc says, plain and simple. 

"This is hopeless.." Laf speaks, and Alex and Herc can both hear the crack in his voice. 

"Laf, don't talk like that--"  
  
"C'est fini! Je ne peux pas croire.." He starts outright crying, refusing any comfort from his two roommates.

It hurts enough seeing John so head over heels for someone OTHER than him, but now he doesn't even have John's friendship. 

"Il me manque tant.." He shakes his head, heading to his room, lying down on the bed that John usually slept in. It smells just like John, which completely pushes Laf over the edge. 

Laf was always emotional...but not like THIS. It was a rare occurrence for him to cry so openly, which is what told Alex and Herc that things had gotten bad. They're still standing in the kitchen, exchanging guilty glances. "I'm gonna go do some research on possible lawyers.." Alex tells Herc, giving him the green light to go talk to Laf.

However, Herc is promptly yelled at in French when he enters Laf's room. "Shhh..I just wanna talk." Herc tells him softly, sitting next to Laf, who was lying face down on the bed. His shoulders..no..his whole BODY was shaking violently as he cried. 

"I'm sorry me and Alex have been fighting so much, brother..it's just hard.." He tries to explain to the curly haired man, resting a hand on his back, which just makes Laf cry harder.

Herc doesn't say anything more for a few minutes, just gently rubs Laf's back, letting him cry it out. He kind of wanted to do the same thing, frankly.

He's not sure how long they stay like that, but Herc is almost spacing out by the time Laf speaks. 

"I am so scared for him, Hercules.." He almost starts sobbing again, but sits up instead, wiping tears from his red and puffy eyes.

"Me too, man.." Herc nods in agreement, putting his arms around Laf. 

"But, hey, Alex is finding him a lawyer right now.." Herc says reassuringly.

"I thought you said it would cost too much--"  
  
"Nah, man. This is John. You can't put a price on family.." He smiles sadly and Laf nods, feeling a bit of relief.

"I love him, Herc.." Laf says quietly.

"Me too, man." Herc says, but Laf shakes his head.

"As more than family.." Laf explains, and while Herc already suspected this, he still isn't sure what to say.

"Forget I said that..I just miss him, that is all. He has Alex, anyway.." Laf says quickly when Herc doesn't respond. 

"I'm sorry, buddy.." Is all Herc says.

"No, no, I understand. I should not have said that, really...I do not want to get in between them. They make each other so happy." He smiles, but Herc sees the tears welling up in his eyes again.

"You're a really great guy, Laf." Herc tells him, hugging him tightly. "And even if you and John can't be together..know that he cares about you SO much, man. As do I, and as does Alex." 

Laf smiles more genuinely when Herc says this, resting his head on his friend's shoulder. "We care about you too, Hercules." Laf returns, and Herc smiles in response.

"Come on, let's go save John." 

......

After HOURS of research, phone calls, debates, arguing, frustration, and broken beer bottles (Alex had gotten particularly upset when his laptop died and he couldn't find the charger) they finally seem to have found a lawyer for John.

"YES! Absolutely...I will. Thank you so much." Alex hangs up the phone, breathing out a sigh of relief and grinning at Laf and Herc. "I think I just hired John a lawyer." He claps his hands together, and Laf and Herc smile back. If Alex approved, they MUST be good.

"Her name is Angelica Schuyler, and she's one of the best! I could tell just from talking to her. Apparently she hasn't lost a single case yet!" And for the first time in weeks, there seems to be hope.

There's a quick group hug, before they all head to bed. It's already 2AM, but totally worth it.

This better work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Sorry I haven't updated for a little bit, I've been insanely busy! And now I have midterms coming up and UGHH! I was happy to take a writing break from my midterm studying for a bit, though! Yay for Lawyer Angie, right? Next chapter will be some fun Angie and John meeting stuff, I'm super excited! I might try to get that up tonight or sometime tomorrow! Please be patient with me, I'm sorry! Thank you SOOSOSOSOO much for reading, as usual! I love you all so much! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS AND KUDOS AND BOOKMARKS YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY THEY MAKE ME! Have an AMAZING day! Do not throw away your shot! Woo! XOXOXO


	11. Chapter 11

"Angelica Schuyler. I'm here to see John Laurens."

Angelica is up bright and early the next day, speeding over to the jail. She is wearing casual clothes, but holds a briefcase and has her hair tied back in a ponytail.

"You'll have to fill out a form first if you're a visitor." The man at the front desk tells her, not looking up.

"No, I'm his lawyer." She tells him, voice firm. He DOES look up at this, raising an eyebrow.

"YOU'RE his lawyer?" He questions, smirking a little. Angelica is put off by this, but only stands up straighter, glaring back at him. Sexism like this was common in her field, most of the people she worked with at the law firm doubted her. She proved them so entirely wrong.

"Did I stutter?" She asks cooly, pursing her lips. He looks a little intimidated by this, and his eyes go wide.

"I--uh.." He shrugs, looking down. 

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'd really like to get down to business. I haven't lost one case yet and I don't plan to, so would you mind pointing me in the direction of John Laurens?" She says sternly, a small smirk on her lips now.

He doesn't say a word as he leads her down the hall to John's cell. "You know, I'd really prefer a room with a table. Easier for working." She tells the man as he goes to open the door. He nods quickly. "Of course, m'am. There's one right there down the hall, I'll bring him in." The man tells her, and she smiles, happy that she was getting her way so easily.

"Wonderful." She says, strutting down the hall like she owned the place. 

She's quick to set her papers and folders out on the table. Since her call with Alex so early that morning, she'd done EXTENSIVE research, and already had tons of evidence to prove John not guilty. He wasn't innocent, no. He definitely killed someone. But he WASN'T guilty. 

When John entered the little conference room, however, he sure LOOKED like a criminal. Wild, curly hair. Bruises and cuts. Orange prison suit. He was thin as a stick. 

She sighs. He'd need a makeover before the trial. 

The only part of him that she could find some innocence in was his eyes. They seemed sad, hopeless, young and terrified. His abundance of freckles certainly helped paint the innocent picture that she was going for. 

The man that had given her such a rough time earlier goes to put handcuffs around John's wrists. John either doesn't protest, or does so so lightly that Angelica doesn't notice. He sits down across from Angie, staring intently at the table between them.

"Let me know if you need anything." The man says, not sounding genuine in the least. He leaves without another word, and Angelica spends the next minute observing John with a quiet fascination. He doesn't say a word.

"So, you're John Laurens." She says, and John can hear the soft smile in her voice. He doesn't move, let alone speak.

"I'm Angelica Schuyler, your lawyer." She continues anyway. John looks up at this, and Angelica finally gets a good look at his face. Behind the hurt and tortured look, she could see the kindness. He was no criminal.

"I didn't hire a lawyer.." He says, and Angelica has to lean in to hear him, he talks so quietly.

"Your friend called me. Alex." She informs him, and John looks ready to cry just at the name. A small smile is on his lips now though, and it gives her more hope for this case.

"Oh.." He says, nodding. He looks ready to say something more, but seems stuck searching for the words. Angelica waits patiently.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks, and Angelica has half the mind to tell him to talk louder. She can hardly understand him. 

"Of course." She says, leaning back in her seat, trying to make John feel more comfortable.

"I need you to be honest...what are the chances we win this case?" He asks, and Angelica is a little surprised by his frankness. He'd seemed so shy up until then.

"Honestly.." She starts, trying to find the right words. "I know what you did was...out of fear. Friendship. He was going after your friend." John nods at this, confirming she was correct.

"If we can get the jury..the judge..the WORLD to see that, to understand that....well, there's no chance we'll lose." She smiles, and reaches across the table to give John's hand a squeeze. It was a bold move, as she hardly knows him, but she has two sisters, and her big sister instincts were kicking in.

John looks nothing but relieved at her words and her touch, and she figures this is the first time he's genuinely smiled for a while now. 

"I fully intend to do that." She assures him, smiling right back at the freckled boy.

"Now, what do you say we get down to business?" She asks, gesturing to the papers laid out on the desk. 

"What else is there to do?" John shrugs, and Angelica grins. 

If she wasn't his lawyer, she'd really like to be his friend. Perhaps she could do both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER short chapter, but I put two up today soooo please don't be mad xD I didn't proofread so don't mind any mistakes! YAY Angie, right? I love her! Anyway, thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Have a greattttt day! XOXOXO


	12. Chapter 12

"What if we can't do it, Ange? What if it's not enough?"

"John, I've got it under control! How many times do I have to tell you?" Angelica has been working on this case for weeks, searching for and analyzing every little piece of evidence or information she could find.

While she's CONFIDENT in her ability to win this case, with the trials starting tomorrow, John is having doubts.

"I know...I know, it's just.." John sighs. He leans against the wall of the room they'd been meeting up in since her first visit to the jail.

"We've got one shot. One shot and it's over...you don't know what's at stake here, Angie!" Angelica has to keep herself from rolling her eyes at John. She MORE than knows the stakes here.

Over the past few weeks, she and John have been getting closer and closer, so much so that he's practically her adoptive brother now.

"John, sweetheart. Sit down?" She gestures to the chair across from her at the table, which John reluctantly takes.

Angelica takes a deep breath, as though she were about to lecture John.

"You KNOW how hard I've worked on this. It'd be nice if you'd have at least a LITTLE faith in me, kiddo." She says, chuckling a little, despite John's somber expression.

"No no, I know. That's not what I meant." John backpedals, and Angie just laughs. "Then why the worry?"

"I'm just scared, Ange. This is my whole life."

She doesn't know how to respond to that one. While she would normally treat the conversation with more levity, John might be offended by her not taking this seriously. She needs to be honest, she can't just tell him what he wants to hear.

"I would promise you that we're gonna win this..but I'd be lying if I did. We both know this isn't going to be easy, and I would never want to let you down like that." She starts, and John gives her his undivided attention.

"I would never want to let you down at all, John." She says this sincerely, and John feels a pang in his chest. Thinking he doesn't deserve her wonderful friendship...everything she's done.  

"But I believe that things will work out. I truly do. Because life has a funny way of working out just when you think it never will." She tells him, offering one of her genuine smiles that never cease to warm John's heart. 

John doesn't say a word, but stands up with tears in his eyes, pulling Angie in for a tight hug.

He feels more at home than he ever thought he could in a place like that.

"I love you, Angie." He says, his voice sounding strangely small.

"I love you too, kiddo." Angelica rubs his back gently before pulling away.

"Don't you worry about this, okay? I'm getting you out of here. For GOOD." She promises, smoothing out his curly hair a bit. 

"Now, listen. I'm going to pick you up at 6:00 tomorrow morning. I wanna get to the courthouse nice and early, okay?" She says.

John groans. "That's so earlyyyy! Can't we go at 7:00?" He asks with a pout.

"Nope! Big day, Laurens! I'll bring donuts and coffee." She bribes with a grin, at which John's face lights up.

"COFFEE!! ANGELICA, I HAVEN'T HAD COFFEE IN YEARS!" He grins widely, bouncing a little on his toes.

"Drama queen." Angelica rolls her eyes but smiles at John's excitement. "I also got you a suit for court. You'll look more presentable." She chuckles, giving John a pat on the back. "Oh! And your friends are coming. They were MORE than happy to get up at 6:00 to come see you!" She smiles, and John looks ecstatic.

"You talked to them? You mean they'll be there tomorrow?" He grins, and it breaks Angelica's heart. He's too sweet to deserve any of this.

"Of course they will! I called them just this morning." She tells him, and John is simply giddy. "You're the best, Ange!" It is seriously crazy how happy he is, considering it's the DAY before he's going to trial. Perhaps it's because there's hope for once. 

..........................

The following morning, John wakes up grumpy, and nearly refuses to go with Angie...that is until she shoves a donut and a cup of coffee in his face.

With the caffeine and some food in him, his energy spikes, along with his anxiety levels. The importance of the day and the days to follow are finally hitting him. Hard. Kind of like his friends when they attack him with hugs. Clearly, they'd gotten to the courthouse early.

"JOHN LAURENS!!"  
  
"Man, am I happy to see you!!!"  
  
"It has been so long, petit!!"  


He mood improves, as he's now being SMOTHERED with love from his friends. 

"I missed you guys too...so much so much!" He admits, wishing he could hug them all at the same time.

"You look better than the last time I saw you, baby girl," Alex says with a pleased smile, and John blushes fiercely at the nickname.

"Eh, Angie's been keepin good care of me." John smiles back and Angelica laughs. "Why don't you guys catch up? I need to go look over some of my stuff. Technically, John, you need to be under my supervision...but I trust you. Just don't run off or you'll get me in trouble." She smiles and waves goodbye to the three other boys, heading inside.

"John, my John.." Alex throws his arms around John again, peppering his face with kisses that make John giggle.

Herc sees Laf visibly flinch, he really WAS taking their relationship hard. In response to this, Herc throws an arm around Laf, acknowledging that  _he_ understands. That  _he_ cares.

Laf give Herc a glance, then looks down at his shoes, embarrassed that he can't control himself. Herc really doesn't blame him. 

"Angelica is great, isn't she? You'll be home in NO time, baby! I promise." Alex is immediately talkative, and ALL over John. 

Herc really doesn't blame HIM either. 

......

They retire to the courthouse soon after that, and Angie instructs John on everything he's supposed to do. Which is practically nothing. John is hopeful.

_Maybe this will be quick, maybe we'll win, maybe I'll be sleeping in my own bed by next week! Maybe--_

"We'll be right there the whole time, babe." Alex interrupts John's thoughts, informing him that he, Herc and Laf will stay the whole trial,  and hopefully get to talk to him afterward.

_ Smooth  sailing!  _ John thinks to himself. 

And it really is....

Until the trial actually starts.

......

It only takes ten minutes for things to go terribly wrong.

The first horror of the day would be that Thomas Jefferson is defending the victim. 

Even though Angelica Schuyler is a beast, John KNOWS that Jefferson always gets what he wants. And BOY does he want John locked up.

Things only get worse, though, as the first person that Jefferson calls to the stand is John's father, Henry Laurens. 

God knows he wants the exact same thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I NEED SLEEEPPP! Sorry, I totally killed myself to get this chapter up but WORTH IT!! I really hope you guys like it! I'm sorry it took so long and it kinda sucks but i needed to add SOMETHING. ANyway, LOVE YALLLLL


	13. Chapter 13

_Impossible._

_This is impossible._

_He can't be here he can't be here he can't be here--_

John feels Angelica grab his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

It wasn't all that reassuring. 

He'd told her all about his father. All the abuse that he'd endured as a kid. How even though people probably saw the bruises, they would never call out good old Senator Laurens.

John hasn't seen his father in years. He left South Carolina so FAR behind when he moved to New York. He hardly ever thought about it anymore, too overwhelmed by the bustle and the busy of the city. He loves it here and he doesn't want to soil that happiness with old memories.

Then again, if the memory is sitting right in front of you...it's hard to forget.

John registers the talking, the pressing questions, the horrid sound of his father's voice ringing through the courtroom. He is in too much shock to understand much of it, though. So he just stares at the table in front of him.

_Maybe if I stare hard enough I'll disappear. Maybe this is a dream. I'm dreaming, aren't I? He's not really here...I'm safe I'm safe--_

"Mr. Laurens, your son had violent tendencies as a child, correct?" Jefferson's voice sounds, and John can practically hear the smirk in his voice.

"Objection!" He sees Angelica stand up as immediately as Jefferson opens his mouth. "On what grounds, Ms. Schuyler?" The judge asks her. "Leading question." She says, and Jefferson sighs. "Allow me to rephrase." He flat out rolls his eyes, and Angelica wants to punch him. 

"DID your son have violent tendencies as a child?" He asks again, and John can't bring himself to even look up. This is too overwhelming. He can feel everyone's eyes on him, just waiting for him to fuck things up. The room is suddenly getting hot, and John feels like he might pass out. 

"Yes. He was always fighting with his siblings." His father starts.

_I fucking loved all of them. I took the blows from you FOR them._

"Always arguing back and forth with me, over juvenile things."

_You wanted to send me to conversion therapy._

"He got into fights at school a lot, almost got suspended once or twice for poor behavior."

_I kept my head down at school. Got beat up by OTHER kids._

"I think the worst of it was the time he tried to hit his mother."

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!" John is out of his chair in less than a second, set off by the mention of his mother.

He knows he's not allowed to do this. He's supposed to keep his mouth shut. No way was this helping his case, but it doesn't matter.

"YOU hit her! You hit ME!! You dictated the whole fucking household!!!" He screeches, and Angelica is desperately trying to get him to sit back down. He breaks away from her grip, though, running right up to his father.

"And YOU got her KILLED!! I never did shit to you! Or her! I LOVED mom!! I LOVED HER AND YOU KILLED HER!! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!!!" 

But there are guards grabbing his arms, now, dragging him out. "I HATE YOU!!! AND SHE HATED YOU TOO!!" 

The door of the courtroom slams and he immediately starts sobbing, not even trying to put up a fight with the guards. They drag him into a random room and lock the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

His mother had been killed in a car accident.

His father was the one driving the car.

It was right after John's mom had tried to leave him, and take the kids with her. 

John is convinced to this day that Henry had crashed the car on purpose. The only side with damage was the passenger's side, where his mother had been sitting.

Of course, no one would believe him if he told them. No, Senator Laurens was too good a man to do such a thing.

John really DID love his mother. More than anything. Things only got really bad after she'd passed. 

He can't believe he just did that. Flipped out in front of everyone. He probably just lost them the trial. He scoffs at this thought, shaking his head. 

_I didn't mean to make things such a mess._

* * *

It's a good hour or so before the door opens again, revealing a FURIOUS Angelica Schuyler. "John. Let's go." Is all she says, grabbing his arm and yanking him off the floor.

"Angie, I'm sorry." He says meekly, but she doesn't even respond, just leads him out of there and into another room, where he's surprised to see his three roommates waiting.

But he doesn't want to talk to them now. Not after that.

"John." Alex is the first to speak, but John can't even look at him.

"Can you leave, please?" John interrupts, his voice breaking. 

He can't have them here with him like this. He's on the verge of completely falling apart and he doesn't want any of them to see that.

"Please...I don't want you guys seeing me like this." He explains, staring at the floor, tears still streaming down his face.

"Baby--"  
  
"PLEASE, Alex. Please." John says again,

None of them can argue with that, and so they do leave, not saying a word as the door closes.

John feels truly alone, then. Even with Angelica in the room.

"Do you even know what you just did?" She asks him, and it's the first time that John has ever seen her truly angry with him.

"I'm glad I did it." John says plainly. "He needed to hear it."

"Yeah, and you needed to win this trial. We are so FAR from doing that now, John. We are so far. Everything went downhill after you--"

"What do you want me to do about it, Angelica?!?! I'm sorry!! Okay, I'm sorry!" He cries, burying his face in his hands.

"Yeah. Me too." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever to get up, you guys! I'm back now, though! Hope you enjoy, sorry for the angst! Comments and kudos are ALWAYS appreciated! Thanks SO much for reading! Love y'all!


	14. Chapter 14

John feels like he’s underwater. His ears are buzzing for some unknown reason, which kind of helps, considering Angelica is screaming at him.

“Irresponsible..” Angelica mutters, beyond angry over John's courtroom behavior.

 _'He killed my mother'_ John thinks, scowling at the mere thought of his father. 

“Unnecessary..”

_He KILLED my mother._

“Childish..”

_He KILLED my MOTHER._

“Stupid..”

“HE KILLED MY MOTHER!!” John screeches at her finally, voicing his thoughts. She nearly swerves off the road at his yelling, trying to calm herself.

“Do you honestly think that the court CARES, John?! Records say she got in a car accident! That's it! Whether or not that was your father’s fault doesn’t matter. You’re the one that killed someone!” She tells him bluntly, eyes staring straight ahead at the road.

She doesn’t even turn to him when she hears his quiet sobs, no matter how heartbreaking it is. She just yanks him out of the car once they’re stopped, ignoring how he winces at her tight grip. She is BEYOND furious.

“Cut out your crying, okay? John, I need you to be strong for me right now..” She tells him, pulling papers out of her bag with one hand, even as they’re walking into the jail.

“I can’t, Ange..I can’t..” John sobs, breathing heavily.

“You need to, Laurens! Stop it, before you hyperventilate.” She tells him, eyes scanning papers among papers of research, searching for SOMETHING that could fix this.

“Angelica, please..” John is on the verge of a panic attack, and Angelica leads him to their usual meeting room, sitting him down at the table and closing the door.

“John, look at me.” She says seriously, but John is shaking his head, wild curls flying out of his ponytail and falling around his face.

“John, I need you to look at me,” Angelica repeats, putting her hands on either side of his face to stop his movement.

John looks at her with teary eyes, trembling in her grip. Angelica waits for him to calm down a little more, finally speaking once his breath has evened out a little.

“John…what you did today was quite possibly the dumbest thing ever.” She starts off, and John lets out a sad sound but nods in understanding.

“But I’m Angelica fuckin Schuyler, and I very much intend on fixing it. You mean the world to me, John. You’re like my family..I’d do anything for family, you hear?” She says, serious yet somehow calming him.

John nods, allowing a small smile to catch on his lips. “I’m sorry.” He says, genuinely this time.

“I know.” Angelica smiles softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You’re forgiven, little bro.” She promises, pulling away. “Now, I need to get to work on some stuff. All YOU gotta do is keep your mouth shut next time!” She says, but she’s obviously teasing and John chuckles.

“It’s harder than it looks.” He jokes back. “Oh, trust me, I KNOW!” She agrees, hugging him quickly. “I’ll be back tomorrow, kay? Things will be fine.” She promises him.

“Okay.” He manages in response, watching as she walks out the door. He slumps down on the floor, then, taking deep breaths for the first time in hours.

……

His roommates all show up the next day, and frankly, he’s not too pleased, still not wanting to confront them.

But the way that Laf is looking at him just melts his heart—

_No._

_No, don’t think about Laf like that. You’re in love with Alex._

“John?”

“You with us, buddy?

“Earth to Laurens!”

_Oh. They’ve been talking. And your eyes are closed, what the hell, John?_

“Huh?! Sorry!” John’s eyes snap open again, and he looks up at his three roommates who are practically circling around him like hawks.

“Man, you NEED some rest. Can’t even keep your eyes open!” Herc frowns, patting him on the back.

“No, I’m f-fine, Herc..” John tries, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up.

“Oh, my poor JJ…” Alex looks close to tears, and takes John into his arms, kissing his hair.

John just accepts it. Because he DOES love Alex, even if he’s hard to manage at times.

“I’m okay, babe. Promise.” John tells him, even as he yawns.

“Mon Dieu, we are keeping you awake? John, lie down, you really do need ze rest.” Lafayette frowns, trying to get John into bed.

“Nuh uh..I’m wide awake..” John protests weakly, pushing away Laf’s strong hands.

“Shhhh..just lay down, chou chou.” Laf coos, pulling the cold sheets of John’s cell’s bed over his now TOO thin body.

“I’m not...don’t make me, I’ll have a nightmare, Laf, please..” John holds his own eyes open with his hands, determined to stay awake.

Alex pushes Laf out of the way, and Laf has to use all his might to not punch Alex right in the face.

“It’s okay, I’m here..” Alex tells John, and Laf rolls his eyes. Alex ALWAYS has to be the hero.

“I’ll stay with you till you fall asleep, baby..I’m right here, you don’t have to be scared.” Alex cups John’s cheek gently, and John’s eyes finally flutter shut.

“Thank you..” John says, leaning into Alex’s touch.

Alex turns to Herc and Laf. “You guys can leave, I’ll come home once John is asleep.” He tells them, and Laf clenches his jaw. “Okay.” He says through gritted teeth, moving closer to the bed.

“Goodnight, mon chou. Sleep well....” He says to John, leaning down to kiss his forehead, just in time for Alex to yank him away from John by his ponytail. Yes, Alex is the jealous type.

“OW!” Laf winces. John’s eyes snap open again, looking up at Laf. “What happened?” He asks, as his eyes were closed.

“Stubbed my toe! Bye, Laurens!” Laf says hurriedly when he sees Alex giving him the death glare. Herc says goodbye too, and they leave before anything else suspicious happens.

As soon as they’re in the hallway, though, Laf is on the verge of tears and starts swearing under his breath in French.

“I know, buddy..” Herc catches on, putting a hand on Laf’s back and leading them out of the place to catch a cab.

“Before you ask, Hercules…no. I do not want to talk about it.” Laf says, staring at the ground, only moving when their cab comes and Herc is pushing him into it.

“I’m here for you if you ever do.” Herc tells Laf just in case, suddenly feeling awful for the man, so helplessly in love with someone he can’t have.

……

“Shhhh….just close your eyes, my love.” Meanwhile, Alex is coaxing John to sleep, who is having lots of trouble with it.

“I want Jamey..” John whines and Alex looks around the room, grabbing the stuffed turtle from where John must have accidentally dropped him under the bed.

“Found him, baby.” Alex says, handing the turtle to John who makes an adorable little noise of happiness.

“Ready for sleep?” Alex asks, brushing some curls away from John’s eyes.

“Mmmmm..” John hums, curling in on himself, colder than usual because of how thin he’s gotten.

“JJ?” Alex asks suddenly, and John merely nods, eyes still closed. Alex takes this as a cue to continue.

“Promise me you’ll eat something later?” He asks gently, poking at John's stomach a little. “Your abs are all gone, baby! Gotta eat up if you want that six pack back.” He justifies with levity, KNOWING how obsessed John was with keeping his body strong and toned. Or at least how obsessed he used to be.

John shakes his head gently. “I feel sick whenever I look at food..” He admits, pulling the all too thin sheets around himself.

“That’s BECAUSE you haven’t been eating! Baby, please..for me? I’m so worried.” Alex prods, and John suddenly feels awful for upsetting his boyfriend so much.

“Okay. I promise.” John whispers, and Alex smiles in relief, kissing his head. “Thank you. Now, get some rest, JJ. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Alex promises.

He sits there until he hears John’s breathing slow so much that he’s certain he’s asleep. Alex sneaks out the door silently, happy that John was sleeping and quite possibly eating.

But something is nagging at him. Well, A LOT of things are..it’s too much to think about.

He gets a drink.

……

Laf is curled up on one of their big, comfy, chairs in the living room. He’s got a mountain of blankets on top of him and a book in his hand.

Herc went to take a shower a while ago. He’s been taking much longer showers lately, but neither Laf or Alex ask him about it. He’s been the strongest through this whole ordeal, they assume he just needs some space once in a while.

Laf flinches when he hears the front door slam shut, and looks up to see Alexander in the darkened doorway, with an unrecognizable look in his eyes.

“Alexandre–”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Alex stumbles over to Laf, who sinks further into his chair, confused and a little scared.

“I–uh..nothing?” He says, furrowing his eyebrows. “What are you talking about, mon ami?” He asks, trying to hold back his anger at Alex from earlier. Just forget about it.

“With John.”Alex says, stepping right up to Laf’s chair, glaring down at him. “I KNOW how you feel about him. It’s so fucking obvious.” He spits out, grabbing Laf by the shirt collar.

Well. Laf was not expecting this. “I do not want to come in between you two.” Laf says earnestly, confirming Alex’s suspicions without directly saying so.

“Then what was all that with trying to kiss him?!” Alex shrieks, words slurred together. Laf smells the alcohol on his breath and tries to escape his grip.

“I am French. We are affectionate, I did not mean it like that.” He knows exactly what incident Alex is talking about, and he already knew Alex was upset about it, he had quite forcefully pulled him away from John when it happened. Yet, Laf keeps his voice calm and quiet, somehow, not wanting to set Alex off.

But Alex rips him off the couch, anyway, throwing one hard punch at Laf’s cheek. Laf stumbles over, falling to the floor. He was not prepared for that.

“Fuck you, Lafayette! You’re not gonna steal John from me! Not when so many other things already have!!” Alex yells, straddling Laf on the floor and punching him repeatedly. Laf is too shocked to fight back.

 _This isn’t Alex_. He tries to remind himself.

_He’s drunk. Sober Alex would never hurt you._

_Then again, look at everything else this has done to us._

When Laf starts worrying he’ll pass out if he gets another punch, he manages to throw his arm up hard enough to hit Alex, who finally falls off of him.

Laf sighs in relief and stands up, thinking of what to do next when an arm wraps tightly around him, holding him in a chokehold.

“Alex–” Laf squeaks out, weakly attempting to get out of his grip.

“You are drunk, petit…you do not know what you are doing, please let me go..” He pleads, coughing as Alex tightens his grip even more.

“Do you know why John is in jail, Lafayette?” Alex skips right over Laf’s pleas, speaking tauntingly.

“Alex, please–” “DO YOU?!” Alex asks again, pulling a pocket knife out of his coat.

That’s when Laf starts hyperventilating. He’d bought that knife for Alex, telling him to use it to keep himself safe. Laf now felt anything BUT that.

“He…he killed..someone, Alex. He killed someone.” Laf manages, and feels the blade under his chin, forcing him to tilt his head back painfully.

“And who’s fault is that, Lafayette?” Alex prods, tone taunting and quite frankly, terrifying.

“Jo–” Laf stops himself. That’s not the answer Alex wants. “The man’s fault, Alexandre–” He tries to correct himself.

“NO!” Alex yells, tightening his grip even more, nearly cutting off Laf’s airways.

“You know who’s fault it really is?” Alex asks, his voice dripping with venom.

Laf shakes his head gently, hoping not to cut himself on the blade pressing so hard against his skin.

“YOUR FUCKING FAULT, LAFAYETTE!!!!” Alex yells directly in his ear, and Laf loses it, starting to cry.

Alex is right, he thinks. It’s my fault. I started the fight with the man, John was merely stepping in to help.

It’s all my fault.

“HERCULES!!! HERC! HELP!!” Laf decides to yell out, desperately wanting to get away from Alex and just think things through. Alex clamps a hand over Laf’s mouth, silencing him.

Laf continues to yell anyway, and of course, Herc is out of the bathroom in a second, hurriedly pulling on a pair or sweatpants.

“Laf?! Are you ok–ALEX WHAT THE HELL?!?!” Herc yells and Alex just laughs, causing Laf to shiver.

“Hercules..” Laf pleads, struggling in Alex’s arms. Herc shoots Laf a panicked and apologetic glance, putting his hands up in an almost surrender.

“Whoa whoa whoa…okay, let’s all just calm down, okay?” Herc says, gesturing for Alex to drop the knife and let go of Laf. He doesn’t.

“Alex, please...I know dis iz not you. John would not want zis..” Laf cries to Alex, his accent getting heavy in the panic of Alex trying to actually HURT him.

Alex lets out a low growl at this, pressing the tip of the blade directly under Laf’s chin, causing him to cry out.

“Alex, man, cut this out. I know you’re going through a rough time right now..we all are. But in any right state of mind, you wouldn’t hurt a FLY! And definitely not Laf.” Herc reasons, voice shaky.

Alex pauses a moment, and Herc and Laf hope it’s because he’s taking the words into consideration.

“It’s his fault. He got John put in jail. He started all of this.” He says finally, but not yelling anymore. Laf cries even harder when he says this, caught in between panic and guilt.

“I am s-so sorry..I did not mean to–” “YOU THINK THAT FUCKING MATTERS, LAFAYETTE?!” Alex interrupts Laf’s quiet attempt at and apology, and Herc takes a few steps forward, worried that Alex might seriously hurt him.

“Okay, we can talk this out like mature adults, okay? Alex, drop the knife and let him go.” Herc says calmly, though his voice has a dangerous hint to it.

Miraculously, Alex does let go, a tad roughly. Laf stumbles forward, and Herc catches him before he falls, pulling him up and behind him, protecting him from Alex.

“Alex, go shower, and then we’ll talk about this.” Herc tells him, like a stern parent. Alex is terribly tipsy, and Laf wonders how he kept his grip so strong. Nevertheless, Alex stumbles to the bathroom, following Herc’s instructions without a word.

As soon as they hear the shower turn on, Herc sits Laf down, rubbing his back. “Hey hey, it’s okay..” He soothes, crouching down on the floor across from Laf and putting his hands on his shoulders.

Laf is shaking his head, crying. “He hates me so much.” He chokes out, chest rising and falling at a dangerously quick pace.

“Laf, he’s drunk. He’s got no clue what he’s doing!” Herc tries to reason, tilting Laf’s head to look him in the eyes.

Laf’s brown eyes are filled with tears, and Herc can hear his shaky breathing. “I do not blame him, Hercules, h-he is right.” Laf admits, letting out a sob.

“Shhhhh..” Herc pulls him in for a hug, and Laf cries into his shoulder, overwhelmed by all the thoughts in his head.

“It’s not your fault, Laf. Alex doesn’t really believe that…he had no right to do that to you.” Herc tells him, petting his hair gently.

“You’re safe, I’ve got you.” Herc continues, and Laf eventually pulls away, not crying anymore but wiping his eyes.

“You okay?” Herc asks, and Laf could just kiss the man.

“Do you ever think about yourself, Hercules?” He asks, cracking a smile.

“One of our best friends just had a knife to your throat, I think that exceeds any of my problems.” Herc laughs.

“I am just saying…I’m not TOTALLY weak. You can talk to me whenever you’d like.” Laf informs him, sniffling a little.

Herc smiles back warmly, nodding. “Good to know. Come on, I should clean up those cuts for you. How did such a small guy beat you up?” Herc snickers.

“Shut up, Hercules. I was caught off guard.” Laf giggled.

“Whatever you say!” It’s one of their first moments of normal in months, and neither want it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Six years later* YAYY! I WROTE STUFF! Don't mind all the errors, I didn't proof read cuz I've got so much other stuff to do! Anyway, hope you guys enjoy! THANKS SOOSSOSOOSOSO SOS HFSUDHBJVXCK MUCH FOR READING THIS I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU OMG IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME  
> ANYWAY  
> Have a GREAT day!!!!!! XOXOXOXOXO


	15. Chapter 15

“John Laurens, man, we need you home. Like right now.” Herc sighs into the phone, rubbing his temples to try and ward off an imminent headache. 

“Herc, don’t you think I’d come home if I could?” John mutters, exasperated. His lack of sleep and food is making him quite irritable, and frankly, Herc’s phone call seems a little pointless.

“No...man, I’m serious.” Herc starts.

“So am I.” John retaliates. He hears Herc take a breath. There’s silence a moment longer.

“Alex and Laf are completely tearing each other apart. Look, if we don’t do something, they’re gonna end up in jail with you! It’s out of hand, dude!” Herc admits to John, waiting for a reaction.

John is speechless for a couple seconds, trying not to get choked up.

“Hercules..” It is rare for John to call him this, and Herc knows that John must be upset if this is any indication.

“I am in jail for murdering someone right now, and you're honestly telling me that my boyfriend and one of my best friends are TEARING EACHOTHER APART?!” John screeches into the phone, and gets a look from a guard watching him nearby.

“Like I said...I would give ANYTHING to go home, but it’s just not gonna happen, Herc!” He sighs, a small sob coming out with it. 

“John, I’m sorry I told you--”

“NO! Now I have even MORE to worry about! I’m about to rip my fucking hair out, Herc!” John is ballistic, and Herc has to hold the receiver further from his ear because he’s yelling so loud.

John goes on for about another minute before Herc presses the phone back to his ear. He speaks slowly, so as to not set John off again.

“John. Is there ANYONE in your family that can pay the bail? Anyone? C’mon, Laurens..” Herc completely changes the subject of John’s anger, the wheels in his head turning to try and find a solution.

“Herc, my dad testified AGAINST me! My whole family hates me!” John’s anger is still there, but at least he’s talking quieter now. 

Herc pauses, thinking. There has to be someone from his family! John had always complained about how he hated growing up in such a wealthy family, how he hated not having to work for anything. But maybe now his family’s wealth could HELP him. 

“One of your sisters, John...uh...Martha! Didn’t you say you guys were close?” Herc suggests desperately. 

John doesn’t say a word, which makes Herc think he’s right in this. He knows there is no way John will ask her to pay bail, though, who knows if she even still has money after moving out of her dad’s house. 

“John? Ask her! She’ll do it and then you can come home and you’ll win the trial and everything will be fine--” Herc is abruptly cut off.

“Shut up, Herc! Don’t get anyone’s hopes up, okay? No way am I asking her. I can’t ask anyone for something like that...this is my mess.” John insists.

“John, please. If she doesn’t want to then she won’t! There’s no harm in asking!”

“Drop it!” John snaps, and Herc actually shuts up, feeling bad. He knows this isn’t normal John, and doesn’t fault him for his rudeness, despite feeling a little hurt.

“Okay.” He promises, crossing his fingers. “I’ve gotta go check on Laf and Alex. I’ll talk to you soon, kay, Johnny?” They bid goodbye to one another and Herc hangs up, sighing.

He needs to find Martha’s number.

This task is much simpler than he’d expected. It only takes about ten minutes for Herc to hack into John’s computer (Password: Iloveturtles) and searching Martha’s name in his contacts is the easy part.

Herc stares at the computer screen for a while, caught in between guilt and desperation. He finally decides that as much as John might hate him for it….he has to do this.

He’s surprised when she picks up on the second ring, as the call was from an unknown number. 

“Hello?” Herc immediately likes Martha, even her voice sounded sweet. 

“Uh, hi…” Not a smooth start, Mulligan. 

“I’m Hercules Mulligan.” He clears his throat, talking confidently and then realizing how strange he must sound.

“..But..uh.. you can call me Herc..I’m friends with your brother. John.” He informs her, and he can hear her excited squeal.

“JACKY?! Oh, I haven’t talked to him in ages!! Little Jack! Oh, is he around?! I’d love to talk with him!” She sounds unbearably excited and clearly hasn’t heard the news.  
“Oh, uh..no one told you?” Herc asks tentatively, and Martha raises an eyebrow to herself.

“Told me what?” She returns, sounding scared.

“John...he uh..he’s in...jail. He’s in jail..” Herc talks quietly, hating that he has to break the news to her.

“I’m sorry, I think I misheard you.” Martha laughs forcefully, clearly in denial.

“No..uh..he really is in jail,” Herc says again, feeling like a total ass. 

There’s silence on the line.

Geez, why am I always the bearer of bad news?

“That’s impossible. What’d he do? Steal a turtle from a pet store?!” Martha questions, still sounding like she was in disbelief.

Wow. So he’s ALWAYS been this obsessed with turtles. Herc thinks to himself.

“I really wish that’s all it was, Martha.” Herc sighs. How do you tell your best friend’s sister that they killed someone? 

“He..uh..stabbed someone..” Herc thought that “stabbed” was a better way to put it, but it sounded just as violent. “They didn’t make it.” He adds for clarification.

God, this phone call was a BAD idea.

Martha is quiet for so long that Herc is sure that she’s passed out from the news. “Martha?” He asks quietly. 

Silence again.  
“Martha? You there?”

“I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number.” She says. It sounds so forced that Herc almost laughs in spite of it.

“I know it seems crazy and unbelievable and so unlike John...which is is..but it DID happen. If I’m being honest, I don’t even think he knows what he was doing when it happened. He was trying to protect a friend.” Herc tells her.

“You?” Is all Martha asks in response, voice quiet and afraid.

“No. One of our roommates, Lafayette.” He informs her, happy that she didn’t sound too ANGRY.

“How do we get him out? Does he have a lawyer?” She’s immediately on to the next thing, and Herc is insanely relieved that she seems like she wants to help.

“That’s what I called about, actually...uh..he’s got a lawyer. An awesome one. But we couldn’t afford the bail...even with all our money combined.” He says, a tad sheepishly. 

“How much?” Martha asks quickly, and Herc can just imagine her pulling out her wallet right there.

“Ten-thousand dollars.” He tells her quickly, not even bothering to be polite about it. There is no time to waste.

“Where do you live? I can be in New York by sunset.” She says, and Herc hears her quick breathing. WOW. She and John must seriously be close.

Herc gives her the address and she hangs up only seconds later, leaving Herc with a smile on his face. 

Now all he has to do is deal with a pissed off John. Then again, that shouldn’t be too hard once he’s sitting at his own kitchen table with a cup of tea and real food after being in jail for months.

Herc does everything he can to assure himself that it’s going to work out. It has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it! YAY MARTHA! AND YAYY BABY JOHNNY GETTING OUT OF JAIL SOON YES PLSSS I WANT HIM HOME AND HAPPY  
> PLUS the rest of this fic has been angst angST ANGST! I want some happiness for you guys! Anywho, thanks for reading, my loves! You guys are all so awesome! As always, kudos and comments are SO appreciated! LOVE Y'ALL <3<3<3<3<3<3


	16. Chapter 16

Laf and Alex are JUST as excited as Herc, if not more so when he tells them the news. 

“She’s gonna be here in a couple hours, kay? We gotta clean up a bit, so she doesn’t think we’re psychopaths and backs out of this.” Herc informs them, as their apartment truly did turn into a mess after John was jailed.

The other two are MORE than eager to comply, making the space as spotless as it’s looked in months. 

They all sit on the couch together for the remainder of the day, waiting anxiously for Martha’s knock on the door. 

When it does come, they’re all up in an instant, scrambling over to the door.

Martha Laurens is the female version of her brother.

Curly brown hair, hazel eyes, tan skin, and an abundance of freckles.

Alex finds it terribly difficult to NOT be attracted to her, reminding himself how wrong it is to drool over his boyfriend’s sister.

They’re all a little shocked by her appearance, but she’s the first to speak anyway.

“Did I get the right apartment? You all look a little–”

“Oui, Mademoiselle! Please, come in, we are very happy to have you.” Laf has a sudden surge of energy, bowing and kissing Martha’s hand, to which she blushes furiously.

It would have been a creepy gesture coming from anyone BUT Laf. He’s just so set on getting John home, he knows he has to lay the charm on THICK. 

“Oh! Thank you.” Martha giggles, letting herself into their apartment. “Whoa! This place is sick! How do you afford this?” 

Her reaction reminds them of John, who is always enthusiastic and loud like this. Or at least used to be. They all assume that he’s probably changed a lot over these months. 

“With the four of us splitting it..rent isn’t too bad.” Alex smiles at her, his eyes on the prize just as Lafayette’s are. 

She smiles softly as well, looking around in awe. “Anyway, let’s talk about important stuff.” She shakes her head, clearly trying to keep herself focused. 

“How do I pay the bail? My dad gave me some money when I moved out. I’ve got enough, I can use that.” She informs them, eyes wide. 

And as much as they want to be polite and tell her that she doesn’t HAVE to do this…they NEED her to. 

“We have to go to the jail. They’ll probably ask you a few questions, and if we’re lucky and play our cards right, we won’t have to hold a bail hearing.” Herc explains gently, already having gone into EXTENSIVE research on it all. 

Martha nods in understanding, smiling. “Let’s go.” 

Clearly, she’s just as eager as the rest of them. “Right now?” Alex asks, unsure. She shoots him a look. “Well, what do you wanna do, sit around and braid each other’s hair?” She smirks a little, and she just looks SO much like John that Alex nearly swoons.

“Right..” He forces a laugh, nodding.

“I didn’t catch your names? I talked to Herc on the phone but–”

“Je m’appelle Lafayette, Mademoiselle. Enchanté.” Lafayette smiles warmly, and she giggles. 

“You French?” She assumes, and Laf nods.

“And I’m Alex. Alexander Hamilton.” Alex jumps in, and Laf tries not to roll his eyes. Alex ALWAYS needs the spotlight. Laf works hard to not fault him for it. 

“Alexander Hamilton.” Martha repeats, shaking his hand with a smile.

“I already introduced myself on the phone but I’ll say it again. Hercules Mulligan.” Herc shakes her hand as well, and she smiles.

“Great, now that we’re well met, let’s go get John.” The three of them admire how headstrong she is, and she turns on her heel quickly before opening the door.

“Martha Laurens, by the way. Though, you probably got that.” She laughs, bolting out the door, not even bothering to look behind her.

……

Thirty minutes into a conversation with the THIRD person they’ve met with at the jail, Martha starts to get annoyed. This is WAY more difficult than they’d expected.

Laf, Herc, and Alex all stand close by, not able to listen in on the conversation but watching Martha carefully, trying to read lips.

“Why iz zis not working?” Laf frowns, resting his head on Herc’s shoulder with a sigh.

“No clue, man. It’s not over yet, though. Martha can do this.” He tries to reassure the three of them.

Alex has been BIZARRELY quiet all night, and Herc and Laf suspect it’s because he’s just VERY anxious about this all. 

Hope is a quite terrifying, uncertain thing when you think about it. And the three boys have WAY too much of it.

Martha eventually plays one last card when she feels things are going south with negotiating John’s bail. She is in NO WAY proud of it but knows it's necessary.

“Oh shit…guys. She’s flirting with him, isn’t she?” Herc points out, seeing Martha lean seductively over the desk where she was talking to the man, who’s eyes immediately shot to her breasts. 

“EW! PERV!” Herc whisper-shouts, making a grossed out face.

“God, I feel bad. She doesn’t have to do this.” Alex frowns. “That guy is old and creepy.” He shivers.

“Dude, she wants this just as much as we do. We gotta let her take one for the team.” Herc says softly. 

Plus, it seems like it’s actually WORKING. 

“What an idiot. He iz disgusting.” Laf mumbles, shaking his head. 

The man speaking to Martha has a smirk on his face, and it takes all her strength to not spit right in his face when he reaches across the table and touches her shoulder.

It’s worth it, though, because after a few more minutes of carefully crafted flirting and excessively batting her eyelashes, Martha hears the words that they’d all been waiting for. 

She quickly works out the logistics, showing the man that she COULD, in fact, pay the money. 

The boys have no idea how things are going, so when they see the man walk away from her, they think the mission has failed. Laf almost starts crying right there, and he would have if Martha didn’t turn around with a HUGE smile on her face. 

They’re all shocked for a moment, but then she’s running over the three guys she’d just met and is hugging them all, laughing.

“I can’t believe that worked! Thank god for gullible guys!” She giggles, jumping up and down.

It’s too good to be true, but none of them can stop smiling. 

Martha informs him that the prison worker had gone to fetch John, and the three roommates are just ITCHING to take him home. 

Suddenly, the room of pure happiness and excitement is disrupted from some loud screeching down the hallway.

“NO! YOU CAN’T! YOU CAN’T!” They all recognize it as John’s voice, and there’s immediate panic. What could have possibly gone wrong? They’re SAVING him, aren’t they?!

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Please don’t hurt me!” But the prison guard is dragging John around the corner, and they all finally get a view of him.

Nothing is wrong. The guard is simply taking him to go HOME but John is flipping out. Had the man even EXPLAINED to him what was happening?!

“John! Baby boy, it’s us!” Alex goes dashing down the hallway, stealing John away from the man who had been handling him FAR too roughly.

John starts sobbing, shaking his head. 

“Nobody is gonna hurt you…we’re leaving, baby. You get to come home with us, now. We paid the bail, baby, you’re okay!” Alex holds the freckled man tightly in his arms, rubbing his back. 

Alex assumes that John’s anxiety has completely EXPLODED over the last year, leaving him panicky at even the slightest things.

“What?” John seems like he’s in complete shock, clinging to Alex’s shirt with teary eyes.

“Yeah, sweetheart…you get to sleep in your own bed tonight.” Alex smiles at him, his heart breaking at the look in John’s eyes.

“I thought…” John looks around frantically all of a sudden, eyes wide. “I thought I was in trouble…” He explains softly, his eyes finally landing on Herc and Laf who were letting John and Alex have their moment.

And then MARTHA. John is up in a second, racing over to Martha with a sudden burst of energy. Alex is slightly worried by how all over the place John is, but figures his mix of emotions is justified. 

“MARTHA!!!!” John runs into her arms with a wide grin, jumping up and down, Martha returns the love in a similar fashion.

“I’m so happy to see you, Johnny…I’m so happy you’re going home..” She combs his hair gently with her fingers, hugging him like she’ll never let go. 

John reaches his arms out for Herc and Laf next, wanting to bring everyone in for a group hug. 

“We’ve missed you so much, man…”

“So much..” 

John isn’t quite sure how long he stands there in the embrace of all his loved ones, still in too much shock.

At some point, they all start moving again, and John is aware of the fact that someone is carrying him. It smells like Alex.

John has been imagining going home for MONTHS, but it’s not playing out as he’d planned.

He’s barely even conscious when they walk through the door, having fallen asleep in the arms of whoever is holding him. 

He knows people are talking, but he can’t even listen he’s so exhausted. All he’s DONE is sleep, but never well, and the lack of eating doesn’t help either.

Soon, the arms are replaced by something soft….a bed, an actual bed. HIS bed. He can’t help the tears that streak down his cheeks.

But there’s comfort followed by his cries, people hushing him, kissing him, touching him in the gentlest of ways.

He’s unsure how to even handle all of it. This is so starkly different from how it’s been for so long…it’s confusing. But a good type of confusing.

He’s sure he’s asleep the second his head hits the pillow…they can all catch up in the morning. He’s home.

And for once, he doesn’t feel like there’s a clock ticking threateningly in the back of his mind, he doesn’t feel like he’s completely running out of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO HAPPY JOHN IS HOME WHO'S WITH ME  
> YEAH, THE TRIAL ISN'T OVER YET BUT AT LEAST HE'S GOT HIS BED AND HIS STUFFED ANIMALS AND HIS SQUAD  
> Also, would anyone like to see some Mullette up in here?! I can kinda feel that happening and I've got some pretty lit ideas in mind ;)  
> Anyway, thank you as always for reading:):):):):):) It makes me unbelievably happy I can't even TELL y'all! Comments and kudos make me happy for life so thanks to ALL of you who leave those xD Wishing you guys a wonderful week! XOXOXOXO


	17. Chapter 17

John is expecting silence and cold sheets when he wakes up. Perhaps the dull headache that had been coming and going for the past few weeks.

Instead, he hears the familiar yet distant sounds of his roommates making breakfast. The blankets on top of him are warm, cozy. His head is free of any pain. 

He hears the muffled voices of the newscasters on the television.

The rumbling and crackling of the old coffee machine they refused to replace.

But no.

This doesn’t make sense.

This isn’t normal.

Or maybe it IS normal..and that makes it not normal.

There is a moment of panic before John remembers.

He’s HOME now. They brought him home. It wasn’t a dream, it was real life.

He’s throwing his sheets off in a second, not bothering to even pull on socks before swinging open his bedroom door.

And there they are. All standing in the kitchen with smiles on their faces. John doesn’t know what to do, almost doesn’t remember what things were like before.

He doesn’t have to do much, though, because they’re all ushering him into the kitchen with wide grins and ecstatic expressions.

Alex is ALL over him, catching him by surprise with the deep kiss that he pulls him into. Herc instinctively places a hand on Laf’s shoulder, wanting him to know that he’s got someone there for him.

Maybe not like THAT, but there nonetheless.

“Oh, baby boy, I’ve missed you.” Alex puts his hands on either side of John’s face, and John smiles brightly. He hasn’t smiled in so long.

He’s not sure he even realized how much he’s missed them until now. Perhaps that’s a good thing.

“I’ve missed you so much, Alex.” John says it with the utmost sincerity, hugging Alex tightly, scared to let go.

Alex puts a comforting hand on the back of John’s head, letting his fingers tangle into his hair.

Alex and John spend the majority of the day on the couch together, watching movies, kissing, laughing, making up for all the time they’ve missed together.

Martha left early that morning, insisting that she couldn’t miss work, but promising John that she would visit again soon.

Laf hides out in his room, of course, as much as he’d like to be catching up with John as well, Alex made it pretty clear that he wasn’t welcome.

Herc stays with Laf in their room, trying to distract him from the jealousy he must be feeling. Laf doesn’t mention it, but Herc can see the wheels turning in his mind.

“Aleeeex! Just a little longer!” They can hear John’s wines from inside the bedroom, and Laf shoots Herc a knowing look.

“Baby, you know I’ve gotta work.” This was a common occurrence, even before John got arrested.

“But I JUST got home! It’s been months, Alex…” John has always been the type of boyfriend that NEEDS attention, but he must just be desperate after being away from Alex for so long.

“Sweetheart, I promise we can have more time together later. But I also promised Washington I would have this done for tomorrow, and I haven’t even started.” The only thing as important to Alex as his work are his roommates, but sometimes the work still takes priority.

“Please?” John’s voice is quieter now, and Laf silently curses Alex for not being a better boyfriend. If John was HIS boyfriend, he’d spend every second with him–Laf stops his thoughts, knowing that him and John would never happen. He needs to let it go. He needs to.

“John, no. I just told you, give me a couple hours and then we can do something!”

“I can’t wait that long, Alex! I just want to be with you–” 

“John, cut it out! I NEED to do this! It’s important!”

There’s silence from John’s end, and Laf is still eavesdropping, wanting to slap Alex for raising his voice at John.

There are at least ten seconds of silence before John says something, his voice so soft that Laf and Herc can hardly hear him.

“Am I important?” He tries, his eyes starting to water. It shouldn’t be such a big deal, but even after months of being in jail, Alex is still putting work before him.

Maybe he doesn’t even care that I’m home. Maybe he was HAPPIER when I was gone. 

“Of course, baby boy! That’s not what I meant, you know that.” Alex immediately tries to cover up his mistake, kissing John’s forehead.

“Okay..” John’s voice is barely above a whisper, his mind already stuck in a bad place.

“This is just..URGENT. That’s all I meant, my love.” Alex promises, kissing John’s hair and hugging him gently.

“We’ll watch a movie after dinner, kay, baby doll?” John only nods in response, unable to even watch as Alex goes lock himself in their room at his desk for the next few hours.

“I can not believe him! John iz not asking for much! He just wants–” Herc cuts Laf off quickly, not wanting Alex or John to hear.

“Shhhhh…I know, man, I know. Don’t worry about it, though. Everything is fine.” He tries to convince Laf, who is already getting up.

“I will go talk to John, make sure he iz alright.” He ignores Herc’s comment, and Herc feels a pang in his chest as Laf walks away, wishing someone would care that much about HIM.

“John, petit?” Laf is gentle as he sits down next to John on the couch, who looks so close to tears that it’s painful.

“What iz ze matter?” Laf attempts to put a hand on John’s shoulder, but John shrugs it off forcefully. This is strange, because usually John loves Laf’s touches, and he also seems too afraid to be making such sharp movements.

Laf pretends it doesn’t hurt him, trying to smile at John, make him feel better.

“What the hell do you think is wrong, Laf?” John growls, and Laf breathes in sharply. He doesn’t want John MAD either.

“Iz it Alexandre, mon chére?” Laf acts unsure, and John laughs wryly.

“He doesn’t even CARE that I’m back, Laf. It’s like he didn’t even miss me.”

“Petit, you know zat iz not ze truth! He went insane while you were away!” Laf tries to convince John, speaking the truth.

“It will always be work over me…always. I don’t know why I thought I meant so much to him. I’m just as lonely here as I was there.” John starts really crying, now, a dark look in his eyes. It nearly kills Laf.

“You have me, John–”

“YOU’RE NOT ALEX, LAFAYETTE!”

And that actually kills Laf.

He feels a quite real pang of hurt in his chest, the wind practically knocked out of him.

John regrets his outburst the second it happens.

“Laf, I didn’t mean–” 

“You are right, John. I am not Alex…I can not be Alex for you. I am so sorry for that.” Laf sounds truly apologetic for his inability to do the impossible, but he stands up anyway, not wanting to start crying in front of John. That’s where this was headed.

“Laf it’s not your–” But Laf is gone in a flash, and Herc looks absolutely terrified when he returns to their room, slamming the door shut and locking it. He slides down the wood into a crumpled heap on the floor, pulling at his own hair.

“Oh, Laf–” Herc is interrupted by Laf’s sobs.

He quickly sits down next to Laf on the floor, pulling him close. He’d heard the whole conversation, and can only imagine how painful it must be for Laf.

“Shhhhhh…it’s gonna be okay..” He promises, pulling Laf’s hands away from his hair and smoothing it out gently with his own hands.

“He only wants Alex, Herc…I do not mean a thing to him..not a thing..” “Shhhh..Laf..” Herc makes gentle hushing noises, holding Laf close to his chest.

Laf’s words turn into unintelligible sobs, and he shakes his head frantically, shaking in Herc’s arms. Herc nearly starts crying, himself. This is a mess. This whole year has been.

“He didn’t mean it…he doesn’t know what he’s saying..” Herc promises Laf, wanting to kiss away his tears.

But, no. It’s not like that between them. Laf is in love with John…hell, he’s crying over him right now.

“Hercules…I just..I want…he means so much…I wish he…Hercules..” Laf can’t get a single sentence out, and Herc doesn’t even know what to do.

“Breathe…breathe..” He instructs, rubbing Laf’s back. And to his credit, Laf REALLY tries, taking in ragged breaths.

“I know..it sucks, I know…” And before he even knows what he’s doing, Herc is kissing Laf’s head of curls, his nose, his cheeks, his jaw, his eyelids, his MOUTH.

And the best part is, Laf kisses him back.

It’s sad and pathetic and full of pain, but they’re kissing and the action in itself makes Herc feel like he can fly.

And despite all the sadness that they went through until arriving at this moment, Herc is almost glad for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO YO YO YO! Two chapters in two days say whaaaa?! Insanely proud of myself for getting this done LOL! Hope you guys enjoy:) Thanks so so much for reading and for all your lovely comments and kudos! xD Yay Mulette amiright?


	18. Chapter 18

Laf had never thought about kissing Herc. It wasn’t even something that crossed his mind. They’re best friends and always have been...but that’s ALL it was.

But now that he’s actually _kissing_ Herc...well, Laf wishes it was something he’d done so much earlier.

A “gentle giant” is the _perfect_ way to describe Hercules Mulligan, and Laf realizes this when he feels Herc’s hands move to either side of his face, deepening the blissful kiss.

His hands are quite obviously strong...and HUGE, yet they’re so gentle on Laf’s soft skin, pulling him in like a magnet.

It all feels so _right_ that he just lets go and melts into Herc’s embrace.

 _How is this so comfortable? It’s so new!_ He thinks to himself, all while practically crawling into Herc’s lap, pulling him closer by the hem of his shirt.

 _New and absolutely perfect. When did Herc get so hot?!_ Laf has an epiphany, feeling as though his and Herc’s bodies have magically connected...they’re like one person.

 _This is so unexpected...I love it. I love THIS._ He realizes, so many thoughts and emotions overwhelming him, but all he can feel is Herc’s body pressed to his.

 _Wait..no, I don’t love THIS._ Laf keeps kissing the other man, his hands roaming to his broad shoulders...his arms...his waist...his hands...his chest...he loves it all.

_I love him._

He loves _him._

Laf pulls away quite suddenly, staring at Herc with wide eyes. “Sorry, Hercules...I--”

“Oh God. Oh GOD.” Herc only now realizes what just happened. He looks terrified, close to tearing up. Herc _never_ cries. “Laf, I’m so sorry...I’m so so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that...I know you love John and I’m not even in your league anyway and I shouldn’t have sprung that on you--”

Laf has to kiss him to get him to shut up. It works.

“Shhhh…” Laf shushes him, pulling away but keeping a gentle hand on the man’s cheek. “You did nothing wrong, mon Hercules.” He smiles widely, shaking his head.

“What?” Herc still looks bewildered, a little confused. “But I kissed you and you don’t even love m--”

“I love you.”

Laf doesn’t say it because he feels obliged to, or because he’s lonely. He says it because he means it.

“I love you, Hercules. And I can not believe it took me zis long to realize it, mon amour.” He smiles, chuckling a little. “I love you.” He could say it a thousand times more.

Herc is silent for a moment, but Laf doesn’t doubt the other man’s love for a second. The kiss was too perfect...too _romantic_...they HAVE to be together now.

“I love you too.” Herc finally says back, then laughs, looking at the floor. “Oh my god, do I love you…” He shakes his head, leaning forward to peck Laf on the lips.

Laf smiles against Herc’s lips and grabs one of his hands when they pull away, intertwining their fingers.

“So much…” Herc whispers, pressing his forehead against Laf’s.

“So much.” Laf repeats, feeling like everything has fallen into place.

************************************************

Meanwhile, John sits at the kitchen table, his hair in a messy bun. He has his hands wrapped around his steaming cup of tea, shivering despite the heat in the apartment.

He hasn’t stopped thinking about Alex since he left him to do his work.

It’s not that he doesn’t understand it. He DOES. Alex’s work is so important to him and yes John wants him happy...but being neglected and ignored by your boyfriend the day you get bailed out of jail...not fun.

 _I feel like we were closer BEFORE we started dating...it’s all so messy now_ \--John’s thoughts are interrupted when Alex enters the room, a big smile on his face.

 _Of course. He’s happier working than he is with me._ John rolls his eyes at the thought.

“Baby! You won’t believe the email I just wrote to Jefferson. I totally called him out on all his shit. I’m SO getting this internship over him. Bet you he’ll back out of it now, he’s my only competition.” Alex grins, kissing John’s head.

Alex hasn’t stopped talking about this summer internship for months and while John is usually happy and supportive of him...he can’t be right now.

“Yeah…” is all he says, taking a sip of tea and not even glancing at Alex.

“SERIOUSLY. I’m not even worried about it anymore. I’m clearly more qualified for this than he is.” Alex sits down next to John, looking quite proud of himself.

“And awfully modest too.” John remarks sarcastically with a scoff, giving Alex an annoyed look. He usually finds confident Alex SO adorable...but he’s pissed now.

Alex seems put off by this, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What’s up, babe?” He asks, the slightest hint of anger in his voice.

“Oh, so you DO care!!” John says, all sarcasm and bite. Alex does not seem amused.

“John, seriously. What the heck are you going off about? Do you not want me to do the internship or something--”

“The INTERNSHIP!” John screeches, angry tears pricking at his eyes. “Oh, of course, this is about the _internship_! Because the whole fucking world revolves around YOU, Alex!” He yells, his voice cracking on Alex’s name.

Alex looks shocked and shrinks back in his seat a little.

“What are you...what are you talking about?” He asks. The tone of his voice contrasts so greatly with John’s...all soft and confused.

John just shakes his head, looking up as though the ceiling holds the answers to their relationship problems.

“Nothing.” He spits at Alex, fury in every syllable. “Nothing, Alex.” He repeats.

“John? Baby, do you wanna talk--”

“NOW you want to talk, Alex?! NOW?! Not when I actually wanted you around, no, the great Alexander Hamilton is TOO good for that, right?! Too good for his criminal boyfriend John Laurens!! Can’t be bothered to even spend a fucking afternoon with him after FOUR MONTHS!!”

Alex is terrified. Both OF John and FOR John. He’s never gotten so angry...he’s usually so sweet...with his freckles and his hazel eyes and his brown curls...

“John, I’m so sorry--” Alex immediately starts apologizing, slowly feeling his world start to crumble. But John won’t even allow _that_.

“Forget about it.” He sniffles, waving Alex away. “Just like you do with everything else.” He lets out an awful laugh, sipping his tea again.

  
“John…” Alex says his name, sounding so pathetic it’s like he’s begging John to just understand..to just forgive him.

But John can’t.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t break his heart.

When John doesn’t say anything, simply stares into his teacup, Alex takes it as his cue to leave.

He holds back tears as he walks back to his room, but the second the door closes he’s crawling into bed and pulling the covers over his head, sobbing into his pillow.

 _You’re such an idiot. Such an IDIOT. John’s right...you always do this..you never stop...why can’t you just STOP_. His mind is racing with negative thoughts, just making him cry harder.

 _You’re lucky John hasn’t broken up with you yet...you’re so fucking selfish...it’s a surprise even Laf and Herc haven’t cut you off...you nearly killed Laf that one time.._ Alex shakes his head violently at the memory, as though simply the motion would rid it all from his brain.

It doesn’t.

_Why are you even here? You treat all your friends like crap...you don’t deserve them...you don’t deserve ANY of this.._

He cries until he’s got no tears left, his eyes are red and puffy. He sniffles, sincerely hoping no one had heard him crying.

 _They probably didn’t...they would have checked on me if they had._ He tries to assure himself. But then his heart completely drops as he comes to a realization.

 _Either that or they just don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t care enough to check on you._ He starts crying again at the thought. After everything he lost in Nevis...his family, his home....he’s always been alone.

 _Can’t be alone again...they’re gonna leave_ me.. _I can’t be alone they can’t leave me I can’t be alone--_ He interrupts his own thoughts, back to feeling guilty.

_It’d serve you right...you’re so selfish..why would they WANT to stay with you? selfish selfish selfish--_

“Lexi?”

What sounds like John’s voice interrupts the angry voices in his own head. Alex is grateful for it, but doesn’t look up. John can’t see him like this.

“I wanna..I wanna apologize, Lex.” John says, and Alex can hear him getting closer to the bed. He wants John there and gone all at the same time.

“S’fine..” Alex mumbles into the pillow, trying to hide the devastated expression on his face.

He can hear John take a breath, clearly preparing to say something. “It’s not. I said things that I shouldn’t have said, baby. There was some truth to it but...I exaggerated a lot. I’m sorry.” John says sincerely, sitting down on the bed.

Alex doesn’t even know what to say. He’s so relieved that he can feel his shoulders relax and he just sinks into the mattress.

He finally turns his head to look at John, who immediately looks concerned upon seeing Alex’s puffy eyes and runny nose.

“So...you’re not gonna leave me?” Alex asks, his voice small and quiet for a change.

John looks offended simply by the suggestion.

“What?! Alex! No no, never! I would never! I could never...” John says immediately, pulling Alex in for a hug.

“God, I didn’t mean to make you feel like that…” He says, kissing Alex’s hair.

Alex hugs him back tightly, burying his face in the crook of John’s neck.

“It’s not your fault, John-boy..” Alex says softly, smiling a little.

“I’m sorry anyway...I’ll never leave you..”

“And I believe you..”

And at that moment Alex realizes that maybe if everyone just had that trust...had that ability to just believe other people the first time they told you something...well, maybe things would have happened a lot differently. Though, now he’s not sure if he’d even want them to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Yay a new chapter! FINALLY LOL! So sorry for the wait, but here ya have it! I hope you enjoyed! I'd like to give a super duper huge shoutout to ChipperSpirit as she helped me out SO much with this chapter! Like seriously, it would have sucked without her help! xD She's super amazing and has awesome ideas so please go check out her works, y'all! Thanks so much for reading! XOXOXO


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been so long guys. I've had this chapter written for a while but haven't posted it for some reason. I didn't proof read so please be generous with any criticisms lol xD

Lafayette isn’t sure what time it is when he wakes up...or even when he fell asleep, but he is undeniably aware of the strong arms wrapped around his middle..the gentle press of a body against his.

 

_ Well that’s new... _ Laf thinks, still hazy from sleep. He turns around, and it all comes rushing back to him when he sees Herc.

 

He smiles, cuddling closer to the sleeping Herc, so cute with his eyes closed and face relaxed. 

 

Herc shifts a little in his sleep, making a soft noise. Laf kisses his nose and tucks his head under Herc’s chin. 

 

There’s not a worry in Laf’s mind lying here with Hercules. No, the worrying doesn’t happen until breakfast.

 

……

  
Laf and Herc are the first two to the kitchen, even though it’s already 10:30. 

 

“Mon amour, do not tell me we are out of cereal!” Laf whines when Herc opens the nearly-empty kitchen cabinets.

 

“I wanted ze..uh..how you say..good lucks!”   
  
“The lucky charms, babe?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“How about pancakes instead?” Herc offers with a giggle. Of course they have pancake mix but no cereal.

 

Laf’s eyes widen like a child’s. “You have not made zose in so long, Hercules!” He grins as Herc turns on the stove.

 

“It’s a special occasion..” Herc shrugs and winks at Laf, who blushes.

 

“Hercules...I hope I am not..uh..coming on too strong? But...are we..are we boyfriends, now?” Laf asks from across the counter.

 

Herc turns away from the stove to look at him, leaning across the table and pecking him on the lips.

 

“Only if you want to be.”    
  
They both know the answer to that.

 

“Do I smell pancakes?!”   
  


“Herc, you the man!!” 

 

“Losers…” Herc laughs as Alex and John enter the room, both looking better than they have in a while.

 

John takes a seat across from Laf, reaching a hand towards his. 

 

“Are we okay?” He wonders. The last time they talked...did not go well.

 

But Laf can’t continue being upset about it. He misses John. And Alex too. Plus, no one likes anyone that holds a grudge.

 

“Oui, petit. We are alright.” He smiles, giving John’s hand a squeeze. 

 

It pisses Herc off to new extremes.

  
Laf always does this. He lets people walk all over him, pushing down his feelings and words because it makes other people feel better. He never puts himself first and only Herc realizes just how dangerous that is. 

 

But the genuine smile on John’s face snaps Herc out of his quiet rage. He doesn’t want John upset either.

 

Alex is a whole other story, not saying a word to Laf. In fact, not even looking at him. 

 

“Y’all want chocolate chips in these?” Herc offers with a grin.

 

And suddenly Alex’s smile is back, along with his normal self. “YES!” 

 

Laf pretends not to notice he’s being ignored. Even if it’s already starting to tear him up.

 

_ It’s your fault...you should have been a better friend to Alex. Going after his boyfriend...no wonder he’s ignoring you-- _

 

“You like it, babe?! See, it’s a smiley face.” Laf is shaken out of his thoughts when Herc is handing him a pancake with a whipped cream smiley face. 

 

Herc makes everything better.

 

“A true work of art, mon amour.” Laf grins up at him, pulling him down for a kiss.

 

“Whoa whoa whoa! What the hell?!” John gasps at their displays of affection, though clearly amused.

 

“Oh, yes. Hercules and I are now..how you say..an item?” Laf grins at John and John grins back. 

 

It makes him happy. Because Herc will make  _ Laf _  happy. 

 

“Okay, that’s  _ adorable _ !” John squeals, looking between the two. 

 

“Think of the double dates we’ll have!” Herc laughs, hugging Laf gently.

 

Not a word from Alex.

 

And somehow Laf is the only one that notices. 

 

It’s like this all day. 

 

They decide to stay home and watch movies, a well deserved break from the emotionally taxing year they’ve had.

 

They decide on The Little Mermaid, because John says it’s his favorite soundtrack out of all the Disney movies. 

 

They all manage to squeeze onto the couch, Herc on the end with Laf snuggled up next to him. John sits next to Laf, resting his head on the Frenchman’s shoulder. Alex is on the other end, holding hands with John throughout the movie.

 

Alex is far less conversational than he usually is when they watch movies. The immigrant is always the first to shout out criticisms, but not now. 

 

Herc is too enthralled in the movie and his new French boyfriend to notice the change, but now John is picking up on Alex’s withdraw from their chatter. 

 

“I change my mind, this movie SUCKS.” John pouts.

  
“Petit John! There are turtles! I thought you loved this movie!” Laf frowns.

 

“She sold away her beautiful voice for a MAN, Laf! This is the most sexist thing I’ve ever seen!” John realizes. “You don’t need no man, Ariel! Go get your voice back!” He yells at the TV, causing Herc and Laf to giggle.

 

“I suppose you have a point, petit. Perhaps we should switch to Mulan?!” Laf offers.

  
“Yeah! I like the music in that one too! And the cute little dragon.” John grins, turning to Alex.

 

“The dragon reminds me of you, babe. He’s little but feisty!” He teases Alex, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

 

Alex laughs at that, poking John playfully in the side. “Hey! I’m not that little! You’ve hardly got an inch on me, Laurens!” He protests.

 

“Two inches!” Laf shouts from where he’s putting the new movie in the DVD player.

 

“And abs!” Herc adds on with a chuckle.

 

Alex pouts.

 

“Awwww, it’s okay, Lexi. You’re strong too!” John tells him, peppering his face with kisses. 

 

Alex laughs, pushing John off. “Loser.” He teases.

 

“Jerk!” John says back. “I was giving you some love!” He smiles, all goofy. He’s missed this playful banter with Alex.

 

“You were making fun of me for not having abs!” Alex frowns, but John sees the amusement in his eyes.

“That was Herc, not me.” He states, just as Laf sits back down on the couch.

 

“C’mon, Laurens!” Herc grumbles, because now Alex is giving HIM the evil eye.

 

“I’m the only one in this  _ whole  _  apartment that doesn’t have a six pack! Will one of you guys help me work out?” Alex seems genuinely worried now.

  
“Babe, no! You’re gorgeous just the way you are.” John says, kissing Alex’s hand. “I don’t even have abs anymore. The jail diet didn’t go well for me.” He smiles lightly, but now Alex is frowning.

 

“John-boy..” he sighs, reaching to lift up John’s shirt. 

 

“Hey!” John pushes his hands off with a chuckle. “It’s fine. I’ll gain it back.” He shrugs.

 

“John, now I’m worried.” Alex looks at him with wide eyes. “Lemme see!” He tries again.

 

“No! I look gross.” John tells him. 

 

“John! Do you want me to have a heart attack?!” Alex argues. 

 

“I don’t want to lift up my shirt in front of our roommates!”   
  
“You mean our best friends that have seen you shirtless a COUNTLESS number of times?!”   
  
“That was before!”

 

“John, please.” Alex pleads, concern in his eyes. “I just wanna know how bad it is.”

 

John huffs out a sigh, and Laf and Herc look on silently, exchanging worried glances.

 

But then John is taking his baggy sweatshirt off, which was doing a good job of concealing just how THIN he’s gotten. 

 

Alex can’t help but gasp.

 

John was a health  _ freak _ . Always eating well. And a LOT. He exercised almost religiously, and had built up such a healthy, strong body.

 

Alex has no idea what happened. Because now he can see John’s hip bones popping out way too sharply. His abs are seriously GONE. His ribcage is so prominent, Alex feels like he can see right through to his boyfriends’ lungs. His collarbones stick out way more than they should, and it looks like John is sucking in his gut. Alex knows he’s not.

 

“Are you happy now?” John asks Alex, not maliciously. His voice is soft, almost scared.

 

Alex shakes his head, looking like he’s about to cry. Laf is gripping Herc’s hand tightly because John is a literal SKELETON.

 

Alex hasn’t said a word and it’s scaring John. “Alex?” He asks, reaching out a hand, which Alex only now notices is just as bony as the rest of him.

 

But then Alex takes it and is pulling John down for a hug, gripping the other man’s bare and bony shoulders tightly.

 

“I’m sorry.” John says, and Alex lets out a sob. Because his John is so different. He’s changed so much...he’s hurt. Emotionally and now physically too. Alex can’t bear it.

 

“Don’t cry don’t cry...please don’t.” John whispers, petting his hair soothingly. “I’m gonna get better. I’m okay. I’m here, now.” He promises.

 

“B-but what if they take you away a-again, John? This is bail! Y-you still need to win the trial!” Alex cries honestly, sending a fresh pang of fear through John.

 

“Alex, man, stop it--” Herc tries, because now John looks terrified.

 

“It’s true, Herc!!” Alex shrieks, tears running down his face. “What if they take him again?! They can’t do that!”   
  
“Alex, baby...shhh…” John hugs Alex close, burying his face in the man’s hair. “It’s okay. We can win this...Angelica is amazing. Seriously. I believe in her.” He tries to soothe Alex.

 

“B-but what if it doesn’t work, John?! What if they send you back?! Forever?! You’re just as good as dead if you’re in prison for the rest of your life!!”   
  
“Alex!!! Cut it out! I mean it!” Herc yells, and Alex finally stops.

  
John knows that his boyfriend isn’t  _ trying _ to make him feel bad. He’s just terrified of losing John. And John understands that. He’s scared of losing them all too. 

 

The whole room is quiet for a minute, and then John is reaching to pull his sweatshirt back on.

 

“Can we just watch the movie, please?” He asks in a quiet voice. 

 

Laf hits play before another word is said. John pulls Alex closer, petting his hair and whispering soothing words even as the movie plays. 

 

Soon enough the mood lifts again, all of them pushing any dark thoughts to the back of their minds. For now.

 

John sings along loudly to the movie, Laf and Herc join him. 

 

“LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS! TO DEFEAT….THE HUNS!” They all sing in unison, laughing. 

 

Alex is fine just watching them. As much as he wants to just let go and be happy...he can’t. Not with this constant fear of losing John again hanging over his head. 

  
Thankfully, the other three are having so much fun that they don’t notice.    
  
That’s good, Alex thinks, they should be happy while they can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoyoyoyo hope you guys enjoyed! I'm hoping to be writing much more now and poss finishing this story soon? I've got some awesome ideas for a new fic that I've already gotten started on. I probably won't post anything from that until I've wrapped up this story, though. Anyway, as always thank you all so much for reading! Any comments are appreciated, positive or negative! Love y'all!


	20. Chapter 20

 

“Petit Alexandre! It is our turn to go get groceries!”    
  
Later, Laf is knocking on Alex’s bedroom door while he works, and Alex sighs.

 

He had been doing such a good job of ignoring Laf. He doesn’t want to screw things up any further. Maybe if he doesn’t say anything, Laf will forget about him. That’d be for the better.

 

“Alex?!” Laf opens the bedroom door a crack.

  
Alex sighs. 

 

“I’m busy.” He says softly, and Laf’s heart sinks a little. Alex is acting like he’s mad at him.

 

“We need to get food, lion. You saw John--”   
  
“Can you just go by yourself, Laf?” Alex doesn’t turn around from his desk.

 

“But...we always go together, oui?” Laf sounds like a hurt puppy and Alex feels like an asshole. He just doesn’t know how else to deal with this. He hurt Laf and pushing him away is the best way to prevent that from happening again.

 

Seems logical to him.

 

“I’ve got a lot of work for Washington.” Alex says. It’s a lie.

 

“I thought he was giving you time off? Because of our dear Laurens?” Laf wonders, pushing the matter. He wants to find out why Alex is ignoring him.

 

“Yeah...uh...this is just an old project. I’m polishing it up.” Alex tries.

 

“Alexandre?” Alex hears Laf take a step into the room. “If you are upset with me you can tell me--”   
  
“Can you just leave, Laf? You’re really distracting me.” It hurts Alex to say it. 

 

_ This is the right thing to do. It’ll save Laf any pain later. This will fix things.  _ Alex thinks to reassure himself.

 

“How will I do ze groceries then? It iz too many bags to carry on my own.” Laf explains.

 

“Ask John.”   
  
“I do not think he iz feeling well--”   
  
“Then ask Herc! I don’t give a shit, Laf! Just get out!” 

 

Alex hears Laf take a step back, bump into the door.

 

Alex hates himself for lashing out. Again. He’s not even ignoring Laf anymore, just being mean to him.

 

His plan had just made things messier. 

 

Laf mumbles an ‘okay’ before Alex hears the door close. He hears the front door close a minute later and assumes Laf had gone for groceries by himself.

 

He slams his laptop shut, lying down on his bed. The tears come all too quickly.

 

_ I don’t deserve any of this. Not Laf not Herc not John. Why do they even put up with me?! I should leave. Make things easier for everyone. _

 

_ No. I don’t have enough money to live on my own. Better to just not talk to them. Be invisible. They’d probably like that. _

 

_ Invisible. _

 

Alex doesn’t remember falling asleep, but suddenly wakes up when he hears the front door close. It’s probably Laf.

 

He can hear the Frenchman putting food away in the fridge and pantries. He hears him humming softly to himself. Usually he’d sing when putting groceries away.

 

_ You’ll make Alex angry if you sing. He’s busy...working. Quiet quiet quiet… _ Laf thinks to himself as he puts things away in the kitchen, being careful to not even walk around too loudly. He seriously just wants Alex happier with him.

 

_ You’re so annoying. That’s why he’s pushing you away. You screwed up going after John like that...now he knows the real you. Just stay quiet and maybe things will be okay. If you don’t talk you can’t fuck things up. _ Laf chastises himself in his head.

 

It makes him sad.

 

_ Where’s Herc? Herc likes you. He’ll talk to you. _

 

Laf walks into the living room to see John sitting on the couch, drawing pictures. Probably of turtles not doubt.

 

_ Don’t say anything. You don’t want to bother John too. _

 

John is too focused on his drawing to even notice Laf walk past.

 

“Hercules?” Laf crosses the room and pushes open the door to his and Herc’s bedroom, just to see his boyfriend sitting on his bed, playing on his laptop.

 

“Hey, baby!” Herc’s face lights up and he immediately shuts his laptop, opening his arms for Laf.

 

Herc always makes Laf feel better.

 

“Hi.” Laf says back, smiling softly and crawling into bed with Herc. He let’s the bigger man wrap his strong arms around him, resting his head on his chest.

 

“Did you go to the store with Ham?” Herc asks conversationally, gently stroking Laf’s arms.

 

“Alexandre did not wish to come with me. I went by myself.” Laf informs him, quiet.

 

Herc sighs, annoyed. “The hell is up with that kid?” He says, kissing Laf’s temple.

 

“It iz okay. I was distracting him..from his important work. It was my fault, amour.” Laf tells him.

 

Herc knows that’s not true. It’s almost NEVER Laf’s fault. He just takes the blame for everything.   
  
“I doubt that, babe.” Herc sighs. 

 

“I think Alexandre is very mad at me, Hercules. He iz usually so happy to be around me.” Laf sounds so sad that it breaks Herc’s heart. 

 

“I should not have...gotten so close with John. Zat was very stupid of me. I understand why Alexandre is angry.” He adds, burying his face in Herc’s chest. He can already feel his eyes welling up with tears.

 

“Hey hey...this is all on Ham. You didn’t do anything wrong. He overreacted, Laf. He’s the ass, not you.” Herc rubs Laf’s back, feeling awful.

 

“I am trying, Hercules...I just want to be friends again. Yet, I d-do everything wrong..” Laf breathes in sharply, letting out a pathetic whimper.

“No no no. Laf, baby boy, you gotta listen to me. You are the kindest person I have ever met. We all make...mistakes..but how Alex is reacting is so unjustified.” Herc hugs Laf tightly, shushing him gently. 

 

Laf still won’t stop crying and Herc wants to KILL Alex. 

 

“C’mon, love...don’t cry--”   
  
But that makes Laf cry even harder, his sobbing hardly even muffled by Herc’s tshirt. 

 

“I know I know….it’s gonna be fine..we’re all in a weird place right now.” Herc promises, kissing Laf’s head.

 

Laf finally looks up, hiccupping a little. “Sorry, Hercules.” He wipes his eyes, breathing still shaky. 

 

“Hush...no more apologies from you, okay? I’m gonna go talk to Alex--”   
  
“No! Hercules, you cannot...it will make him only angrier!” Laf cries, desperately clinging to Herc.

 

“At me, not at you. Baby, this isn’t right. We need to fix this. Everything is off.” Herc sighs, kissing Laf’s hair. “C’mon, I’ll go talk to him.”   
  
“Non non non, Hercules, please please--”

 

“Shhhh...this will help, I promise. You gotta let me do this.” Herc is holding Laf’s face between the palms of his hands, climbing off the bed. Laf won’t stop shaking his head.

 

“Please--”   
  
“Lafayette..” Herc kisses his nose, walking backwards to the door, keeping his eyes trained on Laf. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.” He promises, closing the door behind him. 

 

Laf is forced to sit on Herc’s bed and wait quietly, hoping he wouldn’t take things out of hand. Because as much as he appreciates his boyfriend defending him, an apartment war is not something he wants. 

 

“Alexander Hamilton!” As soon as Alex hears Herc’s voice, he  _ knows _ he’s in trouble.

“What, Herc? I’m busy.” Alex is still laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

 

“Busy sitting on your ass and making Lafayette feel like shit?” Herc bites, standing in the doorway of Alex’s room. “Ignoring your own boyfriend? Do you even realize what a dick you’re being?!” 

 

Alex holds back more tears. He just can’t stop crying. “Shut up.” 

 

“No, Alex, I want an answer. Why are you doing this? Pushing everyone away?” Herc presses ruthlessly, stepping further into the room. “Tell me, Hamilton.”   
  
“You don’t know shit, Herc. Get out.” Alex, turns over in bed, his back facing Herc.

 

“You’re doing it right now! Man, if you need help, we’re here, but you need to cut this out! Do you have any idea how you’re making Laf feel?! He thinks you hate him!” Herc says, sitting down on the edge of Alex’s bed.

 

Alex shakes his head, pulling the covers up to his neck. “It’s easier this way, Herc.”   
  
“Easier?! Pushing him away is easier?! Pushing ALL of us away?! You’re being fucking stupid and selfish, Hamilton! You’re hurting everyone, especially Laf--”   
  
“I don’t deserve you!” Alex finally turns around and Herc sees his eyes welling up with tears. “Any of you…” Alex sighs, coughing a little. “You’re right, I’m hurting Laf, which is why I’m pushing him away, to stop the hurting--”   
  
“That hurts the most, Alex!” Herc sighs, turning away. This is a new level of frustration.

 

“Herc...I’ve lost everything. Everything. I can’t lose anything or anyone else...so I push people away. I’m not losing them because it’s my choice...I’m not just..helpless.” Alex admits candidly, and Herc can hear him getting choked up. 

 

“I’m sorry, man.” Herc turns around, placing a gentle hand on Alex’s shoulder. He’d never thought about it that way. It’s true, Alex lost everything. His family, his home. It makes sense.

 

“But you’re never gonna lose us--”   
  
“John. John could go to prison for the rest of his life, Herc. Don’t act like everything's okay. He’s my everything, I-I can’t--”   
  
“Hey hey...I know, man, I know. We all love him. So much. But you gotta be optimistic. And you’ve always got me and Laf.” Herc soothes.    
  
“You guys will probably leave if John is gone...you’re a couple now. Don’t need me around.” Alex says, taking a shaky breath. Herc’s heart is breaking.

 

“What?! Dude, no! Never! You’re so important to us! We’d never do that to you! To ourselves!” And Herc sounds so sincere that Alex really believes him.

 

There’s quiet for a moment. 

 

“I’m sorry….” Alex says quietly.

 

“Go say that to Laf, not me.” Herc instructs, and Alex nods, standing up. He goes to leave but not before Herc hugs him. 

 

“It’s gonna be okay, Ham.” He says quietly, and Alex holds onto him tightly, nodding. “We can fix this.” 

 

Alex keeps those words in mind as he goes to find Laf. He sees John asleep on the couch, a drawing half-finished sitting on his lap. Alex smiles, he’s missed John’s drawings.

 

He continues to walk to Laf and Herc’s shared room, taking a big breath before opening the door. He sees Laf sitting on the bed, playing with the sleeves of his shirt. He seems nervous and he hasn’t even noticed Alex yet.

 

“Laf?”   
  
The Frenchman’s big brown eyes immediately dart up towards Alex, looking startled. He drops his hands into his lap, scooching back a bit on the bed.

 

Alex feels awful because Laf looks scared of him. He can’t blame him.

 

“Can we talk?” Alex walks toward the bed and Laf nods slowly, not even blinking.

 

Alex sits down, making sure to keep his distance and not overwhelm Laf. 

 

“Look, Laf, I’ve been a real jerk to you. And if it means anything, I thought I was doing the right thing. Pushing...pushing people away is just how I deal with things. Because I don’t deserve you, Laf. You’re such an amazing friend and I’ve treated you like shit.” Alex sighs, honest.

 

Laf is quiet, but almost looks like he wants to protest.

 

“I thought it’d be better for you if I wasn’t around...that’s why I’ve been ignoring you.” Alex admits, looking down, ashamed.

 

“Alexandre…” Laf speaks, reaching a hand out to touch Alex’s hand. “You are one of my greatest friends. There iz never a time when I do not want you around.” He says, sniffling a little. 

 

Alex’s heart swells, and he gives Laf a gentle smile. “Likewise.” He gives Laf’s hand a quick squeeze. “I really am sorry..” He adds.

 

Laf shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter. “You have no need to be sorry..you’re going through a hard time.”

 

“So are you. So is Herc. And John…” Alex points out. “I don’t see any of you acting like--”

 

“Stop, Alexandre. We all deal with things differently. What iz importante iz zat we all stick together, oui?” 

 

“Yeah.” Alex agrees.

  
He believes it now more than ever.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the kinda sudden ending, I got lazy:( Hoping I can make the next chapter better and more organized, just wanted to get this one done. Hope you enjoyed anyway!
> 
> Edit: Guys I'm just now realizing how stupid this formatting is. I typed this up in another program and I guess it formatted all wonky. I can't figure out how to fix it without spending an hour on it so just bear with me xD


	21. Chapter 21

_“He’s guilty..”_

_“There’s talk of a life sentence..”_

_“Murderer..”_

_“He can’t hurt anyone if they lock him up..”_  
  
_“You’re never going to see him again..”_

 _Flashes of courtrooms and dark alleyways..jail cells and a dead_ man..

 _Voices yelling and screaming at_ him..

_“It’s over.”_

_He can’t breath. He’s gone he’s gone he’s gone._

_“You’re never going to see him again..”_

_The voices grow to an overwhelming volume. They get louder and louder and grow by the second._

_He’s going to die. John is gone and he can’t take it. He can’t live like this he can’t--_

_“You’re never going to see him again--”_

“STOP!”

Lafayette woke up with a start, his chest rising and falling at an unbelievable pace. The room was pitch black and he didn’t quite realize that he wasn’t dreaming anymore. Or that he was even having a nightmare in the first place.

“Merde...where is he? Where is he?!” Laf looks around frantically and suddenly there’s someone grabbing his arm.

“Laf? Baby, slow down--”

“Oh God..he’s gone. He’s all gone..I cannot believe this--”

“Lafayette! It’s okay! It’s me, it’s Herc. It was just a nightmare, sweetheart.”

It takes a moment for Laf to process this, but he sighs in relief when he realizes it really wasn’t real.

“Oh…” He murmurs in a small voice, blinking in the darkness of his and Herc’s bedroom. “Oh.” He says again, running a hand through his wild curls that weren’t in their usual ponytail.

“Shhh..it’s okay. I’m right here.” Herc tells him, and Laf feels the man’s big hands gripping his shoulders.

“I am sorry, Hercules...I thought--”

“I know what you thought, baby. You don’t need to talk about it. Everything is okay, John is safe with us right now.”

Of course Herc knew what Laf was dreaming about. John is all the Frenchman has been thinking about. Who else would Laf be so concerned with losing right now?

“I just..I must go check on him. Make sure he iz still in his room.” Laf mutters, still a little frantic as he tries to crawl out of bed.

“Honey, he’s fine, I promise. He’s in bed with Alex--”

“I need to make sure.” Laf is insistent and practically runs out of the bedroom.  
Herc tries not to get too jealous.

_Laf cares about me that much too, right?_   
_Of course he does. He wouldn’t be dating you otherwise--_   
_You were kind of his second choice, though--_   
_No. Laf loves me. I know it._

He had had a few mental debates with himself over this very topic...but always managed to calm himself down rather quickly. He couldn’t spend time worrying about that with everything else going on.

Meanwhile, Laf tiptoes towards Alex and John’s room, opening the door a crack. He relaxes when he sees John curled up next to Alex and smiles softly to himself before heading back to his room.

“Petit John is alright, Hercules.” He informs his boyfriend, crawling back into bed.

“I know he is, love.” Herc smiles at Laf through the darkness, settling back down into bed himself.

“Just had to double check.” Laf says, sounding tired.

“Okay, Laffy. Just try and get back to sleep.” Herc tells him gently, wrapping his arms around Laf’s middle. Laf doesn’t reciprocate any touch, but Herc ignores this.

“Goodnight, mon Hercules.” Laf says, his breathing finally evening out as he lays next to Herc.

“Goodnight, baby. I love you so much.” Herc says, letting his head rest lightly against Lafayette’s shoulder as he waits for a reply.

He doesn’t get one.

_Don’t freak. Laf is just tired. He doesn’t need to say it back._   
_Or maybe he just doesn’t want to...maybe he’s tired of faking it. You’ve seen the way he looks at John--_   
_Stop. He loves you. You KNOW he does._

“Do you love me back?” _Herc asks_ suddenly, _before he can even think about it. It startles Laf a little bit. Not just the question, but how legitimately concerned Herc sounded._

“What? Mon Dieu, Hercules. Of course I love you back! I am sorry, I was spacing out a little bit.” Laf answers immediately, turning to press a kiss to Herc’s head.

“I love you so so much. Je t'aime jusqu'à la lune et retour. Never doubt that, mon amour.” Laf promised, hugging Herc close.

Laf feels somewhat guilty, now, and realizes that Herc must be feeling like their relationship is a little one-sided.

He’s just…preoccupied. It’s not that he doesn’t love his boyfriend.

“Okay.” Is all Herc says, and he nods slowly to show his understanding.

They both fall asleep quickly.

…………………………………………………..

When Laf wakes up that morning, it’s in another panic. Thoughts and worries over losing John plague his mind more than ever now. Things are getting rough.

Herc isn’t in bed when he wakes up, so he’s left to calm himself down. He can hear his three friends’ voices from the kitchen, which is reassuring.

He takes a deep breath before heading towards the door and opening it with a shaky hand.

“Good morning, mes amis.” He says as he walks into the kitchen. John is sitting in Alex’s lap on one of the chairs, and Herc is sitting across from them, by himself.

“Mon amour..” Laf greets Herc, walking over and pressing a kiss to the other man’s head. He has to be careful with this relationship. He doesn’t want Herc feeling so unloved.

“Hey.” Herc smiles up at Laf, looking a little sleepy. Laf smiles back at him, gently caressing his cheek.

John and Alex say good morning as well, and Laf pulls away from Herc.

“Did you guys eat breakfast yet?” Laf asks, coming around the counter to grab a cup of coffee.

“Mmm. Ham and I had pancakes. Dammit, John...eat that cereal, will you?” Herc asks, sounding a little frustrated. There is an untouched bowl of cereal on the table.

“Not hungry, Mulligan.” John replies, wrapping his arms around Alex’s neck. Truth is, he’s too anxious to eat. The stress was practically eating _him_ alive.

He didn’t know what would happen. When the next trial would be...what he would say..what the _court_ would say..would he be stuck in jail forever? Or would he luck out? Not knowing was excruciating.

“John, you’re killing yourself, man! You’re crazy underweight--”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Hercules.” John bites back sharply.

“Alex? Man, c’mon. Talk some sense into him.” Herc mutters to Alex.

“Baby boy, you really do need to get your health back on track. You’re always telling me how I need to eat more! Do the same for yourself, love--”

“I am taking a shower.” Laf says suddenly, hurrying off to the bathroom without so much as a change of clothes.

Their talking was too much for him. He feels like he’s having another nightmare. Though really, his whole life feels like one at the moment.

He turns the water on, quickly shedding all his clothing and proceeding to lock the door. He never does that.

He steps into the shower with a shaky breath, trying to stop the panic from overwhelming him.

There are so many feelings he needs to stop.

 **The worry.** What would come next? If John really did end up in prison...how would he survive? How would any of them?

 **The regret.** This could have been avoided. If only they hadn’t gone out that night...if Laf had insisted they head home a little earlier..if he hadn’t been so defensive.

 **The guilt.** Deep down, Laf felt like it was all his fault. He was too aggressive towards that man with the knife. John put his life on the line to save Lafayette’s. And now John is paying the price.

How is he supposed to live with that?

It’s at that moment that he makes the drastic decision that would change everything. But he won’t make it through this any other way.

Tears mixed with the shower water raining down on him.

He takes a deep breath. Everything will be fixed soon. He can do this.

……………………………………………………….

“There is video footage of John Laurens committing this murder. How could you possibly be responsible?”

“Sir, I knew him. The dead man, Samuel. I knew he would be there in ze alley. It iz where he always smoked. Samuel and I had rough history, you see. I had been planning to kill him for a while. That video footage is less than clear, you agree? It doesn’t show Laurens killing Samuel, as it is blocked by the wall for the last few seconds. It only shows John grabbing the knife. And yes, it had his fingerprints on it...but I am the one who killed Samuel. John didn’t know him. Didn’t even know what I had been planning to do.”

Lafayette was lying through his teeth and making it all up on the spot...which somehow proved to be working.

“With Samuel being so aggressive, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. I grabbed the knife from John and killed Samuel. As a friend, and because he was the one being blamed, John took the responsibility for me. I thought he would win..on the grounds of self-defense. But I realize now that I should have confessed from the start. I’m the murderer. This is my confession.”

And just like that, everything changed. Lafayette’s story was so detailed, and made so much actual _sense_ , that the officials believed him.

He gets one phone call.

Herc doesn’t recognize the number when his cell phone rings, but something tells him to pick it up anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hercules?”

There was only one person that called him that...and sounded like that.

“Laf? Baby, where are you calling from? I thought you were gonna be back from your run like twenty minutes ago. Are you okay?”

And suddenly Laf feels guilty again. Herc has no idea, and he knows he isn’t going to take this lightly. He had told his boyfriend he was just going for a run…

“Hercules, I confessed. John iz free, I confessed.”

Herc doesn’t even know what he’s talking about.

“What? Lafayette, what do you mean?”

“I took blame for ze murder. I confessed to ze..uh..policeman. I am in jail right now. It iz wonderful! John iz home, yes? He iz safe, now..”

Lafayette sounds absolutely delirious.

And Herc is something far far past shocked at this point. He feels like his heart is breaking.

“No...no, Laf, tell me you didn’t really do th--”

“I did! Are you not happy, Hercules? John will be okay now. They dropped his charges!” Laf sounds excited and clearly in denial that he’s just turned himself in.  
Herc could just strangle him.

“But you’re in JAIL, Lafayette! Are you fuckin crazy?!” Herc yells through the phone, feeling angry now more than anything.

“I thought you would be happy--”

“Why the hell would I be happy?! I’m in love with you, Laf! Do you really think I want you in prison any more than I want John there?!”

“I...I just..”

“You’re out of your _mind_ , Lafayette. You’ve completely lost it. You realize we’re back to square one, now?!” Herc has never been so cold toward Lafayette, but he’s terrified which is unusual for him.

The line is quiet for a long time. Herc doesn’t have much else to say. Laf doesn’t even know how he feels.

“It’s okay. As long as John is safe.” He says finally, sounding very genuine and not as scared as Herc thinks he should be.

He really wishes his boyfriend would stop being so selfless.

“I don’t know what we’re gonna do, Lafayette.” Herc tells him quietly.

“Nothing. You are all alright, zat iz all I need--”

“But it’s not what I need! Believe it or not, Laf, we all _really_ care about you! It’s just as bad having _you_ in John’s position!” Herc wishes he could get that through the Frenchman’s mind.

It hurts that his boyfriend clearly thinks he’s of less worth than John. Or that he felt so guilty that he had to do this. Or that he just loves John Laurens so fucking much that this is what it came to. It’s all awful in Herc’s eyes.

“It will be okay, mon amour. I can do this.”

“But I don’t think I can--”

“Hercules. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The call is over much faster than Herc had hoped.

“Angelica, that’s crazy...who the hell would confess on my behalf?! ….Well, of _course_ I'm happy! Do you have a name? Not yet...okay. Let me know when you get more information, okay? This is insane...I know I know..I’m just a little shocked. Happy but shocked. Okay...yeah. Thank you, Ange. Love you too.”

Herc’s heart drops when he hears John talking to someone on the phone. So this was for real. His lawyer has just called to tell him that the charges on him have been dropped. There’s no going back.

And John has no clue it was Laf.

“Herc! You’re not going to fuckin believe this, man!”

“Baby, I’m so happy…” Alex had apparently been listening in on the call, and is now picking John up and spinning him around with a giddy laugh.

Herc feels like he’s going to puke.

“I can’t believe this!”

“Herc, Angelica called and said that some other guy confessed to the murder and they dropped the charges on John! He’s free--”

“It was Laf.”

The room goes quiet.

“It was Laf. He just called to tell me. I guess he couldn’t...he couldn’t take seeing what this was doing to John. So he took the blame.” Herc shrugged but he looked crushed and close to crying.

As did Alex and John, now.

“No...Herc, you’re--”

“No. I’m not kidding, Laurens.”

 

“...Well, shit.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! New Chapter! I'm trying really hard to actually update this thing. Sorry if I'm killing you guys with all the angst. I love you all. Thank you so sos ososoosos n ifdjs jn fi incredibly much for reading! It makes me so happy! And your comments and kudos are so sweet and wonderful! So really, thank you guys so much. LOTS OF LOVE  
> ENJOY!


	22. Chapter 22

“Herc..man, you can’t live in your room forever.”

“Watch me.”

It’d been three days since Lafayette made his “confession” and Hercules Mulligan was entirely inconsolable.

“Dude, you haven’t EATEN. Open the fuckin door or I’ll pick the lock.” Alex was just frustrated at this point, and of course still sympathetic for Herc. He understood what he was going through...he had the same feelings when John was gone. Plus, he still loves Laf, even if it’s in a different way than Herc.

“Not hungry.”

“THREE days, Hercules. C’mon.” Alex pushed, banging on the door to Herc’s room.

There was no response from the other man. Alex left the door a moment, seeking out his boyfriend who was sitting on the couch.

He’d gone almost comatose, the guilt practically eating him alive. At least he wasn’t screaming and crying. Alex would have really flipped out if he started doing that.

“Baby boy, can you help me get Herc out of his room? I’m scared for him.” He requested gently of John.

“Just let him be, Lex. He needs space.”

“He’s going to kill himself if he doesn’t come out, John!”

“That doesn’t sound too bad. Might join him.” John muttered numbly, pulling the blanket around his shoulders tighter around himself.   
Alex’s heart was breaking. And agonizingly slowly, too.

“John, don’t joke. It’s not funny.” Alex chided, a little scared.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” John looked up at Alex, dark circles under his eyes and what seemed like a permanent frown on his lips.

Alex sighed, sitting down next to his boyfriend.

“Baby, I know this is hard on you. I know. It’s hard on me too. But we gotta be there for Herc right now. He never gets like this.” He said, putting a hand around John’s frail shoulders.

“And we gotta be there for Laf if we want things to get better. If we want him home.” He added, trying to coax John out of his depressed state.

John didn’t say anything for a while, and Alex could feel his shoulders moving faintly up and down with each breath he took.

“Okay.” He said finally, pulling the blanket off of himself, wiping his eyes to get rid of the tears that Alex hadn’t even noticed.

“Hercules Mulligan!” He stormed over to the bedroom door, banging on it loudly. “Get your ass out here before I break the door down!” He yelled, and while Alex thought he was being way too harsh, he understood the urgency.

“Jesus! Fine! Anything to shut you two up!” Herc finally opened the door.

Anger is better than depression, Alex decided.

“C’mon. I’ll make you something to eat.” John grabbed Herc forcefully by the wrist, and Herc just let himself be dragged into the kitchen.

Alex was somewhat satisfied.

Once Herc was sitting down and eating, the energy of the whole apartment lightened up a little bit.

Herc still wasn’t talking much, but Alex and John had hope that things would get better.

“You wanna see if we can go visit Laf, Herc?” John asked him gently, and Herc looked like he was gonna cry.

There hadn’t been a trial yet. But they all knew what was going to happen. Laf had full on turned himself in. Said he did it on purpose, that it wasn’t even self-defense. There was no way he could be proved non-guilty at this point.

No one was gonna say that, though.

“I guess.” He mumbled, eating his sandwich slowly.

“I’ll make a call.” John nodded, stepping out of the kitchen to see if they would even be allowed to see the Frenchman. Alex sat with Herc, who finished his sandwich and pushed the plate away.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Alex assured him, putting a hand on Herc’s back and rubbing soothing circles there.

Herc let out a dry sob, letting his head fall and rest on the kitchen counter, his shoulders shaking as he cried.

Alex didn’t blame him one bit.

Laf and Herc had _just_ started dating, and Alex is pretty positive that Herc hadn’t really loved anyone before Laf. Now he was losing him.                                                                                             
At least Alex had had some hope that John wouldn’t be stuck in prison for the rest of his life...Angelica _was_ a good lawyer. Laf is a completely different story.

And now Hercules, the glue and protector of their little family, was falling apart in front of their eyes.

“Shh...deep breaths, Herc.” Alex tried, still rubbing Herc’s back even as he cried.

Alex just wanted it all to be over. It's almost been a year since all this started..and he was so so tired. Why couldn’t they catch a break? They’re good people, aren’t they? For the most part, at least. He just wanted it to be over.

“Hey hey, Herc...don’t cry, it’s okay. We can go visit Laf right now.” John reentered the room, adding his own soothing hand to Herc’s back.

Alex was so proud of his freckled boyfriend. He’d really pulled it together for Herc.

“I don’t know if I can..” Herc cried, not lifting his face up from the counter. He recalls saying the same thing to Laf when he had called him from jail just a few days before. Hercules Mulligan, the invincible, had given up. He just can’t do it.

“Of course you can, Herc. I’m sure Laf really wants to see you, bud.” John encouraged with a sad smile, giving Herc a pat on the back.

Quiet for a moment and then Herc was sitting up. He could do it. But only for Laf.

“I’m sorry, you guys.” He apologized for his mood, wiping his eyes.

“Hey, no apologies. We totally understand, man.” Alex promised him.

They took a cab to the jail, not being very chatty the whole ride there.

It was always such a process to make visits, but they managed. The lady working there was a little more gentle than some of the other jail employees they’d met, and they didn’t have to answer as many questions as they usually did.

When they finally got to Laf, he looked very surprised to see them, as though he wasn’t expecting them to even _care_ that much. Then, of course, grew overjoyed.

“Mes amis!” He gasped, standing up from where he’d been sitting on the concrete floor of the cell. He ran over to his friends, trying to hug them all at once.

They all huddled around the Frenchman, wrapping their arms around him.

“I can’t believe you did this, Laf..” John muttered, but somewhat lightly. He didn’t want an argument during the precious time he was seeing Laf.

They all stayed there for a moment, holding onto each other for dear life, before pulling away.

Herc grabbed Laf as soon as he pulled away, dragging him into a hug that was just the two of them.

Laf wrapped his arms around Herc’s neck, burying his face in the man’s shoulder.

“I’ve got you.” Herc said, tilting his head to kiss Lafayette’s temple.

“Mon Hercules..” Laf murmured, tightening his grip around his boyfriend. “I am sorry.”

“No. No, I shouldn’t have talked to you like that...on the phone. You’re just..you’re such a good person, Laf. Sometimes too good.” He said, gently petting Laf’s curly hair.

John reached for Alex’s hand, and Alex gave him a soft look. John felt more guilty over this than he did over killing somebody.

“It will be okay, chou chou. I promise.” Laf said, pressing a kiss to Herc’s shoulder.

“Why are you comforting me when you’re the one in jail, Laf?” Herc let out a broken laugh, pulling away slightly.

“Because I love you. Because I have hurt you.” Laf said, bringing a hand up to Herc’s cheek.

Herc had nothing to say. Nothing he could say would do any good anyway. They were stuck.

“I love you too.” He said back, a tear escaping his eye. Laf knew Herc never cried. He swiftly wiped away the tear with his thumb, leaning in to try and kiss away Herc’s pain.

The visit hardly made Herc feel any better. Seeing Laf made him happy, but also devastated. He was torn.

When they were told that they had to leave, Laf had clung to Herc fearfully, begging him to stay even though he knew he couldn’t.

Herc felt so helpless. He didn’t want to leave Laf...he loved him. And he certainly didn’t want him scared and alone.

John had barely gotten the chance to have any serious talk with Laf himself. He wasn’t even sure what he’d say. Thank you? I’m sorry?

This is impossible.

“I promise we’ll be back soon, sweetheart. You’re gonna be okay. I love you.” Herc assured him.

They all saw what this did to John...and while Laf was relatively strong..Herc didn’t want him ending up how John has. He just couldn’t have that.

“Bye, Laf.”

“Love you.”

It felt like they were gone as soon as they had come. Laf was left alone once more, with only memories of how Herc’s arms felt around him. What John’s laugh sounded like. Of how Alex would always make corny jokes to cheer him up from a bad mood.

The scariest part of all of this was that he could lose all that. That maybe he already _had_.

It felt unreal, like some twisted dream. He had to stop waiting to wake up, though, because he was never going to at this point.

He just had to take things one second at a time. They all did. That’s the only way they’re gonna get through this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's a little short, that's what happens when I try to update this thing quickly! This story is nothing but angst and I truly apologize for that. THINGS WILL GET BETTER! Thank you all so so much for your sweet comments and kudos! It really motivates me to keep writing! Anyway, hope you guys enjoy! Love you all! <3


	23. Chapter 23

Herc drinks himself into oblivion that night, and for some reason goes to bed believing that Laf will be following after him any minute. He can’t wait to just wrap his arms around his French boyfriend again. He remembers being upset earlier, but that’s all gone now.

John and Alex stay up, snuggling together on the couch and deciding to keep an eye on Herc for a little bit. Neither of the had consumed an ounce of alcohol, figuring that having all three of them drunk was a recipe for disaster.

“At least he’s looking a little happier…” John says quietly to Alex once Herc has retreated to his bedroom.

“Yeah, but he’s gonna be pissed with us tomorrow. We shouldn’t have let him drink so much.” Alex sighs.

“S’fine, Lex.” John assures him. He was, quite selfishly, feeling overwhelmingly relieved about this whole ordeal.

Yes, he feels extremely guilty about Laf taking his place...but he’s home. On the couch. With his  _ boyfriend. _ After months in a jail cell he’s overjoyed, especially now with not having the constant worry about the case.

If he thinks about Laf too hard, he knows he’ll fall back into some sort of depressive state. So he just...doesn’t.

Meanwhile, Herc turns over in bed, stretching his arms out far to wrap around Laf, just like he always does. He panics a little when he realizes he isn’t lying next to him.

“Laf..” He whispers, in between sleep and consciousness and utterly confused. 

He stands up, stumbling out of his door and towards the living room. He rubs his eyes, yawning a little.

“Where’s Laf? He said he was gonna come right to bed..” He directs his attention towards Alex and John on the couch.

John and Alex exchange a worried glance, but Herc either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

When John speaks, it’s soft and gentle, almost like he’s talking to a child. “Herc, you know Laf isn’t here.” He says, slow and straightforward.

Herc looks legitimately confused. Alcohol never messes him up like this. “But...but he just told me..” He looks towards the kitchen, then back at his bedroom. “He said he was gonna come to bed..”

“C’mon, buddy. Let’s get you some water, hm? Then back to bed.” John offers, reluctantly standing up from the couch. He sincerely hopes the water helps Herc sober up a little bit...because now he’s just lying to himself.

“John, I swear, I just talked to him--”   
  
“I know, I know. C’mon, water.” John gently leads Herc to the kitchen with a hand on his friend’s back, grabbing him a glass of water which Herc takes with both hands wrapped around it. 

Herc stares at John with his big brown eyes, drinking the water slowly and looking smaller than John has ever seen him.

John has no idea what to say. Herc is obviously very  _ confused _ and in denial. He’s  _ fragile _ .

Herc doesn’t say a word while he drinks his water, just stares at John intently. Yet somehow, it doesn’t seem like he’s thinking about anything.

“There we go, man. Feeling any better?” John grabs Herc’s empty cup, throwing it by the sink and praying that it had helped Herc sober up even a little bit.

“I should...I should go back to bed. Laf probably wants me.” Herc says, causing John’s heart to sink. Herc is acting delusional.

“Nah, man, you know that Laf--”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
“Chillaaaaax, Laurens! I’ll talk to ya in the morning!” Herc says, stumbling a little as he pulls away from the counter. “So needy..” He mumbles, and John would have laughed if he wasn’t so concerned. 

Herc is back in his room by the time John has a chance to stop him, so he just flops back down on the couch next to Alex.

“He’s going crazy, babe. Are we sure he’s not high on something too?”

“Oh my god. I was in the wrong room! No wonder Laf isn’t in there!” Herc comes running out of his bedroom once again, giving John and Alex a goofy smile and hurrying over to their room.

“No, Herc, that was the right room--”   
  
“He’s not in  _ here _ either?! Wait...what’s going on?” Herc stares at the two of them on the couch, looking very disappointed. “How am I supposed to sleep without Laf? Laf!” Herc starts rummaging drunkenly through their coat closet in search of the Frenchman, and John can’t bear to watch it anymore. 

“Herc! Stop! Laf isn’t here.” He can’t bring himself to remind Herc where Laf  _ really  _ is, so…. “He’ll be home later. He wouldn’t want you up so late, though. Let’s get you back to bed, buddy.” And for the first time that night, Herc actually listens.

Alex gives John a thumbs up as he leads Herc back to his room. Progress.

“Okay, here we go…” John talks to Herc like a child, helping him into bed slowly, unsure if his drunken friend would be able to do it by himself. Herc pulls the covers all the way up to his chin, watching John as he moves around the room.

“You want this light on or off, Herc?” John asks, his hand moving towards the switch on Herc’s small desk lamp.

“On, please.” Herc says softly. “I wanna be able to see Laf when he gets home.” John’s heart breaks a little at that, but he just nods, not touching the switch.

“Did you take your contacts out? Brush your teeth?” He checks, slipping into a motherly role very quickly. Herc was usually the one taking care of all of them, the least he could do is return the favor with Herc in such a state.

“I wore my glasses today...and don’t wanna brush my teeth.” Herc mumbles, and he looks so comfortable in bed that John doesn’t bother him about it. 

“Okay. I’m gonna grab you another glass of water. I’ll be back.” He says with a small smile, leaving the room for a second.

“Psst! Lexi!” He runs towards the couch and his boyfriend as soon as he closes Herc’s door. “I think Herc is going crazy.”

“Sweetheart, he’s drunk and his boyfriend is in jail. It makes sense.” Alex tries to reason with John.

“No. He’s lost it.” John insists, looking at Alex with his big brown eyes.

“We’ll see how he is in the morning, hm?” Alex says with a soft smile, bringing a hand up to John’s cheek.

“Yeah...okay.” John smiles back softly, pulling away. “I’m getting him another glass of water.” He says, and with that runs off to the kitchen to retrieve it.

Upon returning to Herc’s room, Herc has turned the light off and John figures it’s because he was having trouble resting at all with the bright thing on.

“Laf!” He says as soon as John opens the door, causing John immediate confusion.

“Huh? Herc?” He questions, but Herc is scooping him up in a hug and smiling widely.

 

_ Ooooohhhh shit. He thinks I’m Laf. But I don’t look anything like Laf--it’s dark in here. Herc doesn’t have his glasses or his contacts in...my hair is curly and up in a bun...oh shit. _

 

John initially panics but decides he has no other choice but to let Herc believe what he wants. He’s not gonna remember any of this in the morning anyway, right?

“Oui! Mon amour, let us go to sleep, yes?” John has no clue what to say, so he improvises, putting on his best French accent and lowering his voice a little.

It will be fine as long as Herc doesn’t realize it’s him.

“I missed you, baby! John and Alex said you weren’t gonna be home but I knew, I  _ knew _ you would be here for bed--”   
  
“Of course, chou chou. I could not spend a night without..uh..mon Hercules.” John coughs a little, dragging Herc over to bed in the dark.

“Mmmm...baby boy, hold up. I wanna kiss you after not seeing you for--”

“No! Uh...non. You do not want to do zat because I am..uh..very sick.” John coughs again, louder this time. “I would never want to get you ill, mon amour.” Frankly, John is pretty proud of his improv skills.

“Aw...my poor baby. I can take you to the doctor tomorrow.” Herc frowns, and John just pushes him into bed, trying to hide his face.

“We will see how I am feeling, yes?” John says, losing the accent a little and hoping Herc doesn’t notice. He doesn’t.

“Okay, sweets. You gotta rest up, now..Love you.” Herc reaches out for John and pulls him into bed by his waist, hugging him close.

John is terribly tense about it. He thinks of Herc as his older  _ brother _ . This is just  _ uncomfortable _ .

“Love you too.” He says back, feeling for his phone in his pocket. As soon as Herc is asleep he’s gonna text Alex.

And Herc’s snoring doesn’t take all that long to start.

 

**To: Lexi <3**

Babe, I just brought Herc his water and he thought I was LAF. Do you believe that he’s crazy now? 

 

**To: Ma Petite Tortue**

No. He’s going through a lot, John! You gotta be understanding! Did you tell him it was you?

  
  


**To: Lexi <3**

Of course NOT. It would break his heart! SOS tho I’m legit being spooned by him as we speak.

 

**To: Ma Petite Tortue**

That’s CHEATING!

 

**To: Lexi <3**

You KNOW it’s not! I’m trying to make him feel better! You said to be understanding…

 

**To: Ma Petite Tortue**

Hmph.

Fine.

You’re lucky I really really love you. Imma miss being in bed with you tonight.

 

**To: Lexi <3**

Me too, baby. I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Love you <3

 

**To: Ma Petite Tortue**

Love you too <3

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyyy! Kind of a shorter chapter! I know it doesn't advance the story much, but I'm still thinking about where I want to go with this next! Thought I'd write a little chapter to make y'all happy though. Also, I don't want to get out of my writing groove! I hope you guys enjoyed! I can't thank you all enough for reading a leaving kudos and comments! I'm sorry if I don't respond to all your comments but PLEASE know I read them and they are SOSO appreciated! :) Love you guys! XOXO <3


	24. Chapter 24

Angelica feels like her eyes are going to burst out of her head if she reads any faster. And  _ all _ she wants to do is read faster. God, this case is grueling.

As soon as she heard about Lafayette taking John’s place..well, frankly she was relieved. She had gotten very close to John and was happy to see him finally out of harm’s way. Sure, she had talked to Lafayette in passing, usually only because he had come to visit John.

That doesn’t mean she’s not going to bust her ass just as much to get Lafayette out of this. That’s why she hates being a lawyer...she’s too compassionate and cares to much about the people. Yet somehow, this also helps, because it just makes her work harder.

She’s been reading over every bit of information on this case for the last couple hours, and is close to completely giving up and just heading to bed for the night.

It was nearly impossible to defend Lafayette at this point. He’d confessed, not even claiming self-defense, but actually telling them that he’d been planning it for a while.

“Stupid..” Angelica mutters to herself as she puts the folders of papers away. She can do more in the morning.

But before she even gets up to leave she reopens her laptop, deciding to take one last look at any extra information she can get on Samuel. There has to be  _ something _ she can use.

Soon enough, another three hours have passed and she’s reached the very depths of the internet. She’s staring blankly at the screen now, not paying much attention anymore. One site does catch her eye though, so she clicks on it, not anticipating much.

She gets much more than she’d hoped for.

It was some sort of online forum, which showed an aggressive conversation between someone named Charles and what Angelica prayed was  _ actually _ Samuel. She clicked on his account info before reading any further, confirming it was Samuel by the profile picture and location.

The two seemed to have been having an argument over money and...drugs, Angelica thought, though it wasn’t explicitly stated.   
But Samuel being a druggie wouldn’t do much for Lafayette. What he said in one of his last comments would, though. 

‘I’ve got your address Lee. You get it to me now or I’ll come get it myself and take care of you while I’m at it.’

And then another, sounding a little more urgent..

‘I’m not playing around. My buddy’s got a gun I could get my hands on. Get it to me.’

“Shit…” Angelica’s eyes widened and then she started smiling. “Thank God you were such an asshole!” She laughs out loud to herself, screenshotting the entire conversation and then printing out multiple copies.

“You can do this...he made a death threat..he was a danger to others..you can’t claim self-defense..he didn’t have anything going on with Laf but--” She stops rambling to herself for a minute to check the date on what was clearly supposed to be a private conversation. 

“October...October eleventh.. _ this _ year..oh this is great this is great..” She starts frantically pulling out other papers, knowing that that date was familiar.

She stops when her eyes land on one of her older files, one full of basic info about the case. She knows the date, knows exactly what she’ll find--

“YES!” She’s dancing around her office with a grin, looking between her screenshots and the file. The conversation took place on the same day of Samuel’s death. She could argue this….she’s  _ great _ at arguing.

“Your honor, according to these verified screenshots taken from an online chatroom, Samuel made a death threat to his drug dealer on the same day that Lafayette murdered him. Samuel could have been on his way to kill someone when he encountered Mr. Lafayette. Would you think, then, that perhaps Lafayette actually stopped a killer on the loose?” 

  
She speaks out loud to herself, pretending to be in the courtroom. She can do this. Of course, they won’t drop the sentence entirely...murder is still murder..but now she at least has  _ something _ .

She can work this. Thank God for coincidences.

 

…………………………………………

 

“Aleeeex! Cuddles!”    
  
It’s 11:16 PM and John and Alex are lying together in their twin bed. John had the novel idea the night before to push their two twin beds together to make one big bed, but Alex ended up falling in between the two in the middle of the night.

“It’s too hot for cuddles right now, sweetheart.” Alex lightly pushes John away, telling the truth about the heat. Their room was sweltering. 

“Okay! No covers and cuddles!” John compromises with a hopeful smile, throwing the blankets off of him and Alex.

  
“Still too hot!” Alex shakes his head.   
  
“No CLOTHES and cuddles!” John laughs.    
  
“Now you’re talking, baby!” Alex grins, pulling at John’s shirt teasingly.

“Alex!” John giggles, pushing at Alex’s hands.

“Hey, you suggested it..” Alex smirks, yanking off John’s shirt and then his own.

“Yeah, okay, but that’s as far as we’re going.” John tells him with a breathy laugh.

Alex hugs John close, nuzzling his boyfriend’s neck. “I know, baby. You know I’ll never make you do anything you don’t wanna do.” He says, knowing that John was sensitive about this stuff after what happened with Jefferson.

“Yeah, I know.” John confirms, sighing lightly. He can’t help but feel it’s disappointing to Alex.

They’re both quiet for a minute more, the silence comfortable. John finally speaks, though.

“You’re not upset about it, right? Not having sex, I mean...you know it has nothing to do with you? Because you’re fuckin’ gorgeous, Alex. I mean that. And if what happened with Jefferson  _ didn’t _ happen, you know I would be totally cool with this--”

“Hey hey…” Alex pulls away suddenly, wanting to look John straight in the eyes. “Baby, as... _ hot _ as you are..and as much as I would love you do this with you..I’m not with you for your body or sex..I’m with you because you’re  _ you _ and I love you. Don’t ever feel bad about saying no. I love you no matter what.” 

John is nearly speechless so he just smiles and pulls Alex close, crashing their lips together. “I love you too.” He says.

Is it wrong that John doesn’t want to think about Laf right now? Or  _ Hercules _ for that matter..who is probably crying himself to sleep in the other room. 

Is it wrong that he just wants to be happy?

He’s not even going to think about  _ that. _ He just snuggles closer to Alex, burying his face in the man’s shoulder and pressing a kiss there. The happy sound that Alex makes is all he needs. 

He doesn’t have to think about Laf right now...it’s not like it will do any good anyway. 

 

…………………………………………………….

 

Hercules can’t sleep. There’s no chance of it. He retreated to his bedroom at 8:00 and has hardly closed his eyes since.

He just can’t stop thinking about Laf. How did Alex do this?   
  
Maybe it’s different…

He crawls out of bed, rubbing his eyes as though that would make all the pain go away. 

  
“You’re fine. Cut it out, you’re fine.” He mumbles to himself, taking obnoxiously deep breaths. He can’t relax..he’s not sure if he ever will again, but deep breaths are the first step.

“Maybe a shower..some tea? Water.” He walks out of his bedroom and into the now dark apartment, thinking about the endless amount of things that  _ should _ calm him down but undoubtedly  _ won’t. _

He walks to the big glass window, the one that Laf would always look out when he needed space, watching the city scene down below. The thought made Herc shudder.

Because Laf isn’t here. And who knows if he ever will be again? There’s no chance at bail...he confessed. This is the end of the line...and Hercules Mulligan just wants it all to be over.

He puts both of his hands up against the glass, his palms cooled by the smooth surface. He rests his forehead on it as well, looking down at the few people still lingering on the street.

_ Alex and John have each other...they won’t bother with you when Laf is gone. Hell, even if by some miracle Laf made it out of this..he wouldn’t waste his time on you anymore anyway. _

Herc shakes his head lightly, taking in a sharp breath. He never has thoughts like this. Never really  _ hates _ himself. Or maybe he just never had the chance to.

_ The only reason we’re even in this mess is because he loves John. Not you, JOHN. You think Laf would ever throw himself in the line of fire for you?! You’re pathetic.. _

Herc pulls his hands and head away from the glass, taking a step back. “C’mon, stop...pull yourself together. John and Alex don’t want to deal with another one of your breakdowns--”

_ Laf doesn’t love you. He never loved you. You were just easy for him. You’re easy for everyone. He settled for you because he couldn’t get what he really wanted-- _

“Stop..” Herc can’t control his thoughts anymore, and yelling at himself doesn’t seem to be helping. He clutches his head like it will make a difference, whimpering softly. He  _ hates _ being out of control.

_ And now he’s in jail. Probably fuckin happy to finally get away from you, though. Probably doesn’t even want to come back here to your sorry ass. And you know it. No one is ever going to love you, certainly not a man like Lafayette. He’s too good for you. EVERYONE is too good for you. EveryTHING is too good for you. All of this. You don’t deserve any of it. _

“Stop stop stop stop...shut up shut up..” Suddenly he’s kicking open the bathroom door and then slamming it behind himself. He sinks down to the floor, leaning against the bathtub.

_ You don’t deserve life. _

Herc is far past hyperventilating now, and hardly even knows what he’s doing as he reaches to open the bathroom cabinets.

“C’mon...pills pills..Alex takes pills, right? Orange bottle, c’mon..”

_ There. Finally doing something right. Save everybody the time...you’re such a waste. _

“Fuck fuck...where are they?!” He just wants this sinking, suffocating feeling to end. This is the only way. He never freaks out like this...there’s no coming back from it. This is for the best.

_ Hurry up hurry up...don’t screw this up too. _

Herc nearly cries of relief when he finds the bottle. This has to work, right? He’s not even scared. Just desperate.

He struggles opening the bottle, his hands shaking too vigorously. “Shit...c’mon..” He starts panicking again, helplessly fidgeting with the lid that just  _ won’t _ come off.

“Fuck! Come on!” He flips out finally, standing up and angrily banging the bottle on the marble countertop.

“Please! I need this I need this…” Suddenly the bottle cracks open, and the pills go flying all over the bathroom floor.

“Shit…” Herc sinks back down to the floor, frantically trying to pick enough of the pills up when--

 

“Herc!”   


  
“Dude, what the heck are you doing?!”

 

“Shit! Herc, stop! John, help!”

 

Herc barely registers the voices, but immediately lashes out when he feels people touching him.

“STOP! STOP!!” Neither John or Alex have ever heard Herc  _ screech _ like that, but they don’t stop.

“Shhhh...c’mon, man. You don’t wanna do this. Get up, c’mon. Put those down Herc.” Alex tries desperately to get Herc off the floor, but he’s still grabbing at the spilled pills.

“You don’t understand! I have to do this! I HAVE TO!!” He yells, suddenly starting to cry.

Herc isn’t exactly a small guy and John and Alex aren’t the strongest, but they manage to pull him out of the bathroom together and John immediately closes the door.

Herc is on the floor, mumbling to himself. He lunges towards the bathroom door again, but Alex grabs him, pushing him back down.

“Herc, buddy, I need you to calm down--”

“I can’t calm down!!! You gotta let me back in there, Lex...it’s gonna be better..it’s gotta be better..” Herc sobs, pushing wildly at Alex who is now sitting on top of him. You do what you gotta do.

“Ow! Herc, you got me in the eye!”   
  
“Let me up!!!”

“JOHN! Help me the fuck out!” Alex yells, and suddenly John is pulled out of whatever shock he’d fallen into, and is rushing to Herc’s side to pin down his flailing arms.

“Herc, brother, you gotta take some deep breaths for us--”   
  
“I’m gonna die...just let me..John, please..let me die!!” John feels Herc’s arms go limp under his grip and he can’t even believe what Herc is saying.

Hercules Mulligan has always been the strong one. He’s always kept it together. He’s positive...kind..caring...overly compassionate. Will do anything for anyone. John figures that years and years of that finally broke him. He’s completely lost it. It’s incomprehensible and John has no clue how to rein him back in.

“Alex...we need to give him something. Cough syrup, anything..he’s not calming down--”   
  
“John, we’re not gonna drug him!!”   
  
“Do you want him to kill himself?!”   
  
They converse as though Herc isn’t right there with them, and suddenly Alex is getting up and running to go get cough syrup from the bathroom. He ignores the pills still scattered on the floor. Priorities.

“Herc, you gotta drink this. It will make you feel better.” Alex promises as he kneels down once more beside Herc.

“No...no no no nothing is going to make me feel better. It’s over for me..it’s over--”

  
“Shhhhh….trust us Herc. We’re your best friends.” John says as soothingly as he can in this panicked state. He rubs a hand gently over Herc’s forehead, continuing to shush him.

  
“It’s gonna be fine. You just gotta drink this. C’mon…” He urges softly and Herc finally opens his mouth just enough to let Alex pour the liquid in. He swallows and lets out one more sound of protest.

“I know...you’re gonna sleep in our room tonight.” 

 

…………………………………………………………..

  
When Herc wakes up he hardly remembers the night before. He vaguely registers the fact that he’s not in his normal room but is content to snuggle back down into the covers.

His mind immediately drifts to Laf, and then he remembers.

This always happens...he wakes up, thinks Laf is lying right next to him and then  _ remembers _ .

John has hardly said a word about Laf and it makes Herc furious.

 

_ It’s like he doesn’t even care. Laf cared so damn much that he took John’s place and now John can’t even be a little sad about it? He’s perfectly fine just prancing around the apartment with Alex all day? Sure, there’s nothing they can really do but geez don’t act so fucking happy, John. _

 

Herc wishes he could say that to John’s face...but he could never. He loves John, even though he’s being an ass. He’s got to cut the man some slack in this situation. Maybe he’s sad on the inside and trying to keep it strong for Herc and Alex.

Which reminds Herc, he’s not being strong at all.

“Ham! Turtle!” He calls out his two friends’ nicknames. He hasn’t used those in so long.

It’s only a second before John and Alex come rushing into the bedroom, both looking slightly alarmed. “What is it? What’s wrong?” John asks, and Herc feels bad for giving them such a scare.

“Nothing! Geez..” He wraps the blankets tighter around himself, sinking down a little in bed.

“Why are you guys freaking out?” He sighs, furrowing his eyebrows. He can’t have Alex and John so on edge, he’s in a bad enough state.

Alex and John exchange a glance, and Herc feels suddenly out of the loop. Is he missing something?   
  
“You guys?” He asks again, looking between the two men standing in front of him.

John starts. “Do you remember what the hell happened last night?” He asks wearily, giving Herc a concerned look.

Herc hadn’t thought about it, but now he’s racking his brain. What did he do last night? God, he hopes he didn’t get drunk...he went to bed early..couldn’t sleep so he got up..

It’s crazy how quickly it comes rushing back to him. How could he have forgotten? Did he think it was a dream or something?

He sits up quickly, looking like he’s about to explain himself. “Oh my god...you guys, I didn’t know what I was doing! Please don’t go crazy over this. I’m fine. I was being stupid I just--”   
  
“You seemed pretty serious about it, Herc.” Alex reminds him gently. Herc is just staring at them with messy hair and a pathetic look on his face. 

“Y-yeah, but..I didn’t really want to.” He says weakly, as though trying to prove it to himself as well as his friends.

John and Alex don’t say anything, so he lets his eyes flutter down to stare at the bedroom floor. Maybe he should just do this...stare at the floor for the rest of his life. At least that way nothing would hurt.

“I just want Laf back.” He says, and suddenly he’s crying. 

“Hey, we’re gonna get him back, Herc. Everything is gonna be okay--” John starts, just to be cut off by Herc launching himself off the bed and towards the freckled man.

“That’s real rich coming from you, Laurens! You don’t even give a shit! You’re just fucking happy Laf saved your sorry ass!” He yells, pushing John backwards roughly.

“Hey hey hey! Cut it out, Hercules!” Alex pulled Herc away from John, his temper suddenly wearing thin. Herc was quite apparently having crazy mood swings, one second crying and the next second screaming at John.

“Look, you can be angry..but not at John. He didn’t do anything wrong.” Alex is quick to defend his boyfriend and John is just standing there, unsure what to say. He was content to let Alex handle it. 

“You’re right...you’re right, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that...I’m sorry, John, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry I pushed you I’m s-sorry..” And now Herc is crying again. He reaches out and pulls John in for a hug, squeezing him a little too tightly. 

John is a little confused but returns the embrace. Herc’s emotional state is just a disaster right now. “Hey, it’s okay...I understand.”

“Of course you d-do..you guys are the best friends ever..” Herc reaches out his hand to bring Alex into the hug, and Alex happily accepts it.

“We’ve got you, man. It’s all gonna be okay.” Alex assures him, wrapping his arms tightly around both Herc and John.

They all stand there in each others arm for at least a minute longer until Alex’s phone rings. Normally, he wouldn’t pick it up, but it was the ringtone he’d set for Angelica.

“Oh...guys, hold on.” He says, pulling out his phone and quickly answering it. “Ange? Yeah it’s Alex...how are things? Mhmm, I’ve got a minute..” Alex leaves the room, holding up one finger to John and Herc to let them know he’d be back in a minute.

“Ange?” John questions as soon as Alex leaves the room. “As in Angelica Schuyler? My old lawyer Angelica Schuyler?” 

A look of realization crosses Herc’s face and he nods slowly up and down. “It must be about Laf.” He says, his face showing a mixture of terror and hope.

John looks towards the door, as though that would answer their curiosities. “Maybe she found something...maybe Laf can be proven innocent!”

  
“Laurens, he confessed. There’s gonna be some sort of consequence no matter what Angelica brings to the table.” He tells John seriously, and John tries not to feel too guilty about it.

“Okay okay...we won’t know until Alex tells us, so let’s not make any assumptions, okay?” He says, pacing a little nervously.

“Chillax, man.” Herc tells him, secretly grateful that John was finally getting at least a little upset over Laf’s situation.

“I can’t.” John tells him, but Herc doesn’t know how to respond. So they just wait, the time stretching on painfully. 

“Okay, so--” The second Alex walks back into the room, John and Herc are bombarding him with questions.   
  
“What happened?! Are they gonna let him go?!”   
  
“Oh god, he’s stuck in there for life, isn’t he?! Alex, c’mon--”   
  
“Yo! Guys, I haven’t even said anything yet! It’s good news.. before you start flipping out anymore..” He assures them, chuckling a little. “Angelica says she’s got some good dirt on Samuel. Apparently he was a druggie and made some death threats. He was a danger and Ange seems pretty positive she can get the sentence way down.” He informs them both quickly.

 

They both let out a sigh of relief at the news. “That’s good..that’s good, we’re okay.” John smiles, looking much calmer now.

“Okay...okay, so when is this happening? There’s gonna be a trial I’m presuming?” Herc asks Alex, naturally moving on to the next step. He doesn’t have time to relish in the relief.

“Tomorrow.” Alex responds, words clipped. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m gonna be there. We’re allowed to. If not, Angie can get us in somehow.” Alex explains.

“Me too.” John agrees almost instantly. Alex and John both turn to look at Herc, who seems to be pondering the idea.

Of course he  _ wants _ to be there..but is he going to be able to keep it together? He’s been so...fragile these past few days that he doesn’t know if he  _ really  _ wants to...no. Of course he wants to.

 

“Yeah, I’m in.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm so so sorry that I'm not updating frequently enough. School just started and I was working on this chapter whenever I got the chance this week. Hoping now that I've got into my schedule I can try and write faster and update more! Tbh I'm thinking that the next chapter is going to be the last one and I'll have some sort of concluding chapter after that. I've got a conclusion in mind! Anyway, thanks to everyone who has been reading this crazy mess from the start...it's gone on a lot longer than I thought it would but I'm tryING TO JUST BE HAPPY WITH IT. I love you all and I am so so grateful that I have people actually reading and responding to this! Sorry for the long notes section, I just really hoped you guys liked it! Have a great day/night/whatever! <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my last chapter and I think I'm gonna cry....proceed with caution.

“John, c’mere. Your tie is all crooked.”

“Why do we even have to dress up so much for this anyway?”   
  
“Quit whining. Everybody dresses up for trials. Now c’mon, we’re gonna be late.”   
  
The day started with a little frustration, lots of complaining, and even  _ more _ anxiety that nobody wanted to admit was there.

But they still manage to catch a cab and arrive at the courthouse on time. Surprisingly, nobody stops them from entering, though John gets more than a few weird looks.

It’s strange, John thinks, to be entering a courtroom for a trial that should be centered on him. He feels like some kind of intruder. Nobody knows he actually did it.

“Don’t worry about them. You’re fine, let's just sit.” He feels Alex’s arm wrap around his waist reassuringly, pulling him into one of the pews. Herc follows, sitting on John’s other side and fidgeting with his hands anxiously.

John glances over at him. Herc never gets this out of sorts.

“Hey..” He puts one of his hands on top of both of Herc’s, giving him a small, reassuring smile. “It’s gonna be okay, man. You gotta have faith.” He says softly, his eyes showing nothing but sincerity.

But then there’s some commotion at the front of the room and everything seems to be starting. John barely has time to take a breath before he sees Lafayette,  _ their _ Lafayette, being marched in from the side of the courtroom. 

His hair is in it’s usual ponytail, but his face holds none of it’s usual color. He doesn’t look scared, doesn’t look angry. He doesn’t look much of anything.

_ Good for him. _ John thinks.  _ Poker face. _ It’s a good strategy.

He has handcuffs securing his hands in front of him, and the guard is gripping his arm as though he is some kind of serial killer.

It’s almost amusing to John. Because he has truly never met any kinder person than Lafayette.    
  
He’s in love with Alex, of course. But he wouldn’t hesitate a second before saying Lafayette was an overall kinder person than his boyfriend. It’s just the truth. 

So seeing him handled like he is some sort of imminent danger is disquieting to all three of the boys. But they have to keep their eyes on the end goal here.

They’re all put a little more at ease when Angelica enters. She has her game face on, one that John recognizes immediately. She is going to do some damage, John is sure of it. He’s never felt so grateful.

Nothing much happens for the first couple minutes, and they’re all too anxious about the outcome of this to care much about whatever bullshit Jefferson is spewing out for the millionth time.

And then Angelica pulls out her new move, the one she’d talked to Alex about over the phone.

She has screenshots, exact dates, and a perfectly worded defense. She goes on for a good couple minutes about how Samuel was a danger, how Lafayette and John felt threatened by him. She mentions self-defense, how Samuel had been armed and ready to attack.

And suddenly Jefferson is laughing in the middle of her defense. His laugh is cold, condescending, and Angelica wants to smack him.

“Sweetheart, Lafayette already admitted to committing the crime. Said he’d been planning on it in fact. It wasn’t self-defense if he had been plotting a murder the whole time--”

  
Angelica interrupts. “No, here’s the thing, cupcake..” John, Herc, and Alex nearly laugh at Angelica’s clapback to Jefferson’s patronizing nicknames. “..are you using his confession as a piece of evidence? Because if you are, you’re going to need a transcript and some direct quotes. Whatever you’re trying to argue right now could be completely made up.” She glares at him.

“I...there’s no transcript.” Jefferson mumbles, looking a little sheepish.

“Is there some sort of audio recording, then? Any sort of documentation?” She presses further, taking a step towards Jefferson.

Jefferson who doesn’t look much like he wants to discuss this anymore. “Uh..no, there’s no documentation. I heard it from the guy that interrogated him.” He says, as though that in itself would be enough.

It was Angelica’s turn to laugh, but she isn’t about to stoop to his level. Instead, she smirks at him, turning back to the judge and rest of the jury. “Your honor, people of the jury, as you can see, Mr. Jefferson has no documentation or proof for the defense he’s trying to make. I, for one, think that he is completely unqualified to even be arguing about this. I have folders of physical proof here to show that Mr. Lafayette is not guilty. He is a protector if anything. He did it to save his best friend. John Laurens, I see you out there!” She motions for John to stand up and John does, not wanting to go against what Angelica wants.

Things are getting a little more hectic than the judge would like now. There are excited whispers and Angelica seems to be on a roll that isn’t going to stop. He decides to give her a chance, not interrupting.

And so John gives a cute little wave and a smile and the entire courtroom is full of excitement now. Because, in reality, the people would rather see someone be proven innocent than guilty. Who wants to vote for someone to spend the rest of their life in prison?

Lafayette feels a smile tugging at his own lips. Angelica really was turning this around quickly.

“There he is, folks.” Angelica smiles to herself, she’s missed John.

“Now, let’s think about this. You’re walking home with your friend, someone you love. And all of a sudden this sketchy looking man starts bothering you for a lighter. You tell him you don’t have one, politely keep walking. But he stops you again. By now you’re aggravated, a little scared, so you try to push your way through again. This time he pulls out a knife. Goes after that person that you love. What are you supposed to do? Stand there? Watch it happen?”

She glances around the room, clearly expecting an actual answer. “Well?” She asks again and then there’s a chorus of slightly hesitant but legitimate ‘no’s. 

“Exactly. No. Lafayette did what any of us in this room would do if we were just brave enough. Samuel is gone. There’s nothing we can do about that. But Lafayette is still here. Are we going to force him into imprisonment forever? It’s just as bad as being dead. If not worse. So  _ are  _ we going to do that because he decided to be brave and save his friend? Are we going to take an act of love and bravery and turn it into a crime?” Suddenly, everything is quiet and Alex, John, and Herc are all holding their breaths.

Angelica walks around in a little circle. Eye contact is important. She learned that a while ago. So she tries to make eye contact with as many people as she can. Who cares if it makes them uncomfortable? It’s effective.

“You tell me.” She finishes, throwing her folders and evidence back down on the table.

Lafayette looks up at her in complete admiration, tears pricking his eyes. This felt so good. There’s no way anyone could call him guilty after that. Angelica had lost all of her formality and it somehow morphed into something incredible. 

They all thought there would be so many more trials. Thought it would be another long, awful, process like it was with John. But this felt very very close to the end.

It must be completely quiet for another three seconds before there’s the sound of a clap from somewhere in the room. It starts slow, but then everyone starts clapping and there’s talking and yelling and Angelica has never seen anything like it.

The judge can only let the chaos go on for so long until he has to use his gavel. “Order, please, order!” He calls, and everyone eventually calms down. 

Angelica wants to take a fucking bow.

“Unless you have any further statements or witnesses, Mr. Jefferson, I think we will take a brief recess and return to settle on a final ruling.” He says, making Lafayette’s heart skip a beat.

Jefferson just shakes his head, clearly having given up, which is something no one ever thought he would do. “No further statements, your honor.” And with another bang of the gavel, everything seems to be calming down a little. 

There’s quiet chatter as the jury discusses, and the three boys are running over to see Laf and Angelica.

“Jesus, Ange, you were amazing..”   
  
“What the hell just happened?!”   
  
“People were  _ clapping _ !”    
  
Angelica laughs lightly at their quirky ways of praising her, smiling widely at them. “It’s my job, boys.” She says, grabbing Laf’s arm and pulling him out of the chair.

Laf looks at all of them with a slightly sad smile. They’re just  _ so _ close. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if they lose this.

“Oh, baby boy..” Herc reaches over to pull Laf into a hug, stroking his hair. “You’re okay you’re okay...we’ve got this.” He assures him, and suddenly Laf is crying. It’s just too many emotions at once. 

  
And they all understand that. 

“Oh, Laffy Taffy.” John uses that nickname for the first time in a while, wrapping his arms around Herc and Laf. And then Alex is joining in as well.

They’re all crying and smiling in one big group hug. They all feel that same sense of desperation but it’s all almost over and the anticipation of relief is thrilling.

The courtroom reconvenes soon enough and the three boys don’t want to go back to their seats so they just linger by Laf. Nobody complains about it. 

“Ladies and gentleman of the jury, have you reached a final verdict?” The judge turns to the group of people, and they all nod, looking rather excited.

“Yes, your honor. We, the jury, find the defendant not guilty.” The representative of the group responds, and Herc’s hand goes to rest on Laf’s shoulder. They’re all still afraid to get too excited. 

The judge nods. “Thank you, jury, for your service here today.” There’s a pause and Lafayette wants to puke.

“In the matter of the state versus  Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette..” Laf almost laughs at the use of his full name.

 

“..this case is dismissed. Mr. Lafayette, you are free to go.” 

 

There’s excited screaming and laughing and crying from his friends and Lafayette feels arms wrapping tight around him and hugging him so tight he could suffocate. 

  
It’s all a bit of a daze. A  _ wonderful _ daze. Someone comes over to set him free of his handcuffs and he grins wide.

He pulls Angelica over and kisses her on each cheek a million times, making her laugh and hug him. 

“I can’t believe it...I can’t  _ believe _ it!”   
  
“Finally finally finally!!”   
  
“I love you so fucking much, Laf.” Suddenly he’s pulled into a kiss with Herc and he holds on for dear life. “I love you s-so much, mon Hercules.” He responds, smiling with tears in his eyes.

  
“It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re safe now. This is done. It’s all done and we’re okay.” Herc assures him, wiping at his tears.    
  
“These are happy tears, Hercules. Very happy tears.” Laf responds with a giggle, grabbing Alex and John. He just wants to be close to them.

“I love you guys.”    
  
“We love you so much, Lafayette.”   
  
“So fucking much.”   
  
They end up going out for ice cream afterward, which is pretty much the strangest and most  _ them _ way to celebrate the events of the day. 

All their faces hurt from smiling so much but it’s the best kind of pain.

  
“I still can’t believe we pulled that off.” Alex says as he licks his ice cream cone. 

“For real. We can talk about it tonight, but then I never want to hear another word of it. I just want things back to normal.” Herc says, one arm holding his ice cream and the other wrapped around Laf. 

 

“Deal.”   
  
“Yeah. Deal.”

 

And with that, it feels like they’ve come full circle. They’re back where they started, all together again, yet entirely changed. 

John never wants to go out to dinner alone with Laf again after this, but it’s all over now and regretting everything is no way to live your life just when you’ve gotten it back.

So they’ll just eat their ice cream cones and smile because it’s the first time they’ve gotten to do something as simple as that in what feels like forever.

Things could have turned out so differently. 

And for a while there, it felt like they would never be truly free.  

 

But whether it was God, or Angelica Schuyler, or their unbreakable friendship or maybe just  _ luck _ that got them through this, they are  _ truly _ free. 

 

And maybe that’s all anyone ever wanted.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. There it is. I thought I was going to do a follow-up chapter after this, but I'm content with the ending.   
> This is the first major story I've written and I'm flipping out because it's oveeeereerrerrrr :( But I'm also super happy/relieved.
> 
> I just wanna thank everyone who has stuck with me through this. Every kudos or comment is appreciated so so much. I'm at like 2000 something views now and that seems kinda crazy to me. I'm already starting in on my next work though so please please please come back to read more!
> 
> I love y'all <3
> 
> XOXO


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